Missy, I am at work and can't say much right now, but I had to respond to your post. My hubby, Shane, lost his left leg several inches above the knee in August of 2005. 100% someone else's fault, with the other party taking no responsibility financially for the accident while we suffer every day for it. I understand anger and bitterness. Shane deals with it better than I do.
The first several months were very tough, with his phantom pains and his daily struggle to just get by alone while I was at work. Shane also was very active, and the doctors warned me that he would have a much harder time dealing with the amputation than a more sedentary person. I found this forum while hubby was still in the hospital, and it really helped me understand what we had to deal with going forward. I encouraged Shane to participate in the forum, but it was several months before he even looked at it. Since that time he has become a regular, sharing both the good and the bad with others here.
Your hubby sounds like he is dealing okay and moving forward. Those breakdowns are a necessary part of the process, as long as they aren't totally disabling. As for the counseling, I wouldn't count it out. One or both of you may seek it out eventually, though I agree it isn't for everyone. You just do what feels right and keep on moving forward. The fact that your husband has a wonderfully loving, accepting wife like you is a huge help to him. I'm sure of it. Keep talking and reading on this forum. If you can get him to participate he will see what a great resource the people here can be.