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LEMONS

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LIFE IS A LEMON AND I WANT MY MONEY BACK

LIFE IS A LEMON AND I WANT MY MONEY BACK

LIFE IS A LEMON AND I WANT MY MONEY BACK

LIFE IS A LEMON AND I WANT MY MONEY BACK

LIFE IS A LEMON AND I WANT MY MONEY BACK

LIFE IS A LEMON AND I WANT MY MONEY BACK

WHY

WHY

WHY

WHY

WHY

ALONE

ALONE

ALONE

ALONE

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Hey Tonya, whats up.

Something is getting to you, let us know, we might be able to help. If not then at least posting will let you vent.

Remember, we are here for you.

If you don't feel like posting them pm me or email. I don't mind.

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LEMONS

LEMONS

MY LIFE SUCKS

THERE IS NO HELP ANYWHERE

I WISH I WOULD HAVE DIED THAT NIGHT

I MIGHT JUST DO

GET IT OVER WITH

THEY WILL BE BETTER OFF WITHOUT ME

@$#$&%#%$*%^%$@&^%$#%$*&^%$$##&%%$##&$#&$#$#*%#&%$@#@%$@$#@$#^%$#$##!#@*%*#$@%#!^#&%$@$#!$#@@!^$#@!^$

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Tonya , i wonderfull person and even more wopndefuleer freind told me oncee that to see rainbows , we will first see a few rain drops . PLEASE gurl , look for the rainbow . PLLLLLEASE , try as hard as you can to find it and you will see it .

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Tonya,

I'm so sorry you feel like your life should have ended that night but remember the people around you would have suffered a great loss. I know it's hard to feel like you'll be worth something but remember with time things will get better. We always focus on the bad things when the bad things are happening but try to focus on the good even if the good was something that happened a long time ago. Everyone has a purpose and with time you'll find yours I know you will just have patience. I know easier said than done right? If you need to talk to someone I'm here for you just PM me! Please Please seek help from someone anyone! Remember you're not alone and believe me I have had my share of depression but have gotten through it with help from other people. Keep intouch with us VENT here or like I said and like Lesley said use the PM feature and we will help in anyway we can. I'm soooooooo sorry you are having these feelings.

I agree with MJ to in order to see the Rainbow we have to see the rain and sometimes there are clouds along the way as well. So keep looking through the clouds and rain and hopefully soon you'll see the rainbow.

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Tonya , i am soooooo feeling what you are saying that i just had to add soemeoemthingthast i fogettedft oto say before .

You say you gotted lemons , well gurl , perfect excuse to make lemonaid ... nice and sweet too .

Are you alone ? NNNNNNOOOOOOOOOO

As Brenda saided , there are waaaaay tons of people here ready and willing to help . Tell us what you wish us to do .

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Hi Tonya, good to hear from you again, but sad :( to hear your feeling so down girl. Please vent it out, DON'T hold it inside, as it will only eat away at you more. Something terrible must really be bothering you, maybe by sharing with others, you'll find some answers that may help, but PLEASE don't go it alone. :D I truely wish there was a way I could be there to comfort you, so to not feel so much pain. If there is anything at all I can help you with please feel free to PM me as well. You are never alone here with us and if no more than to just listen, please let us try and help.

I wish for all to see, that glimmer of hope, which can set you free.

Sheila

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Hi Tonya,

I'm sorry that you are feeling so much pain. Sometimes its difficult to see the reason we survive through terrible things. But there is a reason, we just have to find it. Its never easy and it's usually not what we expect but its worth discovering. Suffering brings things to the surface that we never even knew were there, in a way nothing else can. Some of those things are very difficult and painful to deal with. There's also another side to it. Suffering can also bring out strength, courage and a kind of self-awareness that can't be found anywhere else. The hurtful and negative usually bubble up first, making the rest of the process seem hopeless and too much to bear. But moving through this painful part of the journey, with the help of those who love you, is what develops courage, strength and self-awareness. I hope this makes sense. You are in my thoughts and prayers. No matter how much you feel that hope is lost and that you are alone, love and support are never far away.

