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marianne

Expressing yourself ...

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This should i thinked maybe be in the INTIMATE RELATIONS topic but since i don't know how to put this there under this new topic , i wwill start this here instead .

Over the past few months i have learned a great deal about myself and about living in general . I have fought hard to try and find a way to express this new zest for life but the words have semeded to escape me every time so , i resorted to doing what did best and that was to drsaw what i was feeling rather than actually saying it ... so much easier for me .

I think though that the other day , i may have actually taken this expression to a new level and got really carried away with it . I drawed a picture of how i was feeling about my very special person and I and the reaction i gotted was waaaaay huge and very emotional .

Ya , some of you have seen some of the stuffs i drawed here sometimes but i have been working on a new program thingie and was trying something new when it just sort of like hit me to try some of this , a wee bit of that , a teeny weeny bit of this too an dbefore i knew it ... voila , a new picture is done . I showed it and the reaction i got was something sooooo powerful that i was realy not sure how to react to it myself ... it was a wonderfull reaction andf my own feelings were something i too was waaaay happy about . I would love to be ablle to find the rigt words soemtimes but i have no idea were to look for them so , i draw .

Ok , so here is what i am wondering about then . I have my ability to creat artwork to express what i feel because of my un-ableness to properly verbaly communicate what i feel but , i wonder , hwo does other peoples express themselves and your feelings to your partner ?

( I will NOT be showing the picture in question because it is a deeply personaly thing between us so please don't ask to see it )

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Hey MJ,

Sounds like you have been through a wondeful experience. When it comes to how you feel about someone, words are often the last choice.

The way I show my feelings is through unconditional love. Meaning that no matter what my Better Half does or says it never changes the way I feel.

Words often fail me when I need to express how I feel.

Your ability with art is a spacial thing, you can show someone exactly what you feel inside. It's a gift and will set you free to love and be yourself.

Cat

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Cat , you just made me cry waaaay big because this is what i wanted to try and say but i seemed to lose my words .... again . Actually , i tried to creat a newer style of art but i was under a huge amount emotional stress and i think that between the stress and my need to conveey this feeling , i was somehow draswing a very deep , deep creation and it just " ran away " and i let it take me to where it wannannted to take me .

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MJ, you do a beautiful job with your art and are so fortunate to be able to express yourself in that way. How many of us would love to be able to have that kind of talent. For me, when the words come hard to say, I usually express myself through poems and have for many years, even had one published a few years back. So like you, we both have found ways to express ourselves, without the words being said and sometimes it says more than words could ever say. :D

Sheila lbk

Maine USA

Keep Smiling :)

To say I can't is to admit defeat, to say I can is to feel complete.

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MJ,

Like Sheila I write poetry. I have had numerous ones published. (I have yet to go to a conference, although I have been invited (i'm nervous)) I don't talk about my significant other much so here goes:

We met on an online dating site. It was a couple of months before Christmas. Since the first day, he has shown me unconditional support. EVEN WHEN I DON"T DESERVE IT!!! for example: we went out for st. patties day (both of us are part irish) and I got way drunk and went home with a total stranger. He called my house voicing his concern to my mom that he didn't know where I had went. He got a little mad at me and asked if I wanted to break up. I cried and said NO, that I was sorry (I didn't do anything sexual with the stranger). HE said ok...don't do it again (I haven't) and we were ok.

OK so that isn't really it....see even though I can write beautiful poetry I sometimes can't express my words either. When I got sick and put in the hospital He came everyday to see me. Then when I had the amputation he spent 2 weeks in the hospital (spent the night). I put him through the ringer...I constantly questioned his feelings for me now that my leg was gone, even though everytime he said Don't worry, I still Love you. He is better at voicing his feelings than me. I write. I write him emails, and send them, no matter how goofy they seem to me. He never laughs at me, and I think emails are a little less confrontational. I can say in the email..." i needed to say this but can't talk about it." and he is ok with that.

