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Heather Mills - Amputee Forum
Nige'swife.

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Hello All.

Well where do i start ? (The beginning i guess).

Ok im married to a wonderful man with 2 lovely kids. Almost 5 years ago our lives where turned upside down when he went off to work as a builder and had a dreadful accident involving scaffolding collapsing crushing his lower tibia, fibia, ankle joint. Well here we are nearly 5 years later after 10 operations 3 rounds of septicimeia 4 rounds of septis arthritis and to top it off currently M.R.S.A it has now been decided an amputation has to go ahead on 6th of Jan a LBK ,to say we are devestated is an understatement we are currently going through a roller coaster of emotions scared, worried, stressed you get the jist.

The children are 5 and 16 the 16 year old is distraught .The most important person my husband is all over the place and i really don't know how to console him now or afterwards, all my years as a nurse are about to mean nothing emotionally .

We are in England (Warwickshire) there's no support all though he will be attending the west midlands rehab centre after the amp where the facilities and help look excellent in the mean time this is certainely one christmas we will never forget.

Thanks for reading sorry if ive gone on , we look forward to geting to know you a lot more over the forth coming journey.

Regards Lisa.

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Hello Lisa and welcome,

This is such a great site, with so many people that have been through, or are going through, all the many different things associated with being limbless. There will be so much info, support, advice and a few laughs along the way too!

I joined, after losing my right leg, below the knee, just over 2 years ago. At the time I was 34 and a mum of two small boys (aged 6 and 8 then). I too had a total crush injury, after a wall fell on me. In a split second life changed. I had reconstruction surgeries etc., BUT just 6 weeks after the amputation, I was back at work, on my new leg and sort of gritted my teeth and push forward - not really giving myself a chance to think about what had happened! Looking back I think was my coping mechanism, for myself and my children and family also - I just wanted to be 'normal' again. I was lucky and I healed really well physically, after the surgery. I've had a few ups and downs along the way, and it will be hard for your hubby to begin with. I now walk without a limp, and many people don't now I'm an amputee. Prosthetics are so much better these days, and for me, still having the knee helps a great deal! My sons have always been involved with the process, from start to finish, and I think this helps them to cope and understand too. I took them to the limb centre, and they saw the artificial limbs etc., met the team and just sort of accepted that I was still mummy, I just needed the help of crutches or a limb to walk!

I hope that your hubby can read the posts here and see so many of the positive things that can be there after an amputation.

Remember that there are many people here, who can help with advice and support etc., and they know how you all feel, having been through the same things.

Good luck.

Sue, Cardiff, UK

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Hi Lisa and welcome to the group. So sorry to hear of all the hardship you are all facing.

There are some wonderful people here and it's a great place to vent and be accepted. I had my foot off when I was 5 so my kids have grown up with the whole thing and just accept it as normal.

Good luck to you all and I hope we see more of you here.

Cat

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I now walk without a limp, and many people don't now I'm an amputee.

This is so typical. Really. I am an above knee amputee, and have been for over a decade. To this day, if a below knee amputee walks past me - I couldn't tell that they were one legged. They walk so well!!!!

I'm not sure what I can add, because when I was a new amputee, my able bodied friends and family were pretty much helpless in dealing with me. It's such a personal trauma to go through. Having said that - wow, what would I have done if they weren't around, just being there and loving me.

They went through my withdrawel & numbness, my physical pain, my anger, my tears, frustration, tantrums, stubborn pig-headedness, over exaggerated independance...so many emotions that are necessary when you are healing (although I can be a huge brat at the best of times). And I am sure I lashed out at them from time to time.

This forum is going to be such a source of encouragement and strength, for all of you.

I hope that when your hubby is ready, he will pop in and come and meet us. Being in the company of other amputees is something that even therapy can't quite match up to. As a new amputee, you tend to feel very isolated and alone - like you are the only person in the world having to face this hurdle. And no matter how much our family love and care for us, they can't really relate on the same level. Other amputees fill that void and are an invaluable coping mechanism.

We often forget the caregivers. They go through a hellava time during this. You must take extra care of your Self during this time. Come visit often for hugs and comfort.

I know that you are looking up this road and it must look so dark and bleak. I promise that it's not as difficult as your mind is telling you it's going to be. It isn't easy, but it's do-able.

And now I am rattling on.....apologies.

My thoughts are with you and your family over Christmas.

Please come back and talk with us.

Ally

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Welcome Lisa and Nige!! You both are in our prayers. I'm glad you have a place like this to turn to.

WOW Ally!! That is so well written!! I'm moved!!

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Thankyou all for your prompt replies .

My husband is petrified of computers but has sat beside me to read these he's very grateful.

I would love to add ,he and i ,can definately see a much more healthier future and far more mobile than he has been for this past 5 years.

To be honest i think most of my husbands emotions involve anger of all the time and effort invested in to tying to "save" what was and is a totally useless limb and how ill the efforts have made him.