Psalms 71:20 - You who have shown me many troubles and distresses Will revive me again, And will bring me up again from the depths of the earth. NASB

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My 1 yr anniv. is soon.

Live life in fear everyday.

did not know how I got sick.

might get sick again.

FEAR

Got denied for disability.

said if i was 55 instead of 35 i

would have got it.

my youngest is going to school.

afraid of what i am capable of doing

if i get to down.

I HATE THIS

There is no sugar to make my lemonade sweet.

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Tonya

I am really sorry about what you are going through. I am only 17 and I have felt some of the terrible things you are going through. You have so much going for you and remember you are a child of god and you are beautiful. Someone is always going to have it harder than you. I just think that you feel like why should I be here, but you should, because GOD and us couldnt handle you going away and never coming back

Please keep in touch with me

I will keep you in my prayers.

Keep your head up

:)

Lesley

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Tonya,

I can't say that I know what you feel, my aniversary is a year a way. But I may be able to offer some advice on the disability front. ( I helped my friends mom get it when she got brain cancer).

HERE GOES: In the USA the social security office has this wonderful little policy that if you are not born disabled you are denied your first application :angry: !!!! I heard that from a disability rep (on the down low :blink: )!!! They do this because alot of candidates will not pursue the claim and just find some sort of work to do even if it is hard and doesn't pay well. I think it has to do with that part of us that is animal based and we MUST SURVIVE.

What you need to do is file an appeal. Get another letter from you doctor stating you are PERMANENTLY DISABLED AND that the disability will last more than 1 year. Then you need to keep calliing. ALWAYS talk to your case manager. If you find that your case manager sucks (which sometimes happens) get their SUPERVISOR. Unfortunately you will have to fight a little bit, but you will get it. DON'T let them win. YOU ARE DISABLED. By law they are required to give you disability. Unless your doctor states that you CAN work. Make sure the Doc doesn't say that.

I am assuming you are living in the United States, if you are not I do not know foriegn disability policies and am sorry I can't be of more help. I know you can do this. And when it finally comes through you will have a good size back check. They go back a few months 3 months to 1 year from the date of your original filing and will pay you what you are owed when you get approved. I recieved 6 months back pay once $2500.00 it was amazing...I got caught up on my bills.

There is light at the end of the tunnel, its just a little dim right now. Throw a stick of dynamite up their butts and get what you deserve. Figuratively speaking of course :o :P !!!!

Good luck, and if I can help anymore let me know.

:ph34r:

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am filing an appeal.

talked to a lawyer.

said i will get denied again.

file an appeal again.

then will have to go in front of a judge.

I am going nuts.

it should not be this hard.

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Tonya, please be strong.

I have yet to get to my 1 year but as the circumstances leading to my amp are different i will be thinking differently to how you are now.

As for the disability, again in the UK things are done differently but even here sometimes we have to fight to get these things. Don't give up, keep appealing against these daft decisions. You are disabled and so entitled to the claim and as Shanna(ladycapulet) says these claims are sometimes denied just to put people off, don't let them get away with that, keep fighting for your rights.

It should not be so hard for people to claim what is rightfully theirs but i am afraid there are sometimes people who work the system and cheat on claims, so the process is made more difficult for them to cheat but this also means that the genuine people have to suffer in the process.

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Tonya, Tonya,

We have all been through some awful times - and I do believe it makes us stronger (although we may not see this at first!). As for wishing for an end .......well, you have children (?) and that makes us carry on surely! I know my strength came from wanting to be the same person as before - for them!

Recently, I have lost friends and family (much loved) - who battled so bravely against an illness that would claim them in the most degrading and debilitating ways, BUT - they would not give in, give up, or let it get the better of them. Such courage shown - as they wanted to live their lives to the full - no matter how much pain and suffering they - and their families were feeling. I know its easy to remind ourselves of these people - and I'm not measuring this against your pain - BUT sometimes we all need a little reminder of other things around us, and within our own lives?

