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New Devotee Site

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Well, I guess I really didn't realize there were people like those devs stalking amps like that. Isn't anything sacred any more? Thanks to everyone for their posting, you all really open my eyes!

Patti

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but. . .I don't see how their lurking for amputees on the internet is any different than stalking women who are trying to come to terms with a radical mastectomy.  Its just wrong. . .

As I said in an earlier post .. there are some very strange people out there :rolleyes:

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You know, I'm 69 and have been around the world a couple of times, but to paraphrase an old saying, "I've been to the county fair, a barn raising, and a hog calling, but I ain't never seen anything like this."

I'm not naive, but I like to take people at face value - until they prove me wrong. Like one of our people said earlier - "I don't like being lied to".

A funny story here. When I first lost my leg, my wife and I did a lot of travelling. I usually wore shorts, because it was easier to take my leg off while I was driving, if it bothered me. (I used my left then to drive.) Any way, we would be walking along and I always noticed peoples eyes drop down to my leg, ever so slightly and quickly, but I noticed. I told my wife that all these years of noticing women in tight sweaters or short skirts that , "You gal's knew when we did that". She laughed and said , "of course - it's okay to glance, just don't stare."

I guess, that is where I am with this. I understand a glance - just don't stare.

I don't wear shorts much anymore, because I don't want to be the subject of the attention. I'm not embarrased, just the opposite - but I'm just an old conservative Rebpublican.

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:rolleyes:

Hi

I only found this site after I was an Amputee.I got my husband to look for an amputee site because at the time I could not operate a computer he found this one and a few other's but when I finally got on line I like this site better than all the other's.What I am trying to say is I wouldn't be going on a amputee site if I were not an amputee so why do these people get so fascinated by amputee's I know I would rather have my leg back and it was no fun losing it.Some of the stories I am reading are making me feel sick.This is a very good site and I hope it stays that way.And I agree with Muz after reading some of the post's you do get to sort the genuine from the false one's.I was always told if you are going to tell a story that's not true make certain you have a good memory because the truth will come back to haunt you.

Pat.

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Hi All:

Yep there's wackos out there and there seems to be the odd one here at times.

I would vote for the moderating team to do what they need to do to keep this forum a some what "clean site".

This is the main reason I reside solely here. As Alley stated there are lots of other places for wackos.

ED

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For anyone who is interested - this thread (and probably every thread in the forum) is winding it's way through some devotee sites.

I think it's fair to warn the amputees here who prefer to retain their privacy, or who post personal experiences and pictures that they would rather keep within the amputee community.

It was suggested by an admirer that we make the forum members only - not open to public viewing. This might not be a bad idea - or at least move some of the topics to members only posting and viewing. I know it's not much consolation, but at least then dev's will know that we would LIKE to maintain some privacy here.

I belong to a women's only amputee group.

Does that mean we hate all men?

NO - just that we like our own little space.

If this forum was to limit or ban devotee activity, does that mean we hate all dev's?

NO - just that we like our own little space.

Reading the responses from the devs in the other group really upset me. There are so many other groups (I HAVE ONE MYSELF!) that cater for devotees and amputees. Why why why isn't that where people go to reach out to/meet/watch/research like-minded individuals? Am I the only one that sees the sense in that??

If and when amputees are ready to explore the dev world, they will go out into cyber space and find out for themselves what's going on. It's not everyone's cup of tea. That's ok too.

If anyone wants info about admirers or devotees, PM me. I will be happy to oblige.

And for the devs reading this post - if you don't want to post a response here, feel free to post in my yahoo AMPDEVSA group, or send me a private mail. If I feel it's appropriate though, I will add it onto this thread.

Ally <---pissed off today

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Ally, you know I still have mixed feelings about devs. I've seen the negative response to devs here. And sometimes I still believe all the bashing. But when I joined this group I saw nothing that said devs not welcome. Does that mean a dev who is also a caretaker is not welcome? The type of membership listed includes family member/ friend of amputee. Doesn't that include devs? It might not stop some people but if that is the policy post it in the home page. And make it members only.

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hi DF - I am going to copy the response to you that I posted on the other group. I'm too tired to retype or rethink it at the moment.

* message reply *

No, you aren't expected to 'out' any devs that you know are

there. There is no hard and fast rule about having amputees

only posting there, but you can tell by the general mood of the

posters, and by the content of all of the topics, that it is

not a dev-friendly environment. It is a hot-house for amputees.

And that is OK. Not every amputee place has to be open to

devotees. Nothing wrong with that.

You and I have spoken before about amputees (especially new

amps) and the privacy that is their RIGHT. You're lucky that

you don't demand that. I, on the other hand, like the fact

that there could be a 'space' for me where I choose who to

interact with. Amputee support forums give me that. When I

want to talk with devs, I know where to go. When I want to

share private and personal things with people ON MY LEVEL,

I (theoretically) should have somewhere to go as well.

A similar pattern that I have noticed that runs through

a lot of devotees is the utter lack of respect for amputees.

As most of you know, I am a dev-friendly amp, but THAT

burns my arse, because then we start moving away from the

consential behaviour that puts adult relationships in the

acceptable basket.

Ally

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Apologies - I should have said this earlier - this is my opinion only. It is possible that the moderators and the other members of this group have entirely different thoughts on this issue.

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:rolleyes:

Who would want to know about Amputee's? Apart from those that are Amputee's those that live with us and those that help us also people working with us and for us. my family are interested in my way of life but wouldn't go on to a site asking personal question's as some people do.I dont think this site is a closed shop to none Amputee's but I wouldn't be on here if I were not an Amputee.So why be fascinated by someone different to you when that person would rather have all there limb's than be in the position they are.Fascination can be dangerus some time's.As Ally would say this is my personal opinion.

Pat.

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I just received a PM from someone who wants to know what a dev is. I think that a lot of us are sitting with half-baked ideas of what 'they' are.

I am sure that there are a lot of members who haven't heard the full story, or who are battling to gain some perspective, or who just don't know where to pigeon hole this whole dev thing.

Here is a link to an article written by one of my FAVOURITE amputee writers. Please read it if you are curious, or if you simply want to read something well written, and WORTH READING. If nothing, you will walk away with a smile on your face, and the ability to look at things from different angle.

Kimberley Barreda - Active Living article

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Websters Universal College Dictionary, 1997

DEVOTEE: a person who is greatly devoted to something; follower, enthusiast, or fan.

DEVIANT: adj. 1. deviating or departing from the norm; characterized by deviation. --n 2. a person or thing that deviates or departs markedly from the accepted norm.

I looked this up only because I had heard dev used both ways. Reading this, it would seem to be a stretch to put both in the same category.

This would seem to lesson the "stigma" of being a devotee, but I still prefer my conversations on this forum to be for the edification of my peers, (read: fellow amputees and their family's and loved ones).

However I don't see how that is any more possible than eliminating gawkers and "fans" from the public on the street.

My only suggestion, is to recognize that there may be devotees on this site, but not to encourage them. This is a free world (well, some of it anyway), and they have just as much right to be here as we do. I don't see any, "Private, Amputees only" sign anywhere.

I do get rather "testy" sometimes however when I know of one breaking into my peer conversations. (It's one of my "other" faults that I am trying to work on.)

I just make sure not to give out any more information than I am willing to share with -"everybody". Private, personal conversations and information are for the PM

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Thanks for the link, Ally. I had already read the article and found it to be well written and balanced.

The main problem I have with the devotee issue in this thread, is with people taking information from forums such as these and using it for their own gratification. If as Kimberley Barreda says, that devotees are on the whole caring,

What we have to do is stop being over-sensitive and realize that people are just people… some are caring, and some are idiots. It’s like food. Some is good, some, well, not so good. As adults, it’s our choice whether or not we partake.

then why do they take information from amputee forums? From the very people they are supposed to care about? Or should we be calling these 'forum invaders' fetishists instead of devotees?

The other concern I have is similar to JohnnyV's concerns way back in July 2004, in that this forum is open to anyone who can use a computer, which includes the young as well as the old. I would hate to think that a youngster who has recently had an amputation, visits this forum, posts something and then has their business passed from one devotee/fetishist to another. Some people (not necessarily the young members) that use this forum are vulnerable and they should be shown understanding and the respect that everyone deserves.