We are getting councilling at the rehab centre for the whole family so far we have had one quick apointment but they are putting into practice a bigger package of help and support after his operation which we will be using.

Thanks again to you all.

Have a wonderful christmas where ever you may be and here's hoping all our future's are healthier, happier and very prosperous.

Lisa xxx

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Hi Lisa and Nige,

I know what you're going through. I lost my left leg BK almost two years ago. I'm 49 now and have no trouble doing anything I want to do. After Nige gets over the initial amputation, he'll be back as good as he was 5 years ago. There will be the sudden bouts of phantom pains, but for the most part life is pretty much normal for me.

It is a real learning process in the beginning, not that the learning ever ceases. He may already have good balance and such since he hurt his leg so many years ago. He already knows how to use crutches and other aides. I had never used a pair of crutches in my life before I hurt my foot. I only use them now when getting in and out of the shower. It would seem to me that he has already been leading the life of an amputee if he hasn't had the use of his foot for 5 years.

My thoughts are with you and your family at this time. I remember it well. Have a Merry Christmas and try not to worry too much about his upcoming surgery. Be supportive, but not a slave to him. If you or he would like, you can send me a private message, I'll try to answer any questions you have.

Neal

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Hi Lisa

Welcome here to this site, I am glad you posted your first message.

I hope you know that everything will turn out all right, you just be there

for him, and let him know you love him. Things are going to be crazy for a while, but think of the outcome, he will be walking, and pain free. Because I can see he might be in pain. But remember we are here to answer any questions you have, and be a support team. Happy Holidays. Please let us know how ya'll are getting along.

I am a RBKA since may 28, 2003. A doc messed my foot up. But I am walking and doing great thing. You keep in there Lisa. Your husband and your family are going to be fine.

Lesley

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Welcome Lisa and Nige

I am a rbk since an accident in August and this site and this group of people have been very helpful and supportive. You have come to a great group.

Ally, that was beautiful. I especially like the part about our caregivers.

Please Lisa, don't forget yourself.

Best Wishes for the Holidays

And best of luck in January.

Diane

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Hi Lisa, I'm an above knee amp which hapened in a matter of days; after an accident. Have never been on the recieving end (as such) and don't know how I would be if I was. I'm certain that the carers (as they are called) have harder time than us. Living with it but not living with it can be just as hard I'm sure.

Welcome aboard, try to have a decent Xmas & take care of you.

Mel.

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Not much I can add that hasn't already been said. Welcome aboard and hope you have as merry a Christmas as circumstances will permit.

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Hi Lisa and Nige,

It's only natural to be feeling what you're feeling in the lead up to Nige's surgery. It's not easy on anyone.

But, please know that that it (life without one leg) will NOT be as bad as you imagine it to be. It's just the fear of the unknown that gets to you. But, pretty soon, nothing will be unknown, and you and Nige will have a lot to look forward to.

When either of you start to feel overwhelmed now until the surgery, just think of the quality of life that Nige has at present. THEN, envision Nige doing everything he used to do -- without being in pain -- as that is the scenario that should take place.

Please ask any questions that come to you. Nothing you can ask has NOT been thought of already.

Welcome to our forum. Hope you enjoy your stay here with us. :)

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I wanted to say something meaningful and profound right here - but it's already been said many times over by the rest of the "gang".

I'm 69 and there is nothing that I can't do today that I couldn't do before. Well, maybe slower, and a little different, but that is mostly my age and circulation.

I danced at my high school 35th reunion all evening, (1989), moved across the country, and bought and remodeled an old farm house, adding a guest house, garage, outbuildings, from the ground up, and doubled the size of the house with custom tiled bathrooms and all. (I was a building contractor when all of this happened in 1988.)

This, all by myself - with the help of my wife as she could, of course.

Now, what was it you were worrying about not being able to do?

And this is just my story. Wait until you've heard all the rest of the people on this forum

Welcome to our group. Stick around. Everybody here is here for everybody.

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Welcome Lisa and Nige. I can't really add anything more meaningful than what everyone else has said. One day you really will see that it's not the end of the world. I had my amputation (rbk) Dec 29, 2003. So I know what it's like to go thru Christmas awaiting what you perceive as doom and gloom. I don't know how we managed that year. But here I am 2 years later and though I wouldn't have chosen this life, believe me, it's not the worst thing that could have happened to me. Every day I see and hear of things far worse.

There is a lot of information available here as well as a lot of humor. This forum has been my therapy and I thank God I found it.

My prayers are with you both. Please let us know how Nige is doing.

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Welcome, Lisa and Nige,

you certainly have come to the right place, nothing I can add that hasn't already been said. Hopefully your minds have been eased a little in order that you can relax and enjoy your christmas together.

Lynne (LAK)

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Wow thanks you are all truely kind ,we are so grateful you are all so inspirational.

