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Heather Mills - Amputee Forum
lisa

I'm Devastated

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I found out yesterday that the man who I blame for my amputation will not be sacked, as there is insufficient evidence. This has come as a complete shock and I am absolutely devastated. People may think that I'm bitter but that could not be further from the truth. I just wanted justice, as far as I am concerned the accident could have been avoided. As there is no evidence to prove he was to blame he will return to the same job. Both myself and my partner work for the same company and are both off sick. I already felt extremely distressed about returning to the warehouse to see my colleagues, how am I gonna cope when I return to work with him in the same building as me. I feel completely let down and have done nothing but cry since i found out. I feel that if he were genuinely traumatised and sorry for what he has done to me and my family and friends that he would find he couldn't possibly return.

Words truly cannot describe how I am feeling!

Is there anyone out there who can relate to my situation?

Lisa

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I found out yesterday that the man who I blame for my amputation will not be sacked, as there is insufficient evidence. This has come as a complete shock and I am absolutely devastated. People may think that I'm bitter but that could not be further from the truth. I just wanted justice, as far as I am concerned the accident could have been avoided. As there is no evidence to prove he was to blame he will return to the same job. Both myself and my partner work for the same company and are both off sick. I already felt extremely distressed about returning to the warehouse to see my colleagues, how am I gonna cope when I return to work with him in the same building as me. I feel completely let down and have done nothing but cry since i found out. I feel that if he were genuinely traumatised and sorry for what he has done to me and my family and friends that he would find he couldn't possibly return.

Words truly cannot describe how I am feeling!

Is there anyone out there who can relate to my situation?

Lisa

Is it an internal investigation that has decided this or is this from the HSE. It may be that although his actions caused the accident there may be failings in your company's health and safety procedures that allowed this to happen or it may be that the pressure on him to complete certain tasks in to short a time led to him taking shortcuts. If you belong to a union, make sure they are aware of your case and see what if anything they are able to do to help.

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I think you are right in what you are saying. I am gutted though because I have lost so much and he wont even have to look for another job. I feel it is another kick in the teeth!

Lisa

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Lisa, I'm so sorry that you have to go through this mess...

My situation is a bit different, but I feel my surgeon completely ignored very clear signs of bone infection. I'm not bitter towards him, but I do feel that he truly screwed up... what would I want from him? I don't know, but I do know my life will never be the same simply because he blew me off repeatedly. *sigh* none of this is easy.

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That's what it balls down to, if he had only looked where he was going! Because of this he has changed my life forever. As far as I'm concerned his life remains the same. I wouldn't wish what has happened to me on anyone, all I wanted was for him to get the sack so that there is never a chance me or dave would come face-to-face with him. To be quite honest i really feel like crap at the minute, i sometimes wish that I could show him my injuries so that he can begin to understand exactly what he has done.

Thanks

Lisa

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Lisa,

I can't begin to know how you are feeling, as I have nothing really to blame for what happened to me apart from a couple of tectonic plates somewhere off Indonesia. But I am really sorry that you have to go through this.

Are you getting some sort of redress from your company for the accident? If the man who did this to you was doing his job when it happened your company will be liable for his actions and will be obliged to compensate you for his actions.

Also, somebody was telling me the other day aboutIndustrial Injuries Disablement Benefit, which you can claim if you have had an accident at work. It sounds like it is a decent amount of money every month and so I would find out about it and maybe try to claim if I were you.

I know that money won't ever compensate you for the loss of your leg, but it will make your life easier to live and give you more options than would otherwise be available to you.

Take care,

Fiona

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Fiona

You are right in what you said about compensation etc because I probably am going to get a settlement and I am lucky in the fact that this will help pay for the things Im going to need. My heart really does go out to people who have had amputations due to illness/diseases because they may not be in a position to buy the things they really need in order to gain some normality back. I just cant believe that he will not receive any punishment for what he did. How he didn't cause me more injuries or even worse kill me that day, I have only God to thank. I just feel that had the injuries been caused through a car accident and he hadn't been looking, he would have incurred a punishment. To not even lose his job is beyond anything I can understand. I realise that companies have to abide by certain legislation etc to protect peoples rights, but who has protected mine.

