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eddie103

The Adventures of ED

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Sorry for "dual posting" information but some persons in this thread have expressed an interest in the upcoming radio program that I had participated in.

The airing of the radio story on myself will be on August 6 ( a Saturday)

The program is called "Lost and Found" and will air between 1 pm and 2 pm.

I am the first interview during the time slot.

Here is the net link to CBC Canada_ local Manitoba:

http://www.cbc.ca/manitoba/#

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::: Terror on the Escalator :::

So we decide to go to the mall. For a long time now, I go in legs and use one cane only. I do this so that I can finally have a free hand. It is difficult but it is also getting a bit easiler.

The wife wants to look at some stuff on the second floor. Ususally I take the elevator.

This day, I decide to try tackling the escalator knowing that this is going to be VERY difficult.

Soooooooo....................I'm at the base of the damed thing. I tell the wife to go first...............I wait till she is at the top "so she can catch me when I try to get off".

I'm staring at the steps.........watching the moving rail........trying to get the rythym(?).........really apprehensive...........there's now two girls behind me waiting..............PRESSURE!!!

I tell them to go ahead...............PLEASE!!........they do.

Now they are cheering me on...."Come on.....you can do it"

Thanks......now I have an audience!!!

I take the leap.................I'm on!!!!!

Shaking a bit....I ride the dam thing up knowing that I have no time to to question the "off" method................I get there........and I'm off!

Feel pretty good about myself. Do a little shopping around. Now it's time to go down.

I get to the top of the escalator...............look at it for awhile...............and finally chicken out................take the elevator down instead.

Enough for one day.

ED

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Hehehe Ed, well done. I had forgotten that dreaded first (and second and third.....) time on the escalators! In fact, I still find it daunting, but elevators scare me too - I think I won't make it through on time and the doors will close on me. And as you say, having an 'audience' doesn't help.

I so enjoy your adventures! Thanks!

Ally

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Actuallly Eddie , I doon''t knowwing how you mmaaged ed to doing that becuase I amm still waaaay scarred of esclalaators for sure . I hhaddded a really yukking faling from one a while agao . Howeeever , the worsttest thing i haded to try was gooing throough a revolvving door . YYYYYYYYUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK . I thiinkinged that just aboout evvery perrson who hadded to going intoo that buildding was late for work that daay becucase I eneded up falling doown and jamming the dororres big time . It wass a good thingie that my dad waas riight tthere becucase he is a HUUGGGEEE grizzzly bear siizzed dad and hhe beatteed upping the dor to resuuce lil' slushy gurl . I wass on cruttcched thenn so now mmaybe i willing be better wiith themm but ... nooooooooooooooo i'm stayying gurl awaay fromm those persoon eattin g thingiies .

Then , in onn eof the hellspitals that i sommettime goiing to they have this new reveolllving door thingg that is HUGE an da pperson eveen in a wheelchaiir can ussing and it's ann automattic dor soo it is alwaay slowwiingly turuuning but they avving some sortt of sennessor thingiie in it that if a persoon is waay slwoow the dorr slowws downn with them . Obvioussly this door was inventted by gurls bbeccuase it is a waaaay awsom eidea . :P :P :P

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Atta Boy Ed!

Yor are one on me there, I haven't tried the escalator yet.

You are doing terrific Ed!

I don't post often, but always watching for "your posts."

Still not sure if I am going to Dallas or not, if I do go, I'll look you up!

Ted

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Hi Ed,

Congratulations on the marathon. Pretty impressive!

As for the escalator.............loved it! You have a very descriptive quality in your writting. The only thing left to add is that I wouldn't worry about not getting down...at your age, you should be glad you got it up! :o (sorry, had to say it before Muz got the chance).

Linda

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I'm impressed, Ed. I'm chicken to do the escalator and I'm just one BK! You've given me inspiration to try the next time. Going up is one thing - coming down is something else entirely. If you fell going down it would probably hurt :o .

Life is just full of adventures, eh?

