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Heather Mills - Amputee Forum
Sanicki

Amputee jokes....not intended to offend

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:P :P :P :P :lol: :lol:

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I saw this one on another forum, but it simply must be shared!

An able-bodied seaman meets a pirate in a bar, and they take turns recounting their adventures at sea. Noting the pirate`s peg-leg, hook, and eye patch the seaman asks, "So, how did you end up with the peg-leg?"

The pirate replies, "Arrrr, well, we was caught in a monster storm off the cape, and a giant wave swept me overboard. Just as they were pullin` me out a school of sharks appeared and one of `em bit me leg off."

"Blimey!" said the seaman. "What about the hook?"

"Arrrrr," mused the pirate, "we was boardin` a trader ship, pistols a-blazin`and swords a-swingin` this way and that. In all the fracas, me hand got chopped off."

"Zounds!", remarked the seaman. "And how came ye by the eye patch?"

The pirate looked sheepish; "A seagull droppin` fell into me eye," he said.

"You lost your eye to a seagull dropping?" the sailor asked incredulously.

"Arrrr, well..." said the pirate, "...T'was me first day with the hook..."

Roz :)

Pretty good Roz!!! :lol: :D :P

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Sight gags, only.

Except for the last one :lol:

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:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

froglegs.jpg

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Sparky, that is one of my favorites.

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:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

froglegs.jpg

Sparky,

That is the best. I may never eat frog legs again!

JudyH

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A man with no arms walked up to a bar and asked for a beer.

The bartender shoved the foaming glass in front of him.

"Look," said the customer, "I have no arms - would you please hold the glass up to my mouth?"

"Sure," said the bartender, and he did.

"Now," said the customer, "I wonder if you'd be so kind as to get my handkerchief out of my pocket and wipe the foam off my mouth."

"Certainly." And it was done.

"If," said the armless man, "you'd reach in my right hand pants pocket, you'll find the money for the beer."

The bartender got it.

"You've been very kind," said the customer. "Just one thing more. Where is the men's room?"

"Out the door," said the bartender, "turn left, walk two blocks, and there's one in a filling station on the corner."

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A man with no arms walked up to a bar and asked for a beer.

The bartender shoved the foaming glass in front of him.

"Look," said the customer, "I have no arms - would you please hold the glass up to my mouth?"

"Sure," said the bartender, and he did.

"Now," said the customer, "I wonder if you'd be so kind as to get my handkerchief out of my pocket and wipe the foam off my mouth."

"Certainly." And it was done.

"If," said the armless man, "you'd reach in my right hand pants pocket, you'll find the money for the beer."

The bartender got it.

"You've been very kind," said the customer. "Just one thing more. Where is the men's room?"

"Out the door," said the bartender, "turn left, walk two blocks, and there's one in a filling station on the corner."

I'd call that one SMART bartender :blink::ph34r::rolleyes:

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a man has a bad accident and when he wakes up, a doctor leans in and says

' I have good news and bad news'

'What's the bad news' asks the guy

'We had to amputate both your legs' says the doctor

'what's the good news then?' says the guy

' the man in the next bed wants to buy your slippers'

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a man working in a timber yard accidentally shears off his fingers. He runs to the emergency ward and the doctor says 'give me the fingers and i'll see what i can do'.

the man replies ' i haven't got the fingers'

the doctor says' what do you mean, you haven't got the fingers? we could have done micro sugery and sewn them back on! why on earth didn't you bring the fingers??'

:rolleyes:

the man replies ' I couldn't pick them up'

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Bear, I must admit that I'm perplexed... your first "joke" post was funny, and I got a good chuckle from it, but there are some parts of "Boogie Woogie Amputee" that disturb me quite a bit. (I half-wonder if the verse Dave mentions shouldn't be moved to the "devotee" thread and opened up for discussion, but I don't think we need any more arguments at the moment.)

Can we PM about this...??

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Guest bearlover

If you don't understand what Not intended to offend means then why explain? Some of us are not senstive..You can take the words as you want..depends on what kind of mind you have. I will no long post on thid thread. :)

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Peg Leg Sue sounds like a dev thing to me....

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Okay... "executive decision" here...

Bear, I've taken down the questionable post. I know we don't agree on this one, and I hope we can agree on other things in the future.

Dave, I've also taken down your quote of the questionable post.

Marcia, you were not alone in that assessment.

Now let's all get back to supporting one another.....! ;)

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:) Hi, Marilyn~~~~ have a good day

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