Cat 2 Report post Posted December 17, 2006 :P :P :P :P :lol: :lol: Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
SusanI 0 Report post Posted December 17, 2006 I saw this one on another forum, but it simply must be shared!An able-bodied seaman meets a pirate in a bar, and they take turns recounting their adventures at sea. Noting the pirate`s peg-leg, hook, and eye patch the seaman asks, "So, how did you end up with the peg-leg?" The pirate replies, "Arrrr, well, we was caught in a monster storm off the cape, and a giant wave swept me overboard. Just as they were pullin` me out a school of sharks appeared and one of `em bit me leg off." "Blimey!" said the seaman. "What about the hook?" "Arrrrr," mused the pirate, "we was boardin` a trader ship, pistols a-blazin`and swords a-swingin` this way and that. In all the fracas, me hand got chopped off." "Zounds!", remarked the seaman. "And how came ye by the eye patch?" The pirate looked sheepish; "A seagull droppin` fell into me eye," he said. "You lost your eye to a seagull dropping?" the sailor asked incredulously. "Arrrr, well..." said the pirate, "...T'was me first day with the hook..." Roz :) Pretty good Roz!!! :lol: :D :P Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Gil Davis 0 Report post Posted January 22, 2007 Sight gags, only. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Cat 2 Report post Posted January 22, 2007 Sight gags, only. Except for the last one :lol: Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Sparky 3 Report post Posted January 22, 2007 :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
mmarie 13 Report post Posted January 23, 2007 Sparky, that is one of my favorites. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
JudyH 0 Report post Posted January 26, 2007 :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: Sparky, That is the best. I may never eat frog legs again! JudyH Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Cat 2 Report post Posted January 27, 2007 A man with no arms walked up to a bar and asked for a beer. The bartender shoved the foaming glass in front of him. "Look," said the customer, "I have no arms - would you please hold the glass up to my mouth?" "Sure," said the bartender, and he did. "Now," said the customer, "I wonder if you'd be so kind as to get my handkerchief out of my pocket and wipe the foam off my mouth." "Certainly." And it was done. "If," said the armless man, "you'd reach in my right hand pants pocket, you'll find the money for the beer." The bartender got it. "You've been very kind," said the customer. "Just one thing more. Where is the men's room?" "Out the door," said the bartender, "turn left, walk two blocks, and there's one in a filling station on the corner." Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
eag 22 Report post Posted January 27, 2007 A man with no arms walked up to a bar and asked for a beer.The bartender shoved the foaming glass in front of him. "Look," said the customer, "I have no arms - would you please hold the glass up to my mouth?" "Sure," said the bartender, and he did. "Now," said the customer, "I wonder if you'd be so kind as to get my handkerchief out of my pocket and wipe the foam off my mouth." "Certainly." And it was done. "If," said the armless man, "you'd reach in my right hand pants pocket, you'll find the money for the beer." The bartender got it. "You've been very kind," said the customer. "Just one thing more. Where is the men's room?" "Out the door," said the bartender, "turn left, walk two blocks, and there's one in a filling station on the corner." I'd call that one SMART bartender Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Hazel 0 Report post Posted January 30, 2007 a man has a bad accident and when he wakes up, a doctor leans in and says ' I have good news and bad news' 'What's the bad news' asks the guy 'We had to amputate both your legs' says the doctor 'what's the good news then?' says the guy ' the man in the next bed wants to buy your slippers' Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Hazel 0 Report post Posted January 30, 2007 a man working in a timber yard accidentally shears off his fingers. He runs to the emergency ward and the doctor says 'give me the fingers and i'll see what i can do'. the man replies ' i haven't got the fingers' the doctor says' what do you mean, you haven't got the fingers? we could have done micro sugery and sewn them back on! why on earth didn't you bring the fingers??' the man replies ' I couldn't pick them up' Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest bearlover Report post Posted October 14, 2007 Amputees like toeat at IHOP :D I'm 25% off :P 3 out of 4 ain't bad :P Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
cherylm 125 Report post Posted October 15, 2007 Bear, I must admit that I'm perplexed... your first "joke" post was funny, and I got a good chuckle from it, but there are some parts of "Boogie Woogie Amputee" that disturb me quite a bit. (I half-wonder if the verse Dave mentions shouldn't be moved to the "devotee" thread and opened up for discussion, but I don't think we need any more arguments at the moment.) Can we PM about this...?? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest bearlover Report post Posted October 15, 2007 If you don't understand what Not intended to offend means then why explain? Some of us are not senstive..You can take the words as you want..depends on what kind of mind you have. I will no long post on thid thread. :) Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
mmarie 13 Report post Posted October 15, 2007 Peg Leg Sue sounds like a dev thing to me.... Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
cherylm 125 Report post Posted October 15, 2007 Okay... "executive decision" here... Bear, I've taken down the questionable post. I know we don't agree on this one, and I hope we can agree on other things in the future. Dave, I've also taken down your quote of the questionable post. Marcia, you were not alone in that assessment. Now let's all get back to supporting one another.....! ;) Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Higgy 37 Report post Posted October 15, 2007 Well said Cheryl..... Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
eag 22 Report post Posted October 15, 2007 :) Hi, Marilyn~~~~ have a good day Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
JohnnyV 14 Report post Posted October 16, 2007 Thanks Cheryl. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites