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Heather Mills - Amputee Forum
Peggy

"no excuses today- not even........"

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:D just thought id share a couple of my funny moments from my life so far concerning my disability......

when i went to school- a few years ago now, there was a rule that we werent allowed to wear trainers- unless it was for medical reeasons, so i WAS allowed, and there was a note on the staffroom notice board with my picture to say so....

one day, when we were all getting off the bus (there was always a teacher stood at the bottom of the steps to "inspect us") the teacher- i cant remember his name now, maybe it was mr reed.... anyway he took one look at my trainers and said , "no excuses today, i dont even care if you;ve got a wooden leg!"

as you can imagine, most of the people in direct earshot who knew me totally gasped as they didnt know what my reaction would be- luckily for the teacher im pretty good at dealing with things like that and i just burst into total hysterics laughing, and he said "whats so funny? i will put you in detention if you dont change your shoes straight away" so i looked him right in the eye and said "not even if you have a wooden leg eh?" and lifted my trousers up so he could see my prosthesis, it was so funny he went red as a beetroot, i then explained about the note on the staffroom notice board and he couldnt apologise enough- he was mortified, luckily for him i saw the funny side!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

L xxxxxxxx :D

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That's so funny Lauren,

School is always a good source of funny stories.

We went swimming one day for sport and as I climbed out of the pool one of the guys was holding my leg up saying" You're not getting this back!!"

I calmly hopped to my towel and dried myself and then slowly started to hop towards him. He backed off but had no idea how FAST I could hop. As he turned to run I put in a couple of extra bounds and body slammed him and knocked the wind out of him. I sat next to him while he caught his breath and calmly put my leg on and walked away to the sound of applause from around the pool.

Needless to say noone ever tried that one again, and i got nicknamed Skippy.LOL

Cat

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Very funny in deed! So your poor teacher had no place to hide his face !!!!

And for you Cat, how fast can you really hop??? What the heck was this boy thinking after that , I am glad you showed him a trick or two :D

Dea

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I've never timed myself.....pretty fast though.

Maybe I'll get a stopwatch some time.

Now THAT'S gonna be a funny story in itself I think

Cat

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Those are some funny stories.

THe funniest story I can think of resulted in me not needing a gym credit to graduate.

I used to do gym in my wheelchair...like for indoor hockey someone would push me and I would swing the stick. Ok so we were playing indoor wiffle ball...and I was up at bat. Most of the kids were teasing me (in good fun--I was used to it and teased back) that I wouldn't be able to hit the ball let alone score. WELL THEY WERE RIGHT about the scoring anyway. I smacked that ball so hard...I got a home run :D Well I got SO EXCITED I just let the bat fly, it eneded up going behind me and smacking my gym instructor in the head :o !!! He called me out on lack of control on equipment and had a talk with the principal to say that he thought I was too dangerous for gym :rolleyes: !! THe kids laughed and laughed I was slugger for a while.

:ph34r:

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Nice one Slugger!!! :D

Ok.......I timed it. 100 metres in 21.6 seconds.

Not bad considering the above story happened about 25 years ago when i was a little fitter and flexible.

Did I say a little??? :rolleyes:

Cat

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Thanks britinfrance, this is one American friend who didn't know about trainers. :D

I was just thinking of something cute that happened while in the hospital. After having this last surgery in Sept 03, I had the nurse put my leg in the closet, cos right at that time I couldn't get up to use it and was just in the way. Well one of the nurses aids noticed it in there and said, "is this your leg"? I said, "yes" To which she says, "how are you gonna walk, if your leg is in here"? I said, "no problem, when I'm ready, it'll walk over to me"!!! She never asked another question, just did her job and got outta there!! :rolleyes: :lol:

Sheila lbk

Maine USA

Keep Smiling :)

To say I can't is to admit defeat, to say I can is to feel complete.

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No Prob Shiela!! :D

In fact you would not believe the differences between the different english around the world.

Now, remembering we're British my wife was horrified to be told by a friend when we arrived in the states years ago to "park her fanny on a chair" :o . I wont bother sayiing what part of a lady's anatomy that means in English English. :lol:

In Australia the signs in some places would say "no thongs allowed" but this had nothing to do with underwear! In Oz thongs are flip flops. Hmmm, I wonder if Mr John Kerry would be referred to as "Thong Man".

And my secretary in the states was amazed to hear me ask for a rubber, which is English English for an eraser.

All good fun , and Im sure theres loads more of instances!!

Keith

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Believe me, I sure know the meaning of "park your fanny in the chair" been told that many times, while growing up!!! :angry: :D :lol:

Hey I like that Kerry "The Thong Man" and I believe Clinton can be referred to as the other "Thong Man" from this country!!! :angry: :lol: :lol: :ph34r:

I know, I sometime wonder when I write certain things how it's being interpreted in other countries, all in good fun I hope!! :D Also, I wish that if someone doesn't understand what I trying to express, that they would feel free to ask. No problem, even my husband has all he can do to understand me sometimes :P :lol: :lol:

Sheila lbk

Maine USA

Keep Smiling :)

To say I can't is to admit defeat, to say I can is to feel complete.

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After visiting England and the U.S. I firmly believe that only the English speak English. I speak Australian and the Americans speak American.

In England when asked how my parents were I innocently said, "When I left my Mum was in bed with a wog"....in Australian that means the Flu :angry: , had to pick the poor old lady up off the floor :ph34r: .

In the U.S. I asked for chips at McDonalds and at a supermarket asked where the biscuits were, only to be shown to the aisle with scone mix in it :angry:

How very embarrassment.

