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Heather Mills - Amputee Forum
eddie103

Becoming Normal Again

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Hi All:

Winter has set in this aprt of the world. Perhaps that is why I may be somewhat down.

It's been two years since I was transformed. I have ok days and some not so ok ones. Currently, I experience a discomfort with myself. I am tired of the planet's population continuously staring at me. I am tired of working so hard to just get to an equal footing with others. When I am scouching on the floor, I detest what I look like - what I am.

Now, don't get me wrong, I am very proud of what I can do and am very pleased that I was left with what I have. BUT---

The constant foreign things wear on me.

Is there a point in time / a whatever / that one becomes "normal" within oneself?

Is this an evolving thing I am going through?

I am considered by most to be a strong person etc but i find this very defeating.

ED

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Hi Ed,

I'm sorry I don't have any words of wisdom for you at this time. At times life can be very cruel, and we strive to find ways to cope! I also consider myself to be very positive and strong - but there are days for me too, when I look at myself, and wonder.... I think maybe time and patience, will one day pay off.

I think its normal to have ups and downs - I just hope the ups out weigh the downs.

Good luck, and remember that we are all here for you.

Sue - Cardiff - UK

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Don't let these phases break your spirit. If there's one thing most of us have in common on this forum (besides the obvious) is a determined and unbreakable spirit!

I have had a much longer time to get over this than you have but believe me, a time will come when you will find a peace with yourself, with your situation.

You wrote this : ' I am tired of working so hard to just get to an equal footing with others. ' ...what do you mean? Keeping up with them physically ? or do you mean you feel inferior to them? if so, why?

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To Kaz:

By this I mean, I try so hard to be what I was, what everyone else around - is.

To carry a cup of coffee and not just yourself. To hold a grandchild without falling over / on and on.

I know a lot is impossible for me - to bend over and pick something up etc.

To accept my limitations is - -hard.

On the other hand, today I did 30 minutes on a treadmill at 1.6 mph / spent 10 minutes on a foot press and can walk without canes a whole lot better than before.

The road just seems very very long just to be somewhere around where I was.

Do I feel inferior to others - at times. But then I think about the fact that statisically some of the others will be as I am some day and they will not have the strength or desire to do what I can do today.

I have been told that I will be discharged in a couple of weeks from rehab. They cannot do anything more for me. The rest will be up to me to push my envelope as far as will be possible to whatever degree will be possible. This I will do.

ED

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Hi ED, I'm sorry you're having these feelings, but I must agree, I do think winter has a lot to do with our downs, where we tend to be confined inside more often. Which IMO, allows us to much time to dwell on things, instead of being outside enjoying them. But all we can say is, this too will pass, along with our down moods.

The staring at first bothered me, but after awhile I said, "hey, I'm NOT going to hibernate for anyone, if they can't handle it, that's their problem, so let THEM be the ones to turn and walk away. I think people stare for many different reason, some just ignorant, some plain rude, others probably feel bad, in their heart, that you are having such a struggle in life, to which they have no knowledge. So the next time someone stares, try and look beyond that and see how scared they too may be, that it just as easily could one day be them.

Maybe you're working to hard to be like others, we are who we are and can't always compare ourselves. Perhaps if you give more thought, as to being just ED, I'm sure the rest will come in due time. You stated, "you detest what you look like-what I am." Well I'm not a bilateral, so only speaking for myself, I don't look to pretty with my leg off either, but you know what.... that isn't all of me, the rest is on the inside, where it really matter the most. You seem to be a very considerate man with a warm caring heart, something so many abled body people are lacking. Now, I'd say, 'what you are', is a person with character that truely makes up the man, something no stare of anything can take apart. :D I believe we're all normal within ourselves, it's only by other people's standards, that make us feel differently. Sorry you're just going through a bad time right now, which is totally allowed, just make sure you look for the SUNSHINE either tomorrow, the next day, or the next...... as we sure don't want any of our members in the dark for to long, k? ;) Phew.... sometimes I wished I wasn't so long winded!! :P :lol:

Sheila lbk

Maine USA

Keep Smiling :) (tomorrow is another day)

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Hi Eddie

Earlier this year was my 10 year anniversary. I can say things have gotten better over the years, but for me just looking in a mirror is a constant reminder that I’m not like everyone else, which is a blessing and a curse. As a matter of fact, I’m not like most people on this board. I am an upper extremity amputee. Don’t get me wrong though, I’m not complaining. I can do almost everything other people can do. I love the way I am and I am very proud to represent amputees. I love showing people what all I can do. Most people are amazed, especially kids they love playing with my hook.

But I still have my bad days just like everyone else. I’ve had phantom pain for over 10 years now and that in its self takes a toll on a person. Also this year I ran into my first major act of what I think is discrimination which set me back a long way, but that’s a different story.

All in all things have gotten much better, and continue to get better every day. I have accepted the person I have become and I am striving to be a better person every day. And yes winter time is rough on everyone. I hate setting inside with nothing to do in the evenings. I have started staying at work longer so I won’t have to set at home being board.

Hopefully things will get better for you also. Hang in there, better days are coming.

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Hi Eddie,

Do I feel inferior to others - at times. But then I think about the fact that statisically some of the others will be as I am some day and they will not have the strength or desire to do what I can do today.

Well, I think you answered your own question here. ;) If this had happened to a friend of yours, you probably would have thought, wow this guy has a lot to deal with & look how well he's handling it....not sure I could if it were me. Well, it was you & I think your're doing just fine. You need more time. I've been this way for 22 yrs & I don't think being a bilateral amputee is the worst, I think putting up with the bull**** that comes with is more frustrating. I've been lucky to be mobile & I have two boys that don't allow me time to myself so I have no time to get down. I have more than my share of days where just putting on a pair of jeans is taxing. Makes me envious of the "others" that go to their closets pick anything out including any shoe & just GO! I just wish that prosthetics were more comfortable, asthetically pleasing, & functional. Also wish you could just go to a store pick out what you like & take them home. Perfect fit & affordable. :rolleyes: Feel like I just wished for too much.

So, just give yourself time. Time does really heal all wounds. Including blisters from those wonderful prosthetics. Gee, another perk! Nobody's perfect & hell, who wants to be!?! Don't be so hard on yourself Ed.

Take care,

Linda

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Hi Ed,

Can't really help out with information about how you feel following amputation, as it's very early days for me, but you're first line may hold the clue as to why it's worse now. I've heard that some people are affected by the shorter daylight hours more than others and suffer from a form of depression known as Seasonal Affected Disorder. This is particularly bad in high latitude locations such as your own as the winters are so much longer. I believe some sufferers have had some relief using an artificial light source of a certain wavelength. Maybe this could help with the feelings your having now.

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Hello Ed--down days happen to everybody, even people that are not amputees. It is part of life, not the funnest side but part of it none the less. I have come to believe that each amputee has a very strong spirit that carries them through the tough times and brings us out into the sunshine again.

I hope we can help each other through those tough times and enjoy the sunshine together!

Take care.

Caroln

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Ed

There only staring coz their jealous..............you hang in there buddie, everybody goes through this I'd rather not be disabled today feeling. We have no choice, it's our hand we've been dealt.

Soon the Spring will be here the birds will be singing :D The sun is up the sky is blue it's beautiful & so are you (Sic John Lennon)

You keep kicking ass Ed

Sounds like time for Motorhead on the stereo at volumn 11

Keep rockin'

Paul

Demand the right to be unique!

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HI All:

OK - mood's over.

Been real busy throwing out a few subjects for people to think about.

Snow's here and my new snowmobile is beeing delivered this Sat.

ED

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