Anyway those of you that have not seen any of my postings please don't think I'm some miserable old hag who does nothing but whinge!!!!!! Upto now I have been extremely positive, considering this has been a life changing experience for me. It was just a total shock when they broke the news to me. I just wanted to share my feelings with you all because I know that my family find it hard when i get upset.

Lisa

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Anyway those of you that have not seen any of my postings please don't think I'm some miserable old hag who does nothing but whinge!!!!!! Upto now I have been extremely positive, considering this has been a life changing experience for me. It was just a total shock when they broke the news to me. I just wanted to share my feelings with you all because I know that my family find it hard when i get upset.

Lisa

Lisa,

You don't have to excuse yourself for feeling how you do ... we, of all people, can understand the roller coaster of emotions that amputation can bring.

I think we all get bad days, some even years after their amputation (like me, for a start :angry: ). It's bound to happen. As you said, amputation is a life changing event.

But you're within your right to feel strongly about the person that caused your amputation. Allow yourself to feel how you want to feel - for as long as it takes - and then get back to feeling positive again. You've done really well so far.

By doing that, you will show this person (and more importantly, yourself) that they may have taken your leg, but certainly not your life :)

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Afet

Thank you for that, it brought tears to my eyes!

I'm gonna remember that:

'He's taken my leg not my life'

Thanks

Lisa

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I just feel that had the injuries been caused through a car accident and he hadn't been looking, he would have incurred a punishment.

Not really, he would have been charged with "driving without due care and attention" and had he been found guilty would have most probably received a £200 fine (approximately) and 3 points on his licence. Alternatively he could be invited by the police to undertake a driver improvement course at his own expense. If he passes then the offence is recorded for a couple of years in case he commits a similar offence. So apart from a couple of days intensive driving and a relatively small fine (particularly if he's got plenty of money to start with) there is no real difference to his life :(

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Lisa,

Some good advice that has been given on here before is to put down in writing your feelings right now in a letter to the person that caused the incident. I am not for one moment suggesting that you send the letter, in fact if there are enquiries pending it is essential you do not but it might help you express the hurt and pain you are feeling right now.

Take care.

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Hi Lisa

Like everyone else here, I have my story. To make it short, I've had 43 operations, and have lost a leg, a perfectly good kidney, and have pieces and parts of other things that either are gone or don't work anymore. My insurance company cancelled my insurance after the third operation, after 15 years of my paying in, with no payouts by them. The rest of the operations cost my wife and I our Southern California home, our complete bank account, all assets, and a successful building construction company. It bankrupt us and we lived in our 17 foot camping trailer for a year.

ALL BECAUSE OF "COMPLICATIONS".... OTHERWISE SPELLED, "THINGS THAT WENT OR WERE DONE WRONG ".

I've been given up for dead six times. And left to die without care by a nurse, (different) twice.

AND YET.... I still find time to smile and live life. Today, I just got off of the roof over our deck that I have been rebuilding for the last four days. (a normal one day job).

People ask me why I'm not bitter, and how I manage to accept all what has happened. I tell them that: "I talk about it". I get it out of my system and don't let it fester.

I am alive and all I have to do is read this forum and realize how fortunate I really am.

Life is not always fair...... but it is still life, and I thank God for it everyday. I hope someday that you will too. If there is nothing that you can do about it now, just put it in a drawer and get on with your life.

Believe me, I'm a fighter. When all of this started, my family was as encensed as you and wanted justice. My brother who was an attorney looked into everything very thoroughly. He came back and said that it wasn't a case of anybody "doing" anything wrong, but a case of what they did, "went" wrong..... according to all of the records. That was their official postion.

Today, my wife and I own a little farm house in southwest Missouri, that I am rebuilding with this old broken down body - one piece at a time - and we are as happy as we have ever been. We just don't live in "yesterday".

Whatever you do, don't live in bitterness. Trust an old man when I say that it will just drag you down.

BEEN THERE - DONE THAT.

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Hi Everyone

Thank you so much for your comments! It really made me feel better just putting my feelings on this forum. There were alot of really good suggestions from you all. I think writing a letter is a really good idea because i can look back when i no longer feel like this and see how far i have come. The weird thing is that I was coping with it really well, before I found out there would be no repercussions for him. I haven't had the best of weeks and I think that hearing that news was the final straw. When I fell out of my wheelchair it really knocked my confidence because I was completely helpless, it made me realise that my body no longer matched my personality. I am a very strong woman some may say domineering and i had to get my son to try and get me off the floor. I know that I have to be patient as when I get my leg this will give me some of my independence back, it's just little things that happen remind you that you have to rely on others to do certain things for me (at the moment).