Help is there when you need it - and you sound as though you do - just ask for it. I do believe that life is what you make of it - bad and awful things happen to us along the way - but its how we deal with these issues that make us what we are. Yes, we can all relate to awful things happening - we only need to look around and on the TV to see some of these things (war, illness, huge milestones being achieved by remarkable people) - BUT SOMETHING makes us carry on and shapes the people that we become - eventually.

Tonya, I hope that you find your strength, comfort and support that you need. We are all here for you to rant, ask, cry - whatever.

When reading your post, I was thinking about Lili - and all that she went through - YET her spirit was so, so strong, and her humour so witty, and I miss her presence here!! :(

Sue.

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Tonya,

I know it must be really difficult for you right now especially facing the 1 year mark of your amputation. The other thing that makes it tough on you is the fact you don't know how you got sick so I'm sure that's scary everyday not knowing if it will happen again. I have a friend that got sick seven (I think so anyway) years ago for no known reason and her whole life was turned upside down now every year as the anniversary rolls around she gets scared and with good reason. I know it must be difficult for you and I feel for you but remember this you made it through it and every day you're still here is a celebration of life. Keep looking through the rain and clouds so you can find the Rainbow and maybe there will be something waiting there for you. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers. Remember what I said use this board to post and vent that's what we're here for and we want to know that you're ok.

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Hi Tonya!

Your first anniversary is a hard thing to go through - it's like a big flash back to all you went through. Think about how far you've come from those days - even if you can't see the rainbow yet - the rain is lighter than it was.

Please look to anyone you have to for help - talk to anyone who will listen. Are there any support groups in your area? Some people don't like them but they are a very good resourse. Use us all here - we will help you - we understand the blue days and know the brighter ones are only around the corner - you just need help getting around the corner.

keep posting and as said - vent all you want .Will keep you in my prayers.

Wendy

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Hi Tonya,

Like you, my first year anniversary was filled with FEAR as well. It is such a scary emotion to face and yet we must, so to overcome and move on. Many of the things that had happened before, during and after the amputation came back into my head, as I'm sure it does for most of us. But then, you know what.... the day came and went and nothing happened to me, so from that moment on, I knew it was going to be all right and so too will you. I believe once anyone has been through a trauma in their life, the fear of that reoccuring will always be with them, even if just a tiny bit. The thing is, DON'T let it take control of you, instead, you take control of it!!! Then you'll see, those days of such fear are getting further and further apart and that's a good thing. :D Instead think about how far you've come over this past year, then bring the good things with you and leave the bad ones behind. It hasn't been easy for many of us, but we're not quitters and neither are you, or we'd have never made it this far. We're survivors, so please be strong, because time does heal, that is, if we allow it the time to do so. I wish you the very best and please keep us posted as to how things are going. Remember, we're here for you, so you'll never have to be alone. My thoughts and prayers are with you. tn_blue_angel_with_pressed_palms.gif

Sheila lbk

Maine USA

Keep Smiling :)

To say I can't is to admit defeat, to say I can is to feel complete.

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Tonya,

Like you, I just had my one year also, and it was tough. I thought I would be much further along by now. I fell in July and am still fighting my way back. It has been my kids and the support from this forum that has kept me going.

Do I still get down at times? Sure, I do. All human beings do. But the best thing is that we all have a place to go where understanding and empathy abound. When people here say they understand, they really do because they've been there themselves.

You'll be in my thoughts and prayers. I hope life improves and that the lemonade starts flowing soon for you. Take care.

Caroln

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Hey Tonya,

I'm so sad that you're hurting so much right now and wish we could all descend on you with hugs.

You can get through this, and be stronger for it.

Just remember.

The sun always rises tomorrow and the new day always brings hope.

Try to do it day by day and look for the hope.

