Jump to content
Heather Mills - Amputee Forum
eddie103

The Adventures of ED

Recommended Posts

::: Oh Willlllllmaaaaaaaa! :::

I have had clear sockets, pure black ones, a set of red (looked like I belonged to some hockey team) and dark carbon black.

I am due for a new set so I GIVE my prot guy permission to choose my socket colour / design. I trust him and he is excited as nobody has ever allowed this so far. We talk about decals, designs, naked ladies etc . I am pleased with the potentials. I am the first to allow him control………………mistake!!!

Meanwhile, I am on a trip elsewhere and find some material for “consideration”. It is kind of black blotchy on a lite blue background so it “may” go with the leg. I am not in love with it but it is cheap and is “considerable” so I leave it at the prot guy’s place.

Now my C leg units are “blue” and I have the knee pad that is “blue”.

Time passes……….and passes. Finally, I get a call that my sockets are ready…….I go in………..Larry says he is not happy with the look………I wait…………….he brings them out………

I am speechless…………….once upon a time I was a professional photographer………..colours and complimentary colours were my mainstay.

Soooooooooo here I am looking at my blue (cold color) C leg units attached to spotted (warm color) leopard skin sockets!!!

They are butt ugly!!!……….I look like Wilma Frickin’ Flintstone in them or some old “cougar” at the cowboy bar……..we laugh. Larry says that he wanted to use the other stuff he had selected but someone didn’t like it.

Sooooooooooo he chickened out and used this stuff rather than “his” choice.

He owes me another set which will be a suction socket design rather than pin lock……….

These will be basic black……….cause once you’ve had black, you always go back.

ED

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

You're missing your life's calling Ed..............you should be a writer. I am not one to easily hand out compliments nor am I the first one to laugh at a comidian's performance. Some might think I'm hard to please. Myself...I just think that when you get a laugh or compliment from me, it's genuinely heartfelt. That having been said...your colorful ways of telling a story always make me smile. Today...I actually chuckled,....... Wilma!

All I can say is....make sure you bring a laptop on the road with you. :D

Linda

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
::: Busted in the Bush :::

I thought from this title that you were going to tell us more about the farty (and presumably incontinent) old women on your cruise :lol: :lol: :lol:

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
::: Busted in the Bush :::

I thought from this title that you were going to tell us more about the farty (and presumably incontinent) old women on your cruise :lol: :lol: :lol:

:lol: :lol: at Muz!!!

Ed, I have to agree with Linda here. I love reading of your experiences. You have a very distinctive style of writing, which is very humorous, but also takes the reader along on your travels with you. I very much enjoy reading them. :D

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Soooooooooo here I am looking at my blue (cold color) C leg units attached to spotted (warm color) leopard skin sockets!!!

They are butt ugly!!!……….I look like Wilma Frickin’ Flintstone in them or some old “cougar” at the cowboy bar……..we laugh. Larry says that he wanted to use the other stuff he had selected but someone didn’t like it.

Hi Ed, got any pics????? :D :lol:

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Ah Ed, too funny. And after that post, you just have to post pics. You owe it to all the avid fans of your adventures!

Do I hear a 'yes' from the book club???

This is one of the best sections of the forum. Absolutely, and without question.

Ally <---fan

:D

PS - I was offered a material for lamination and it was black and white leopard spots. I would have BEEN Wilma.... :lol:

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

::: Malled to Death :::

This isn’t really and “adventure” per sec, but it is a true story…………….

Without realizing what was said, when I heard “get your legs on we’re going……….SHOPPING!!”………..so I did.

Usually when I go to the mall, it is in chair, by myself and I whip around scaring the bejesus out of all the old folks. This time was to be different…………in legs I am the same as they are…….slow………….awkward………at times really stupid.

So, I drop off the wife at one door. “I’ll meet you in the food court by the Chapter’s store” and head off to park in my favaourite spot (as far away from Walmart as possible.