What I am getting at is JUST WRITE...whatever pops into your head...the first few times you may not give it to anyone, but writing it gets it out for you and the words don't seem as extreme as the feelings. After you get a little more comfortable with pouring your heart out on paper, you will be able to give it to people...if you really don't want to discuss it, you just needed to get it off you chest SAY SO. (write something like: I needed to say this but please don't discuss it. I just wanted you to know what I was feeling and I can't voice it.)

It works for me....and I love my man. He doesn't even mind that I have not been ready for sex yet. He told me "whenever you are ready I will still be here" (so sweet I cried).

I hope this helps you...BUT definately keep up with the drawing...IT IS a great way to show your feelings...the same as singing, poetry, etc.

:rolleyes:

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Oh wowowie , here i go asking a simple wquestion like how otherres exprees them selves to thier partners and i had the answer athe whoiole, time .

BEING TOTALY HONEST WITH THEM AND NOT HOLDING ANYTHING BACK

I have always been honest yes , but i have had this fear tha tif i tell all , i may end up losing what we have because i thinked i was burdoning but , NOT TRUE . I am thinking that being honest with my partner is just one step to this feeling of total freedom but at some point i guess one has to go to the next step an d just say to them selves that it is not soooo important to be accepted by everyone as long as your true to your S/O and yourself . My partner ? Wel we have alov ethat i have never seen anmywher esle and have never felt before . I ecpress myself with art and giving my all . My partner express herself with her amazing ability to send possive energy to me , words , actions and a love i had never before seen or experienced . Communication ? Yaaaaaa . what better waay to expresssse your self .

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MJ,

it sounds like a very beautiful love and the way it is expressed from both sides seems to just mould perfectly into a kind of completeness .... Isn't this what we all search for in life?! A kind of coming home, a peace .....

Well, you seem to have found yours ! :)

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Kaz , please pass me the klenex truck ... i need it after you wqroted that , soooooooo perfect .

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MJ, you're so right, being totally honest is the only way to be. That's exactly it..... it's not so important to be accepted by everyone, but it is, by the one you have chosen to love and who loves you. :ph34r: I'm happy for you, being able to have a partner to communicate with, it's so important!!! :D

It's strange how some people can see things, not to long after I came home, I had a person say to me, (if you can imagine) "what if your husband can't except you as you are now- I don't think mine could". My answer, direct and to the point, "Then he'll have to leave"!! You see, in my eyes love is unconditional and if all it takes is a medical trauma to destroy that love, then perhaps it wasn't love to begin with!! He's still here :angry: and says, as long as I can still do the laundry, he'll keep me a while longer!!!! :P :D :lol: :lol: :lol:

Sheila lbk

Maine USA

Keep Smiling :)

To say I can't is to admit defeat, to say I can is to feel complete.

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Have i been sooooo missing the point all this time ?

It's the communaication thigie i'm tallking about . I mean like there are soooooo many levells of commincations and sometimes , the point gets missed because it's all jumbled inot one thinge and it may be cluttered up with a ton of other stuffs.

Case in point . i think that many of you know by now that oi love to draw and use this as a means of expressing myself when my words fail me . I am alos a photograpoher and sometimes , the picture tells a story soooooo waaay greatnessingly that words are not enough . This is whathappened to me the othjer day when i sent a picture to try and express something important to me . The point was made i think but the delivery was less than perfect . I wanted to soooooo badly make a point but i failed to tak into consideration the picture within the picture and the point was sort of lessend a bit i think . It made me sad actually because i had really thought i tried but i failed to look past the emotion of the picture . Thgis like waaaaay bothered me actually .

so i guesss the point to be here is that sometimes , we can get all caught up in the emotion of whatt we want to say that when we try and say it , or show it , something is lost during the delivery . It's the thought that counts , yes , but i gueess there needs to be thought put into the thought too . Sorry for rabmbling on but this sort of bothered me and had to let it " out " .