The problem isn't going to go away, so perhaps we should all do as Jim suggests and take care of our private and personal information?

Lizzie

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Personally I think devs should be banned from here & this site made into a members only area- As Ally said there are plenty of dev sites around where they can share their strories, stolen pictures & fantasies. They only reason they come here is to gain intelligence, stories and whatever else they can.

Still it's good to know some here are monitoring what they are up to, and how this site is being used in their comunity. Watching us watching them......

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You could make this a members only forum but what credentials would you have to supply to prove your eligibilty? Any sicko can assume someone elses identity quite easily.

The problem is these days is that any fringe group can gain public acceptance of their weird behaviour in our caring sharing politically correct world. This is then used as a springboard for them to demand the full rights that are accorded to the rest of society. Time to draw a line people.

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it's easy - to do this, some sites I belong to require some traceable information sent to mods like a proper domain e-mail address (ie not yahoo etc) a verifyable landline number etc. Sure it will not put off the dedicated dev but it may make them think twice about having their 'interests' possibly shared with family/work colleagues etc.

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:roll eyes:

If I had to give proof that I Was an Amputee to join this site I would willingly give it as long as it was not put on public display and the information was held by the site I have nothing to hide.That way all information could be checked by the site.If found false then no membership.

Pat.

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OK, I know I am opening myself up for a lot of heat here, but it is a question worth asking:

I am not an amputee. I have never claimed to be one, nor have I ever asked personal details. I have never fantasized about being one, and, quite honestly, the thought is pretty scary. Which is why I posted the first time. (Hence this awful screen name.)

I stumbled onto the forum right after I had been diagnosed with diabetes and saw the "jolt them into reality" movie, which mentions amputation a lot. When I was a child, my aunt lost her left leg BK because of diabetes. This was in the "bad old days" when there was no rehab, and her prosthesis (which was the top of the line at the time) looked like a telephone pole. I remember her struggle and pain, so the old fear came back when I received my diagnosis. Times are different, and much of my fear has been put into perspective. Some of that perspective came from members of this forum.

When I first posted, I received good advice, and the typical warm forum reception. I have stayed involved with the forum because of the very good people here. I post when there is something to add on the human side. Nothing more and nothing less.

I do not hang out on forums or in chat rooms. I do not look online for my new best friends in the world. I do not have to be here to find companionship or a reason for being. I frequent this site because there are some wonderful people here.

The question is, "If you are not an amp, why are you here?" For my own part I have no ulterior motive. Can I add anything to the discussion? On many levels, no, I can't, and do not pretend that I can. On some levels, perhaps I can, though.

If the forum were limited to amputees only, or their immediate circle, I would respect that and not intrude. But I can also say that I would miss reading your posts, and wonder how you are doing.

No, I am not "gawking." Nor am I condescending or pitying. I get great hope to face my own challenges from the people here who have faced theirs. That is the common human link of which I speak. My membership reason is "personal empowerment" or some such wording.

All that being said, then, am I also lumped in with the devs? I know internet info gets passed from one place to the other freely. In fact, I sent a PM to someone who had posted a phone number asking, "Are you sure you want to do this. There are some pretty creepy people out there?" That is the "human thing" again.

We are not in the world to see through each other. We are here to see each other through.

Happy New Year,

maryl

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Hi All

Being a new amp I am just learning about devs and all the fun that comes with them. :( Here's my opinion on this matter for whatever it may be worth.

I have no problem with this site becoming a members only site that needs some kind of "proof" to join.

However:

What if one of the non-amps happens to be someone that has a splendid idea for a liner that would prove much better fitting and less irritating to say someone like me that is having such a hard time with their liner? What if a non-amp comes up with a better socket? Ankle? Foot? How many physical therapists, nurses, prosthetists would no longer be able to join in our threads?

I know I am not comfortable with the idea that someone may be taking what I have written here on this forum and sharing my heartbreak over losing my horse with all of their sordid friends. However, I am not sure how exclusive we should be. I certainly do not want someone viewing photos posted or stories told as some kind of sick foreplay, and if we need to become members only so be it, I just feel caution and investigation should be employed as we search for a better way to communicate with the friends that have been made here.