Getting into the first set of doors is no issue. I refuse to use the “handicapped” buttons. Without leg power there is some difficulty opening the door (especially when some then helps you by opening it BUT you are hanging onto it!). I do quite well. I’m using one cane (I now insist on this) and I wander around the aisles…….head up……….shoulders back………….feet together….feels pretty good.

I get out into the main stream of the mall……….see my wife…..go to meet her in the store………meet up. The clerk asks “can I help you sir?”………”no thanks pal, I ‘m just resting on your counter”. I leave and head for the coffee shops. She’ll find me later.

So I challenge myself…….let’s go the distance without stopping………all the way to the food court……….oh hell now I got to pee………may as well hit the john.

I wobble in there for the first time in legs……….fact is, I’m a bit excited about peeing up out in public. So I get to the urinal…….put the cane aside and find out that I have to lean on the handle with my forehead while I do my business…….oh well, such is my life. I leave and head for the Timmies (coffee place to all you Aussies) and sit down. I am now really tired and after a while I start to feel quite sleepy.

Kick my ass to keep awake and get up ‘cause the wife is now near. We meet up again and of course………….now she wants to go to Walmart and away we go.

Now I swear, every old, crippled, ignorant, blind, confused, yelling kid, etc in this city is in Walmart at this time. I’m getting bumped. I’m getting jostled. I’m being raced to the next clerk. I’m in the fight of my life!!! I put on my ugly face as a deterent ‘cause if they knew the truth about me……..the others would have been like a pack of wolves on a defenseless deer!

It works. I survive. I am very, very tired.

That aside I am now ready for the Xmas season………so bring it on!!!

ED

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

:D :D :D Your stories are priceless, Ed! :D :D :D

Half way through reading your posting, I thought 'I know exactly how he feels, but if he felt like that then, he's going to have a BIG SHOCK at Christmas!':rolleyes:

...At the time of writing this, it's only 96 days till Christmas - I'd use the days wisely Ed, & train well...for the dreaded Christmas Shop :D

Good luck, Ed!

Lizzie

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Ed, I was really enjoying this right up to the point where you mentioned the C word and then Lizzie rubs it in more by reminding me just how close it is. That's it I'm going to batten down the hatches and do as much shopping as I can online and if I can't get it online then I'll just have to send Melissa (my wife) out for it. After all, there's got to be some perks in getting married ....... isn't there?? :rolleyes:

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Great accomplishment with the shopping in your legs Ed!! :D

I knew, when I managed a whole day's shopping on London's Oxford Street in MY legs, that I was OK. ;) :rolleyes:

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

EDDDDDDDDDDDDD!!!!!!!!!!!!! Well done! I don't think anyone other than 'us' know the full reality of such an achievement.

Way to go Ed. Really!

:)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

To Muz:

After all, there's got to be some perks in getting married ....... isn't there??

...................not if your present this year since getting married ..............is not up to expectations!!!

Live long and prosper.................or................just live through it!!

ED

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

:::Kick Ass!!:::

The one thing that I have come to learn is that, at times, I need my ass kicked. I have a tendency to "self plateau".

Today, I believe I am doing very well for a person built like I am.

I use one cane only every where and walk around with nothing for short distances (as long as conditions are right). I can stand unsupported, carry small things and even use the dam vacuum cleaner!! Everyboby says that they are amazed at what I do...............however...................

We (my wife and myself) (the wife more than I) have decided that it is time.........once again..........to kick one's ass!!!

I need to do more in my legs (wee or regular) and way less on my ass.

Sooooooooooo to start this new stage off, we have an agreement....................get out of bed and put the legs on.................do all with the legs on.........even if it is "more difficult" / not so comfy / not so whatever.

I travel out to the country in full legs on Sunday. It is a beautiful fall day...........the sun is shining.........little wind.............fresh air................the ATVs need their oil changed...................

Now, let me tell you, chainging the oil on two ATvs, in legs, for the first time................is an adventure.

I spend several trips back and forth from the garage to the ATV shed bringing what I need to do the job..............now I'm ready...........

