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Heather Mills - Amputee Forum

wrjwrj

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Everything posted by wrjwrj

  1. How do you keep a blonde busy for hours? Scroll down... Scroll up... --Bill
  2. wrjwrj

    Cell Phone Tracker

    Everyone's cell phone has a built in GPS, good for law enforcement to find the bad guys, but now they have a website that can let anyone you ever gave your number to find you. How long before they put the chip in all of us? --Bill
  3. wrjwrj

    Cell Phone Tracker

    That would have helped wouldn't it. http://www.sat-gps-locate.com/english/index.html --Bill
  4. wrjwrj

    Marilyn is 'Street Legal'

    Congrats!! But now I'll have something else to watch out for when I come through next year. -Bill
  5. wrjwrj

    Think test

    18 Plus a stern look from the boss for doing this at work. :D --Bill
  6. wrjwrj

    New Socket / New Casting Method

    I'm only on my second leg and both were done with the liner (iceross, pinlock) on. He made his marks on the plastic wrap before forming the leg. I've been using the leg for 3-1/2 Years with no problems. I'm on only my second liner with this leg, because of shrinking. He's had to add pads a couple of times but that's been about it. The iceross is just your basic liner. From what I have seen I think he does all his legs this way. --Bill
  7. wrjwrj

    Prevention of Phantom Pain

    General anaesthetic, with lots and lots of morphine drip. Get a lot of feeling, wiggling toes and such, but not a lot of pain. Lightning zaps or the feeling of a knife in my foot, but never lasted very long, an hour at most. Had one yesterday, but it maybe couple of months before I have another. --Bill
  8. Looking good. B) Once you get out on the roads you won't believe the number of kids that will tell you what a cool bike you have, and where did you get it, and how much did it cost and can they try it out and do you want to race. It will take a little doing to get your foot to stay in place, unless you have a strap or clips, but it will get there. The hills are the biggest problem till you get a whole different set of muscles built up. Watch out for the dreded 'recumbutt' :D --Bill
  9. wrjwrj

    A Guy's Rules

    We always hear "the rules" from the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side. These are our rules! Please note... these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE! 1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down. 1. Sunday sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be. 1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way. 1. Crying is blackmail. 1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it! 1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question. 1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for. 1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor. 1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days. 1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys. 1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one. 1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself. 1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials. 1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we. 1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is. 1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that. 1. If we ask what is wrong and you say nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle. 1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear. 1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine...Really. 1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, or monster trucks. 1. You have enough clothes. 1. You have too many shoes. 1. I am in shape. Round is a shape. 1. Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight; but did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping. -Bill B)
  10. THINGS THAT ARE VERY DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN YOU'RE DRUNK: Specificity British Constitution Passive-aggressive disorder Loquacious Transubstantiate THINGS THAT ARE DOWNRIGHT IMPOSSIBLE TO SAY WHEN YOU'RE DRUNK: Thanks, but I don't want to have sex Nope, no more booze for me Sorry, but you're not really my type Good evening officer, isn't it lovely out tonight Oh, I just couldn't. No one wants to hear me sing -Bill ;)
  11. An elderly couple were experiencing declining memories, so they decided to take a power memory class, where they teach one to remember things by association. Later, the man was talking to a neighbor about how much the class helped him. "Who was the instructor?" asked the neighbor. "Oh, let's see," pondered the man. "Ummm... What's that flower, you know, that smells real nice, but it has those thorns...?" "A rose?" offered the neighbor. "Right," said the man. He turned toward his house and shouted, "Hey, Rose, what's the name of the guy we took that memory class from?" --Bill
  12. Welcome, Chuck. Mine came with a 1" or so cutout above the locking pin where I could push the pin enough to center. Just figured all of them came that way. Usually if I don't have the pin centered that it clicked right into place, I take the liner off and start over, just seems to cause less trouble as the day goes on. --Bill
  13. An Indiana farm wife called the local phone company to report her telephone failed to ring when her friends called -- and that on the few occasions when it did ring, her pet dog always moaned right before the phone rang. The telephone repairman proceeded to the scene, curious to see this psychic dog or senile elderly lady.He climbed a nearby telephone pole, hooked in his test set, and dialed the subscriber's house. The phone didn't ring right away, but then the dog moaned loudly and the telephone began to ring. Climbing down from the pole, the telephone repairman found: 1. The dog was tied to the telephone system's ground wire via a steel chain and collar. 2. The wire connection to the ground rod was loose. 3. The dog was receiving 90 volts of signaling current when the phone number was called. 4. After a couple of such jolts, the dog would start moaning and then urinate on himself and the ground. 5. The wet ground would complete the circuit, thus causing the phone to ring. . . . . . . Which demonstrates that some problems CAN be fixed by pissing and moaning. -Bill
  14. wrjwrj