Someone asked what did we think Nige couldn't do after the Op well right now he cannot walk so all we can see is a much better life the only down fall is he was a part time fire fighter he had taken a yr out (was working away from home in his regular job) but a few weeks before the accident had applied to go back in 6 days after the accident he had a letter to attend a physical on which if he was succsessful he would have been offered his position back he was a serving fire fighter for 9 years so it looks as though that may never happen.

Looking through all the posts as we have done we spotted someone on here he actually knows Si THE FIREMAN what a small world !!!!

So Nigel intends to contact him A.S.A.P.

We will back with an update after the OP, and we want to wish you all a wonderful christmas .

Yippeeeeeee just 1 more sleep

;) (sorry im so used to saying it to the kids lol).

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Welcome! I wish you well and know that you will find your way through. Lots of good people here, with great advice and knowledge, keep asking questions, it is through knowledge that you will feel stronger.

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Hi Lisa and Nige;

Lisa, thank you for your kind greeting on my introduction page – I wanted to reply, but I thought I should do it here, so Nige can see it too!

Nige – I’m so sorry you’ve had 5 years of such severe difficulties since your accident, but with your amputation, it looks like things are about to improve considerably! As you can tell from so many people on this forum, life after an amputation is not limited by the amputation, but only by one’s own attitude of mind – and this is exactly where I’m at – being inspired by all these amazing people as I plan my own amputation. I’ve struggled on for 26 years with a badly messed-up ankle and foot, and now it’s time to get my life back – I’m SOOOOO looking forward to it! :unsure:

As I’m sure you appreciate, at least in the short-term, some changes are inevitable – but that’s no bad thing. After my accident, my sales career (which I loved) was over, but that didn’t stop me! Since then – being less able than an amputee – I’ve had 3 further different careers, I’ve travelled the world, and I’ve done a degree whilst caring for my father after he had a stroke. He’s no longer with us, but we had a further 14 years of happiness, and he inspired me with how hard he fought to overcome his own difficulties. Now, I’m about to throw myself into a new venture with an old friend – and my amputation will occur just a couple of months into it, but, once again, that won’t stop me! Oh, yes, I still ride a motorcycle, and plan to continue after my amputation! :ph34r:

If there’s one thing I learned after my accident, it’s that I had to become disabled to realise how able I am; this dawned on me while I still couldn’t walk properly, as I was helping to build a recording studio!

I’ve heard it said that God doesn’t give you something you couldn’t handle, so even though the future may not be clear, trust in it, and in yourself, and you’ll look back and be amazed at what you’ve achieved.

Lastly, Nige – don’t be afraid of computers! I used to be, but now I’m an IT consultant, and the thing I find myself saying most of all to computer users is that it’s the computer that makes mistakes, NOT the user! You just have to learn how to deal with a computer’s silly needs, and – like so many things in life – be confident! B)

Please feel free to email me anytime if I can help in any way.

Wishing you all a very Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year.

Love and best wishes :D

Roz.

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Hello Lisa and Nige. I am keeping you in my thoughts and prayers. I hope all goes well with the surgery. Slowly the rest will fall into place. It is definitely a journey, but one that is absolutely amazing.

Take care and keep in touch.

Carol

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Hi Lisa and Nige:

Welcome to our forum family. I'm sorry for my belated welcoming. I'm glad you found us. We have an awesome amount of members with a vast amount of knowledge & experience. I'm sure you can find the answers to many of your questions here. I hope 2006 bless you with plenty of joy, wellness and peace of mind.

Patti

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Hi Lisa and Nige, sorry i am late welcoming you, i have not been around for a while and am just trying to catch up with things.

Nige, i notice the date of the op is todays, i wish you a speedy recovery, keep positive and it wil be.

It is exactly 2yrs today that i had my rbk op, i am doing really well, still have a few "moments" but that is to be expected and are soon got over.

I had been in constant pain before my op, had had 2 previous ops spread over 12 yrs,could only walk a couple of yards, had to keep stopping. Spent the three weeks leading up to the day(including xmas) on morphine, i was like a zombie, had no sleep for the three weeks at all, all because of gangrene. I was in so much pain at the end that it was a relief to get rid, i still feel this way, i just know it was the right option and will never regret it.

Lisa, you will be a very important support for Nige post op, although he might not show it, he will be grateful that you are there,let Nige guide you as far as how much he needs your help and when he needs it. You also need to look after yourself tho,it is only too easy to forget your own needs whilst you are looking after someone elses. With the children, be as open with them as you think they can cope with, kids are very resilient, take a leaf out of their book.

Best wishes for today, let us know how things are going.

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:D Hello Lisa and Nige, hello and welcome!

Sorry I am a little late but my computer is always as slow as a slow poke.

Nige is a lucky man for having a wife who cares and loves him

Better days are coming

Dea

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: Nige is a lucky man for having a wife who cares and loves him

The accurancy of this statement is what makes us wealthy. The rich part is just those minor material things.

Very well spoken. It sounds to me though that you both are very lucky - and wealthy.

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