I place everything in a semi circle around the area I am working in. I get down on the ground..............careful in letting the knees unlock so that it is not hard on the units when they hit the ground. Swing / rotate / roll over on my back.............wiggle with dead legs under the machine.....undo the plug...........S..T!..........I need the drip pan............swing / rotate / roll the other way so I can reach it..................rotate / roll back and wiggle with dead legs again.

Oil's flying everywhere until I get the pan in to the right place. Swing / Rotate / roll back.............over to the stomach, arms out.....................get on my knees and dead-knee wobble over to the engine to remove the filter.............takes a lot to "stand on your knees" while wacking the filter.................put in new filter, replace the oil plug after dropping / rotating and rolling again..........get back on the knees again..........put in the oil...........clean up and "get up" vertical again.

Christ this is hard.........but it is almost fun.

Put the machine back in the shed.........................

Get out the other one and do it all over again!!!!

I'm finished. I'm pleased. I did this myself ........in legs...........no help..................with God's grace....................I'm starting to feel like a man again!!!

ED

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Christ this is hard.........but it is almost fun.

Put the machine back in the shed.........................

Get out the other one and do it all over again!!!!

Don't think I've ever heard it described that way before. :blink: Yet to learn you have more than one! Damn Ed, YOU ARE THE MAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Love the stories :D :D :D :D

Linda

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Hehe Good stuff Ed. Just be careful with those expensive legs. They don't sound as if they're built to take the punishment that you give them. It seems as if the manufacturers only build them to allow you to walk on dry flat surfaces and not actually want to work in them (God forbid you want to get back to some semblance of "normality").

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Well done Ed!

You ARE the man!

Hoo hoo hoo hoo!!

:D

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

To Muz:

Just be careful with those expensive legs. They don't sound as if they're built to take the punishment that you give them.

I would be doing this stuff in my wee legs IF I had to!!!...........and they are nothing but a socket, a pylon and a foot.

ED

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Just be careful with those expensive legs. They don't sound as if they're built to take the punishment that you give them.

I never think about the legs (prostheses) when I'm doing activities I really shouldn't be trying. I just get on with it and worry later...about what story I'm going to fabricate to tell my prosthetist why my legs in such a state. :)

I think the last time it happened, I tried walking across a peat bog (didn't realise it at the time) & suddenly found that I was shrinking...I looked down & my feet were sinking into the bog. I was almost up to my knees in peat bog before I managed scramble out. Then, I found it almost impossible to walk, as the sponge in my legs had absorbed the water! Once I was back in the car, I started to worry about how to explain why my legs had watermarks! :D

Lizzie

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Lizzie, that's got to be a first....an amputee wading through a bog!

Priceless!

:D

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
I never think about the legs (prostheses) when I'm doing activities I really shouldn't be trying. I just get on with it and worry later...about what story I'm going to fabricate to tell my prosthetist why my legs in such a state. 

All well and good if you can bludge another pair from your health service but not so good if you have to argue your case to a cold blooded insurance assessor :)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
All well and good if you can bludge another pair from your health service but not so good if you have to argue your case to a cold blooded insurance assessor

I know, I know, I should have been more responsible! I was worried about how to explain how my legs had become submerged as, although they're free, the NHS does have the right to take your leg(s) away from you, if you've mistreated them. :(

I've always thought that you shouldn't let your legs (any pair) hold you back from what you want to do. So, in true 'me style', I went for a walk on the moors with my daughter and we (or rather I) discovered the bog. I was sooo anxious at the time, that all I could do was giggle, which didn't help at all, as I just kept sinking in further! :o :rolleyes:

It took ages to dry the legs out too...but we did it & in the morning I was a lot lighter. :)

Lizzie

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
I've always thought that you shouldn't let your legs (any pair) hold you back from what you want to do

I agree with that. The legs should be made robust enough to take the same abuse that real legs get after all what's the point of having the best knee in the world if you can't actually make full use of it.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
I wondered why John kept sending back funny smelling feet

Ok Marcus....getting back at me for that carrot reference aren't you? ;)

Linda

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now

×