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at your age, you should be glad you got it up!  (sorry, had to say it before Muz got the chance).

Perish the thought Ed, I have far to much respect for my elders ;) :P :lol:

By the way congrats on the escalator. They're not easy even for single BK's.

MJ sorry to hear of the escapade with the revolving door. I have to correct you about the hospital one though. If it's a gadget it just has to be invented by a man B) :) They should put them in clothes shops that way men could put the brakes on their wives/girlfriends/daughters spending habits :D

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Oh noo , no , no , no , no . Muz , you havving iit all wronng .

If you men would learrning how to PROPERLY spendding moenyy like NOT buyying lotts of thingiies for drinking and smokkiing and stuffs like that , you would havving morerer monney lefft ovver to beeing able to allowing us gurlls to shpoping for the right stuffs and pameriing us the wayy we deservving too being papppered . We don't assking for lot's ... all we wanttting is simmple the besttest stufs and that is nopt alot to assking for . After alll , we deserrvving that muchh .

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LOL Linda!!! That was wicked!! :lol: :lol: ;)

ED, yet again, that's just amazing!!! You have every right to feel proud. :D

I know what a sense of accomplishment managing to tackle the escalator can give you. About 7 months ago, we needed to go to North London, and thought it would be quicker on the tube (underground). Obviously, because it's underground, you need to get down to the platform to get on the trains. I had totally forgotten about the escalators until I got off the train and saw them. My mum said we should take the lift, but it hadn't occurred to me to NOT take the escalator. I WAS nervous, but I kept telling myself that there was no other option (sometimes we have to lie to ourselves!). I got on and off easily.

Then, a few months later, whilst shopping on Oxford St., hubby and I wanted to go down into a sports shop. Of course, there were escalators, and I felt that I could do it. However, I was wrong. I completely bottled it. :blink:

I kept looking at the rhythm of the steps on the machine, but that made it worse. After several minutes of watching (and letting people go ahead of me), the security guard at the bottom of the escalator had worked out what was going on (I think the crutch helped with this) and decided to stop the escalator for me, so I could walk down step by step. It wasn't particularly busy, so he could do this with no problems.

You'd have thought he'd have started up the machine again once I was on it, to save time and effort, but Nooo, he watched me make it down the steep steps, one at a time. <_<

It was the same story on the way up, with me 'testing the waters', so to speak, but bottling it again.

However, after a few hours, hubby decided to return to that same sports shop to buy something he'd seen the first time round (typical men! <_< :P ), and I thought, "Uh-oh!" But, after thinking about what went wrong the first time, I concluded that I had thought about it TOO MUCH. I remembered how easy it was when I used the tube that time. That particular time, I didn't think about things too much, and just stepped on and off, as if I was "normal."

So, this time, I wanted to prove to myself that I could do it. So, I just walked on, without spending another thought, and this time made it down! Woohoo! :D

As I was travlling down the escalator, the security guard recognised us, and started applauding! It was so embarassing, but I felt proud of myself anyway. :rolleyes:

It was the same story on the way up. The security guard had offered to stop the machine again, but I thanked him and told him it wasn't necessary. I had solved the problem. I just had to NOT think about 'how' and 'what', but - to steal the slogan of a popular sports company - JUST DO IT!

So I have been on several more escalators since, and I adopt the same principles;

* Never question whether you'll be able to do it

* Don't think about what could go wrong

* Don't think about things too much

* Lastly, ENJOY THE RIDE!!

It seems to be working for me! ;)

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* Never question whether you'll be able to do it

* Don't think about what could go wrong

* Don't think about things too much

* Lastly, ENJOY THE RIDE!!

Especially at his age ;)

:o :o

That was an excellent pick up Marcus! :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

I should have known <_< ;)

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::: Tornado Alley :::

Saturday evening we watched lightning and heard thunder far, far away. It had been a very hot day and we all were hoping for rain to cool the evening off.

Time goes by.........no rain..............the storm has passed us by..................we go to bed.