Is there a better way? I know I don't have the answer to that, I don't know that much about the internet and it's fascinating world. I would just like to have my privacy respected as I share my thoughts and stories with all of you.

As I said, my opinion may not be worth much but there you have it.

Happy New Year!

Diane

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I stumbled onto the forum right after I had been diagnosed with diabetes and saw the "jolt them into reality" movie, which mentions amputation a lot.  When I was a child, my aunt lost her left leg BK because of diabetes.  This was in the "bad old days" when there was no rehab, and her prosthesis (which was the top of the line at the time) looked like a telephone pole.  I remember her struggle and pain, so the old fear came back when I received my diagnosis.  Times are different, and much of my fear has been put into perspective.  Some of that perspective came from members of this forum.

Happy New Year,

maryl

Personally, I find this paragraph a perfectly good reason for wanting as much information as one could get. I would think that she came to the right place - amputee or not.

I think that this post gives much to think about.

With that said however, in a perfect world, every "non amp" here would be like Maryl. Unfortunately, like the people populated world, here in cyberspace is not a "perfect world".

I read here once where someone said that in time, the ones trying to get away with something will eventually trip themselves up. The true people with good intentions and purposes like this lady have nothing to apologize for as far as I am concerned.

As for Diane's opinion not being worth much - my opinion, is that all opinions on this forum are definitely worth a lot. They are one of the foundations of why we come here. I listen to all of them - whether I agree at the moment or not. At the very least they offer food for thought.

And a very Happy New Year to you too - and to everyone else.

.

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You could easily make this forum members only, but would that stop Devs getting in? I doubt it and anyone who thinks there are not some here now are fooling themselves. As far as I'm concerned the dev's should easily be able to see that they are NOT welcome on this forum and as long as they keep their heads out of our business here and stay quiet and not bother anyone then why worry about them?

As has been shown there are other avenues for these folk to satisfy their curiosity or whatever they are chasing, but I'll not be there for them to bother. I'll be right here with my Fellow Amps and hopefully the people who matter to them in life, enjoying life in all its fullness, wether we talk about legs, arms, funny stories or post cool pics for our OWN enjoyment.

Regarding non amps who share our lives on this forum I am more than happy for them all to be here. Who could, for instance, deny our wonderful friends who are inspired by us and in turn inspire us with their wisdom and humour.

We are an open forum and open to the whole world and that's how it should be cos we are a part of the world. But if anyone is here for their own self gratification then understand this.

We are here for each other as much as we are here for ourselves.

And THAT'S what makes us different.

Cat

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Good topic. I think our best defense are discussions such as these. I'm not totally for opting for members only, Mary's case as an example. This may sound Polly Anna, but we need to concentrate on the good stuff that happens in this forum. And there definitely is a lot of that. Let's try to disregard the rest, do our best to rid ourselves of it, and keep doing what we do. By giving so much time and attention on a continual basis I feel will just give these people what they are seeking. It's like living in a small town and there are always people who will spread rotten stories about a person, it is inevitable. But I've always held to the idea that those people are not close to me and do not really matter. I don't give a S..T what they think so I refuse to get upset by their rumors. The people that I care about won't believe the stories and more than likely if they run into the rumor monger they will proceed to give them a piece of their mind.

Just my opinion and thanks for all the great information that has been shared.

Carol

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I am not in favour of this forum becoming a members only exclusive club. One of the reasons I started using this forum was the amount of information that I found on it. I had never used a chat room or forum up to that point, believing they were frequented by people who were up their own arses with petty etiquete rules. I haven't found that on this site and so decided to join so that I could post questions and share my own experiences.

You'll always get weirdos lurking on any site whether it's a public or private site, but on here at least I think they're heavily outnumbered and easily ignored. The only time it's worth taking any notice of them is if they try to make personal contact. Then the Admin team can become involved and take any action they think necessary.

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You'll always get weirdos lurking on any site whether it's a public or private site, but on here at least I think they're heavily outnumbered and easily ignored. The only time it's worth taking any notice of them is if they try to make personal contact. Then the Admin team can become involved and take any action they think necessary.

Short and to the point. Very well said.

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