Cat

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Well CAT , actually , i ahve reallly not runned intoi this probellem sooo much becaus eif i want to use a wrodf and don't know what it is or i can't think of a word to use , no biggie , i'lll just make one up and voila , a new word . heehehehee . Besides , why be normal i say .

And just who is the one who decideds what is normal anyway ?

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NORMAL.... what's normal??? I think the ones who decides what normal is, are themselves!! A definition in which we all chose to see with our own eyes. :D

For instance, if you think your normal, then you are according to your version of normal. Now do I sound NORMAL or what!!!! :P :ph34r: :lol: :lol: :lol:

Time to take the meds and go to bed!! :(

Sheila lbk

Maine USA

Keep Smiling :)

To say I can't is to admit defeat, to say I can is to feel complete.

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George Bernard Shaw once said that the U.S. and Britain were "two countries separated by a common language."

I was a little shocked when in London and a nice man told me he would come by and "knock me up about 6." (In the States, "knock up" is make pregnant.)

It took awhile before I understood what "Ring before calling" meant.

Cheerio (an oat cereal here, by the way...)

maryl

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Gotta like it!!!!......... :P :D :lol: :lol: :lol:

Sheila

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Nice stories.

I remember being allowed to wear trainers when I had my accident, AND massive flared trousers to fit over my massive cast. The teachers also assigned someone to carry my lunch tray and school bag for me, it was the best!! :D

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I cant believe this t is still here from 2004!!! seems like a hell of a long time ago!!!

Sure does Lauren :rolleyes:

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i'm glad you woke this one up Peggy, i hadn't read it!

what a giggle xx

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In fact you would not believe the differences between the different english around the world.

Keith

In South Africa, trainers are called "takkies".

Traffic lights are called "robots".

And when we say "I'll do it just now", it has no time frame. In fact, we may never get around to doing it at all.

:P

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In fact you would not believe the differences between the different english around the world.

Keith

In South Africa, trainers are called "takkies".

Traffic lights are called "robots".

And when we say "I'll do it just now", it has no time frame. In fact, we may never get around to doing it at all.

:P

Trainers here are called "Runners" (seems logical to me you run in them :P )

Traffic lights are called really bad names , especially when you have to brake hard :lol:

When there is something we need to do but don't want to we say that " We'll do it when we get a round tuit"

post-813-1173779852_thumb.jpg

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Here in the South, when you're about to do something, most people say "I'm fixing to". Like, I'm fixing to go to the mall, I'm fixing to do laundry, etc. I was an adult before I realized it actually makes no sense. But I still say it. It makes sense to me <_<

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Here in Derbyshire we have are own language.

Abide - 'Ah canner abide 'em.' To endure, (I can't stand them)

Ah'd gorrallon - I'd got all on. I was hard pressed

Ah wer all of a shek! - I was all of a shake, I was trembling

Battin' - Moving fast, as in: 'Eh wer battin' along!'

Blobbed - Stuck out, as in 'Shey blobbed 'er tongue aht ut mey!'

Causey - Pavement

Chunter - To complain, mumble.

Clonk - To hit. 'It clonked me ont th'ead'

Dob im one on! - Hit him!

Dunna gerrum gooin'! - Don't upset them.

Dunna wittle! - Don't worry.

Eh fell ova is-sen - He was eager. 'Eh fell ova is-sen te gerra better view'

Eh's gorra munk on - He's in a bad mood.

Firk - To scratch in an agitated manner

Flit - To move house

Fun - Found: as in 'Ah fun that photo up int loft'

Ganzi - Pullover or sweater

Gerraht! - Get out!

Gone-aht! - Surprised, as in 'Eh lowked gone-aht ut mey'

Is it woth ote? - Is it worth anything?

It's nowt te dow wi' mey - It's nothing to do with me

Keen - Stinging, smarting, as in: 'It caught me ont arm, an' it cum keen an' all'

Let dog say t'rabbit - Make room.

Let's be raight - Let us look at the situation truthfully.

Mank abaht - To mess about, fool around.

Mend t'fire - Put some more coal on the fire

Namor - No More. 'Ah've towd yuh, an' ah'll tell yuh namor

Owd yer sweat! - Take it easy, calm down

Piggle - To work away at something with the fingers.

Pumps - Gym shoes

Raight as a cart - In fine fettle

Rammel - Worthless rubbish.

Scrat-up - Shortage of money, as in: 'Ah maniged te gi'e 'em ther bus-fares, burrit wer a scrat-up'

Sustificate - A certificate

Tat-ar - An ordeal, a bad time, as in: 'Ah've ad a raight tat-ar in them shops this mornin!

Taitered - Exhausted

Up te press - Up to now, up to present time

Utch up! - Move a little, budge yourself

Wang - To throw

This poem by JR Booker will give you some idea.

When a loved one whispers your name across a crowded room,

You're supposed to hear it as plain as day.

But the reply is not always what its meant to be,

"Wot?, I can see thi gob moving! What did tha say?"

When a loved one blows sweet nothings in your ear,

Trying to stoke a fire in your belly,

Its funny how tha guz stone deaf,

Cos, in five minutes, its football on telly.

When she's full of Eastern Promise and on her way to bed,

Throws you a kiss and mouths "Don't be late",

You miss it. 'Cos theres a match on canal tomorrow,

And tha wondering what'll be best bait.

When you've secretly stashed away your maggots,

And forgot to put lid on rait tight,

When she oppens 'fridge door next morning,

That'll be loud enough-- you'll hear that allright!!

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