At 1:00 am, we awake 'cause the wind is winding up..........louder and louder!

Rain comes..............hail a bit....................the wind is howling.

We watch as the umbrella on the deck flies over the rail................the lightning is constant......................thunder cracks very close.............there are moments of questionable fear..........we have never seen trees whip and bend so far.

This goes on for over an hour!!

The storm finally passed.........we sleep................get up early.........and look.

A hurried count tallies 14 trees down........most snapped........some uprooted.

We spend the entire day cutting, sawing, clearing, wacking brush and wood.

We are Lucky.........

The little town about 10 miles away was wacked...................800 trees down in town...........some lots not a tree left.............on the way there we pass areas of forest completely gutted............1000s of trees snapped, bent, uprooted, twisted...................story is that two twisters were sited by some.........all are ok but very saddened at the devastation.

...........a sad sight.

ED

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And no one was hurt? Whew...somebody was looking out for you.

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::: Stormin' Norman :::

When we go to the country, it is my responsibility to watch the dogs while the wife unloads the truck. I am supposed to do this as I suck at unloading the truck.

We have several dogs. Two female Bichons, a male Chihuahua and an old, almost expired, female Chihuahua who is carried around a lot.

So we arrive..........all dogs head out to pee.............the wife unloads the truck. I ahve to watch the little male as he blends in with the grasses.. He likes to pee a lot.

Soooooooooo, I keep a real good eye on "Bandit". Little bugger is not going to fool me this time. he pees here.........he pees there............he pees here again............now he poops.

I call him in and he heads twowards the house. All is going well.

He goes under my truck...........I bend down as well as I can........and ...........lose sight of him!!!!

Curse the loss of my legs!!!!!!

He's nowhere in sight.............the wife is "speaking".

I'm so pissed, I stomp off down the laneway. I mean.........really stomp!!

I get to the road..........stomp back down the laneway...........have a discussion.........

Stomp even harder back up the laneway..............I see him in the ditch (litle bugger)

We finally get him. All is ok.

It wasn't later that I realized that I had "stomped........really stomped" back and forth to the road. In the end this is a good thing...........I was "riding" my legs I am sure for the first time!!!

ED

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::: The Final Frontier :::

I thought I would bring to an end this thread.

I have chronicled my “adventures” as I have “evolved” in the state I am…………yes I have “plateaued” as they call it. I expect to get “better” at things to whatever degree and I have accepted a lot of my “limitations”.

I will always need a cane……….sometimes two. I will always live parts of my life on my ass………..I will always have to put up with the soreness of sockets etc. My woodshed will always be too tall for me to pile. I will never pick up my grand children when they ask.

So what is left?.......................the future of course!!!

Sooooooooooooo off we go to look at RVs………..fifth wheels to be exact.

First of all, I had a friend who owns one of these puppies and had him go through the steps of handling one. No need to go further unless I can do the job!!! Result…………no problems. My wife is jubilant in the fact that I can handle the sewage flush……not her!!

The next step…………….looking at these things.

I wobble around the sales site with one cane while she looks at various models. I end up standing at the door way of all until one or so interests her. Now the next major hurdle is in front of me……….the steps. Can I get into one? I am wearing full legs. The steps are real high off the ground and are very narrow. The units now come with a grab handle for old farts but it is on the wrong side for me (I am left handed and that one is occupied by the cane).

It is a little foreboding. If I can’t get in…….what the hell!!

I figure a way up………a little awkward…………….but it is the first time.

Get to look around, sit down here, sit down there, check out stuff, like…………….can I get on the bed. Am I able to get to the liquor cabinet etc. Result…….hey this will be OK. Now…………………..

Let’s get out of this thing. You all know going up is ok……………..it’s the down thing that is true trouble. Very slowly, step by step I make it to the ground.

I realize that I will be able to do this “easier” in my little legs………..one way or the other. Therefore, the fifth wheel configuration IS acceptable. The next step will be the truck. I haven’t done this yet and do not expect a problem.