    Women

    A Spanish teacher was explaining to her class that in Spanish, unlike English, nouns are designated as either masculine or feminine. "House" for instance, is feminine: "la casa." "Pencil," however, is masculine: "el lapiz." A student asked, "What gender is 'computer'?" Instead of giving the answer, the teacher split the class into two groups, male and female, and asked them to decide for themselves whether "computer" should be a masculine or a feminine noun. Each group was asked to give four reasons for its recommendation. The men's group decided that "computer" should definitely be of the feminine gender ("la computadora") because: 1. No one but their creator understands their internal logic. 2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else. 3. Even the smallest mistakes are stored in long term memory for possible later retrieval; and 4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it. The women's group, however, concluded that computers should be masculine ("el computador") because: 1. In order to do anything with them, you have to turn them on. 2. They have a lot of data but still can't think for themselves. 3. They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time, the ARE the problem; and 4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that if you had waited a little longer, you could have gotten a better model. The women won. --Bill
  15. Bubba had Shingles Those of us who spend much time in a doctor's office should appreciate this! Doesn't it seem that more and more that physicians are running their practices like an assembly line? Here's what happened to Bubba: Bubba walked into a doctor's office and the receptionist asked him what he had. Bubba said, Shingles. So she wrote down his name, address, medical insurance number and told him to have a seat. Fifteen minutes later a nurse's aide came out and asked Bubba what he had. Bubba said, Shingles. So she wrote down his height, weight, a complete medical history and told Bubba to wait in the examining room. A half hour later a nurse came in and asked Bubba what he had. Bubba said, Shingles. So the nurse gave Bubba a blood test, a blood pressure test, an electrocardiogram, and told Bubba to take off all his clothes and wait for the doctor. An hour later the doctor came in and asked Bubba what he had. Bubba said, shingles. The doctor asked, Where? Bubba said, "Outside on the truck. Where do you want them?" --Bill
  16. wrjwrj

    Cramp like pain

    I get a cramp once in a while, more often if I try to squeeze the muscle to build it up, though what I am building it up for, I don't know. Also happens at time when I try to manuver the prosthetic to work the gas pedal. Sometimes I can convince it I streached it out with my missing foot, but most times have to take the leg off and work the muscle over with my hands. Luckily it happens very rarely. -Bill
  17. wrjwrj

    Ultimate boy toy

    Guess we have to settle for a sawed-off shotgun, Jim. ;) -Bill
  18. wrjwrj

    SPARKY

    Boss was telling story this morning about a guy who use to work for us and had his hip replaced. His wife got him settled in and had hardly left the room when the bell she had given him tinkled. He had a foot itch so she took care of that for him. Got to the living room and again with the bell, needed a drink of water. She went to the front of the house and sat down to read the paper. The phone rang after awhile and it was her husband's sister, asking where she was. "Just reading the paper in the living room." "Well, Dick called me and said he couldn't raise you." Amazingly he is still alive today. :D Just remember that when you call for the wife, Mark. :P -Bill
  19. wrjwrj