Cat

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Tonya, I'm not sure if your saying your life is a lemon or you personally are a lemon. This I do know, no human being of any kind is a lemon and yes, life really sucks at times.

I am not going to pussy foot around with you with sweet words because life is earnest and hard for many people on this earth. I am 57 and since the age of 20, when I was dx'd with Crohn's Disease, it has been a battle to overcome it's various problems. Try having up to 20 BM's a day while raising babies. Having allergic reactions to the only meds for the dumb disease. But, I persevered. In 2000, I had to have a nice chunk of small and large intestines removed. Hope was it would be many years before I'd need surgery again. That big amount of time turned into 1 year and then in 2003 I had to have most of my large intestine removed. Hope again, wrong--allergic reaction to Heparin. From onset of something going wrong, it was 4 days and 3 surgeries later when I awoke to the blackest lower leg--blacker than any black person I'd ever met. Now they tell me that part of my leg must go. Yeah, I wanted to be dead too. I sure was no longer necessary for any one on this earth. My 2 sons are over 30, they don't need a mama anymore. My husband could have found himself someone who was a lot less hassle to tend to than me. But, those 3 guys prayed day after day as they were given statements like I may not survive, I might lose both my legs, so on and so forth. And guess what--God decided I should survive. At first I thought, gee thanks Lord, you too have a lousey sense of humor to keep me on this crappy planet this way. Didn't he realize what was ahead for me. People on this earth don't give a rat's patossi for broken humans. But, this was what my dear family wanted, me, to remain with them, no matter what.

Well, it's been a year for me, too. I've had to battle the CD as I always will. Like every other amputee, I had to fight to get up on both legs and walk again. Even though I was making it, I had to turn around, fall and break my stupid hip on my amputated leg. But, I fought that, too. That's what life is sometimes, a battle trying to achieve the best life you can for yourself. No one is ever going to give it to us, we have to fight and earn whatever we can get to accomplish our goals. Now, I did get S/S disability right off the bat, but that was for the Crohn's disease. I sent them every doctor's name who had ever treated me from the age of 20--lot of history there for them. A lot of people get turned down, but you have to have a doctor willing to go to bat for you and tell them you cannot go out a earn a living to support your self or family. Keep a positive attitude that if you keep battling for yourself and you come back time and again, it will work out. So you have to going to a hearing, then they will see firsthand how difficult it is for you--that's not a big problem for them to see who they have been turning down.

You're 35, you say. You're young and too young to be giving up. Love yourself and your child enough to hang in there and fight. You have purpose and value, especially to us other broken human beings. If I didn't care about you, I wouldn't be giving you the lecture I'd give my own 34 yo son who I love dearly. Everyone on this earth is broken in one way or another, we just have broken parts that are more visible than other's broken parts. Don't let the broken parts break your spirit. It's our spirit, our soul that makes us different and somewhat better than those who appear whole, but are not. The rough patches of life come and go, but our spirit, our hutspuh must go on no matter what life throws our way.

By the way, through all these latest crappy experiences, my husband was unemployed or really underemployed which really made it hard for me to feel I could possibly be of any value in my condition. I literally anguished over how things would turn out. I feared most of all that our home would be taken from us because there was no way we could file bankruptcy of any kind because we had check a year earlier. But, we managed and persevered and we still have that roof over our head. On September 7 or 8, despite all that's happened, I'm going back to a part time job as an aide to a driver transporting special needs students. I'll work 2 hrs in the AM and PM and won't lose my disability because that is all I can do due to the Crohns. The important thing is that after a year, my life is finally going to have some resemblence of normalcy to the life I felt was taken from me a year ago. You, too, can do. Have love and patience for yourself and the bureacracy that comes along when things like this happen to us. We all know you, too, can make it Tonya--let our faith in you sustain you as you go through this rough time.

Caring for you,

Carole

PS Sorry for the roughness, but sometimes we mommas got to come off that way.

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