So, the initial investigation is acceptable.

Plans are now to wait until winter is over……………purchase……………and head to Alaska this coming summer…………or maybe down the Sates, over to the east part and up to Canada and back…………….or wait till fall and head south to Mexico or over to Arizona for the winter. Who knows?

Of course there still remains the minor details like…………..do I put my spare legs inside or do I hang them dressed on the rack out back to give those trying to pass, something to ponder? Do I strip down my chair or is there a “dolly” to drag it behind? How about those bumper stickers? Think they have one…………Danger……….do not pass……….legless driver!!!! Or……..sorry pal, I’d give you the finger but my hand is on the gas pedal!!! At the sites……………is there a discount for one and a half persons? Am I in trouble when the police officer says “step out of the vehicle with your hands up” and I ass plant out the door?

These and many more will be answered in the future I am sure and will be recorded in the thread to be called

::: Travels with My Amp :::

Hence “the Adventure of ED” concludes.

ED

P.S. of course if there is something truly worthy, I will resurrect this thread again.

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You crack me up Ed! :lol: I like the bumper sticker ideas. Get a patent & make some $$$$$$$$$$.

Happy Trails!!!!!!!!!!!!

Linda

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A wonderful journal Ed, we all learn from your posts, laugh and cry with your amazing exploits! :D

You can't keep a good man down! Be lucky in all of your adventures

PJ :D

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Ooh, do you have to conclude this thread, Ed? :(

I've really anjoyed reading of your adventures. They're very informative, funny (sometimes sad) and well-written. I'm sure we've each gleaned something from your writings.

Besides, isn't every day an adventure for you Ed? :rolleyes:

In any case, you can be sure that your new thread, if that's what you choose to do, will have many followers.

Thanks for taking the time to reach out to others. :)

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I too will be said for this thread to end. I can't tell you how much I enjoy reading about your adventures. You always inspire me to do better and I think I come away a little wiser. I hope you feel compelled to come back to it now and then. In the meantime, I look forward to reading "On the Road Again".

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OK..........OK..............OK............

Besides, isn't every day an adventure for you Ed?

So I had a weak moment........shall we continue??????????

::: Busted in the Bush :::

As I had indicated previously, there had been a big wind storm in our cottage area resulting in many downed trees. My area has miles and lies of trails to ride ATV or snowmobile. As such all trails had trees fall throughout them. Clean up has been slow. Some of my neighbors had gone through a couple of the trails clearing the troubled areas.

In order to do my part, knowing that I am totally useless with the main work…………I decide to go and clean up some of the debris and bring some of the wood back to the house to use for firewood.

So I hook up my wee trailer to the ATV, load my chain saw, gas and oil, and head off legless into the bush. I drive a long time along a trail without coming across a suitable tree. Debris from removed trees is chucked to the side.

Now in order to pick up wood, usually one needs a “permit” from the forestry. However times are different now ‘cause of the storm………I do not know the rules………..I am anxious and nervous.

So here I am in the bush……….alone………no one around………….I decide “frig it I’ll work on this pile of wood I see ahead”.

So I dismount the ATV, use the saw, chuck the wood towards the trailer, all is going well when……………….along comes a big black truck along the trail………..and stops!! (shades of the movie “Deliverance”).

Buddy in the truck looks down from above at the little man sitting on the other side of the trailer………”Picking up a little firewood, Buddy?”………..”well I just started here and I don’t know the rules” says the imp.

“Where are you from, pal?” the wee man is asked. “Well, from over Woodridge way” I say.

“What is your name anyway?” he asks. I tell him “ED” There is some tension in the air.

“Say aren’t you the bloke who lost his legs a couple of years ago?” I answer “yep” (is it not apparent Pal that what you are looking at has no friggin’ legs?)

“See you get around OK!!! Well, “my name’s Norm and I tried to buy your lot a while ago.”

Man was I relieved…………and here I was worrying about another headline in the paper:

“Legless Forest Imp Busted for Wood Theft”.

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