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A long time ago I had a friend who was an artist. I always admired her for her ability to express things visually. Sometimes I would describe an idea and she could put it down on paper perfectly.

She had a problem with recurring nightmares, and would sometimes show up at my door at all hours, trembling because of her dreams. One night, without even thinking about it, I told her "Draw your dream. Even if it is not exact, DRAW IT!"

She sat down and sketched something that was pretty intense, but after she put it down on paper she owned it. She could destroy it if she wanted to, she could alter it, but it was now HERS. After that she never had that nightmare again.

If your talents are visual, use them. If your talents are verbal, use them (and not to cover up what you really mean, either!). Sometimes a touch can say more than words.

The funny thing about people who love us, and we always wonder why this is so, is that they want to hear what we have to say, or see what we have to share, or feel what we are trying to comminucate. Just as we want input from them. That's a big part of what loving someone is all about, IMHO.

Keep on drawing, MJ. There is too much there to keep it all to yourself!

maryl

By the way, my artist friend from so long ago is still my best friend after 30+ years.

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This was the quote :

" ... She sat down and sketched something that was pretty intense, but after she put it down on paper she owned it. She could destroy it if she wanted to, she could alter it, but it was now HERS. After that she never had that nightmare again. ... :

OK , now your gottening me freaking out here . Are you saying that that once you OWN your fears , they are no longer there ? Could it be THAT simple ?

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Hey MJ,

I guess you have to figure out what fear really is.

We all fear certain things. We fear what people will think of us, we fear what the boss is about to say when we get called into the office, we fear for our children. To me fear is an emotion that I feel when I am not in control of something.

Emotions can be controlled to a certain extent but we can't always be in control.

So I try to be strong enough that I can control my fears to the extent that I do own them a little, but I still have days when the world gangs up on me, but I try to deal with it as best I can.

Also that's not to say I don't care.....I do.....alot....but I really want to be just me, and with that in mind I blunder through life facing my fears every day.

Hope that made sense <_< :blink:

Cat

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"Are you saying that that once you OWN your fears , they are no longer there ? Could it be THAT simple ? "

Wish it were that simple. But it is not all that complicated either.

What scares us never goes away, BUT, when we own the emotion, rather than being owned by it, the whole situation changes. It becomes less potent. For me, when I "own" my fears, they become more like annoyances or just another distasteful thing rather than something that can hinder me. And it frees me to find the plan I need to confront, eliminate, alleviate or coexist with whatever the source might have been.

I came to this forum afraid of diabetes and its complications (hence my screen name). Since then I have learned about the disease and taken it on. I turned my fear into a plan of action. I still have the same fears but I use that as a motivation for taking care of myself and managing my disease rather than just being afraid of what can happen.

There are people on this forum who have faced their fears and turned them into motivation to live their lives and LIVE THEM WELL. The fear is there, but it is no longer a stumbling block.

In any case, I would rather see the devil face to face than wonder why it is so hot all of a sudden.

I have learned that the worst fears are lessened by light. Same thing with telling people what you feel and what you need. Obviously we have to be careful who we share our intimate selves with, but the payoff is worth it.

I tell my daughter when she has had a nightmare and is afraid to go back to sleep, "Tell (the monster or whatever it was that scared her), 'This is MY dream and you are not welcome here!'" It works.

But what do I know?

-m-

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what do you know?

Obviously -m- you know alot.

You have found a way to deal with your fears. And from your statement it appears to be a very good way. Everyone has different feelings and ways of dealing with them. But when someone can tell others how the feel and how they were able to feel that way they have OBVIOUSLY LEARNED ALOT!!!!

:ph34r:

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We all dislike not having a limb, but i look around this world and i see all the children and families starving to death and i consider my self lucky.

I love what Sheila said about the laundry, i think that applies to a lot of our men folk (apologise to the male members who do know were the ironing board lives :D ) I know it applies to mine.

Wishing you all well

Michelle

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