    SPARKY

    A woman brought a very limp duck into a veterinary surgeon. As she laid her pet on the table, the vet pulled out his stethoscope and listened to the bird's chest. After a moment or two, the vet shook his head sadly and said, "I'm so sorry, your Duck Cuddles has passed away." The distressed owner wailed, "Are you sure?" "Yes, I am sure. The duck is dead," he replied. "How can you be so sure," she protested. "I mean, you haven't done any testing on him or anything. He might just be in a coma or something." The vet rolled his eyes, turned around and left the room, and returned a few moments later with a black Labrador retriever. As the duck's owner looked on in amazement, the dog stood on his hind legs, put his front paws on the examination table and sniffed the duck from top to bottom. He then looked at the vet with sad eyes and shook his head. The vet patted the dog and took it out, and returned a few moments later with a cat. The cat jumped up on the table and also sniffed delicately at the bird from head to foot. The cat sat back on its haunches, shook its head, meowed softly and strolled out of the room. The vet looked at the woman and said, "I'm sorry, but as I said, this is most definitely, 100% certifiably, a dead duck." Then the vet turned to his computer terminal, hit a few keys and produced a bill, which he handed to the woman. The duck's owner, still in shock, took the bill. "$150!" she cried. "$150 just to tell me my duck is dead!!" The vet shrugged. "I'm sorry. If you'd taken my word for it, the bill would have been $20, but with the Lab Report and the Cat Scan, it's now $150.00." Hope all goes well, Mark. Best come back before I chase everybody away. :D --Bill
  20. wrjwrj

    Signature

    I should stop using the white font I guess. :P -Bill
  21. wrjwrj

    My joints are so stiff

    Both my thighs are about the same. If anything the right is more muscular, that is the amp side. Riding the bike 2/3rds of the year must really help with that. I get the frozen knee also, mainly in the winter and mainly when I sat behind the desk too long without getting up for a walk. I end up with my leg pulled back under the chair alot and the prosthetic maybe slowing the bloodflow enough to cause the rust. Once I get out riding the rust usually goes away, till I get inactive again. --Bill
  22. wrjwrj

    My joints are so stiff

    So, I just rub it own my knees then? :D -Bill
  23. For all of you living in in the US I thought you should know this. Pass this on, hopefully yours isn't out there...I can't believe this.... Check Your Driver's License Now you can see anyone's Driver's License on the Internet, including your own! I just searched for mine and there it was...picture and all!! Thanks Homeland Security! Where are our rights? I definitely removed mine. I suggest you do the same. Go to the web site and check it out. Just enter your name, city and state to see if yours is on file. After your license comes on the screen, click the box marked, "Please Remove." This will remove it from public viewing, but not from law enforcement. http://www.license.shorturl.com/ --Bill
  24. wrjwrj

    US Goverment Homeland Security

    I take it that's a bad thing ?:P -Bill
  25. wrjwrj

    Mostly For Over 40's

    THIS IS HAPPENING RIGHT HERE IN OUR OWN COUNTRY! We Must Stop This Immediately! Have you noticed that stairs are getting steeper. Groceries are heavier, And, everything is farther away. Yesterday I walked to the corner and I was dumbfounded to discover how long our street had become! And, you know, people are less considerate now, especially the young ones. They speak in whispers all the time! If you ask them to speak up they just keep repeating themselves, endlessly mouthing the same silent message until they're red in the face! What do they think I am, a lip reader? I also think they are much younger than I was at the same age. On the other hand, people my own age are so much older than I am. I ran into an old friend the other day and she has aged so much that she didn't even recognize me. I got to thinking about the poor dear while I was combing my hair this morning, and in doing so, I glanced at my own reflection......... Well,REALLY NOW - even mirrors are not made the way they used to be! Another thing, everyone drives so fast these days! You're risking life and limb if you happen to pull onto the freeway in front of them. All I can say is, their brakes must wear out awfully fast, the way I see them screech and swerve in my rear view mirror. Clothing manufacturers are less civilized these days. Why else would they suddenly start labeling a size 10 or 12 dress as 18 or 20? Do they think no one notices? The people who make bathroom scales are pulling the same prank. Do they think I actually "believe" the number I see on that dial? HA! I would never let myself weigh that much! Just who do these people think they're fooling? I'd like to call up someone in authority to report what's going on -- but the Telephone company is in on the conspiracy too: they've printed the phone books in such small type that no one could ever find a number in there! All I can do is pass along this warning: WE ARE UNDER ATTACK! Unless something drastic happens, pretty soon everyone will have to suffer these awful indignities. PS: Hope you all can read this, because something has happened to my computer's fonts - they are smaller than they once were! --Bill ;)
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