Thank you so much for listening and passing on your thoughts I really appreciated it!

Lisa

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I just feel that had the injuries been caused through a car accident and he hadn't been looking, he would have incurred a punishment.

Not really, he would have been charged with "driving without due care and attention" and had he been found guilty would have most probably received a £200 fine (approximately) and 3 points on his licence. Alternatively he could be invited by the police to undertake a driver improvement course at his own expense. If he passes then the offence is recorded for a couple of years in case he commits a similar offence. So apart from a couple of days intensive driving and a relatively small fine (particularly if he's got plenty of money to start with) there is no real difference to his life :(

THIS IS SOOOO TRUE, it's exactly what happened in my case,

Lisa, I understand how you feel when you say that this man is getting on with his life as if nothing happened.

I would also like to show the guy that 'didn't look where he was going' just what he's done to me and some days I can't bear the thought of the wonderful FULL life I used to lead, but Jim is quite right, we can't live in the past, we must look to the furture and make fabulous plans and watch them take shape.

My brother once told me many years ago that a person can never be happy until they are happy with what they have at that moment. It's so true on many levels.

XX H XX

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My brother once told me many years ago that a person can never be happy until they are happy with what they have at that moment.

You not only have a wise brother, Hazel, but he also has a wise sister who knows to take to heart what he has said.

Many unhappy people travel long distances to get away from sorrow and find happiness. I won't say that this cannot happen, but most often, the problem lies within ourselves.... and we always take ourselves with us where ever we go.

I'm very glad to hear that you are listening to these people Lisa. The education they have learned, and are passing on, cannot be found in traditional schooling. It's called "The School of Life". OR, as I said before - they've "BEEN THERE - DONE THAT".

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Dear Lisa,

I can only imagine the outrage and indignation you must be feeling. On the other hand, though, by holging onto the rage, you give the other person power over you that he does not merit.

Although I have not lost a limb or dealt with the high level of grief you have, I have a clear motto for getting through the traumas in my own life. That motto, quite simply is: LIVING WELL IS THE BEST REVENGE.

You deserve the best, and you deserve to give your best energy to yourself. The one who caused your pain will face his own consequences. The universe provides.

I hope your strength and compassion towards yourself return soon. In the meantime, write the letter, beat a pillow, stick pins in a doll, wave a live chicken over your head: whatever it takes. Then go out and live your good life.

Wishing you only good things.

Maryl

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Anyway those of you that have not seen any of my postings please don't think I'm some miserable old hag who does nothing but whinge!!!!!! Upto now I have been extremely positive, considering this has been a life changing experience for me. It was just a total shock when they broke the news to me. I just wanted to share my feelings with you all because I know that my family find it hard when i get upset.

Lisa

Lisa,

You don't have to excuse yourself for feeling how you do ... we, of all people, can understand the roller coaster of emotions that amputation can bring.

I think we all get bad days, some even years after their amputation (like me, for a start :rolleyes: ). It's bound to happen. As you said, amputation is a life changing event.

But you're within your right to feel strongly about the person that caused your amputation. Allow yourself to feel how you want to feel - for as long as it takes - and then get back to feeling positive again. You've done really well so far.

By doing that, you will show this person (and more importantly, yourself) that they may have taken your leg, but certainly not your life :)

Afet, AMEN! For me as long as I can laugh - life is still great.

Lisa - the idiot that caused your amputation has to go to bed with that thought every night. I don't know how I would handle that.JudyH

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Afet

Thank you for that, it brought tears to my eyes!

I'm gonna remember that:

'He's taken my leg not my life'

Thanks

Lisa

Lisa, I didn't quite know where to put this - I read about when you fell out of your wheel chair and the fear returned. until I got my leg and could wear it on a regular basis I got LifeLine and wore it around my neck. It is a great security blanket. It doesn't matter if you are outside, inside, in the shower etc. Someone will help. I am a different person when I can wear my leg. I am me; independent woman. I drive with hand controls (as I did before my amputation) Without my leg;timid, fearful. I don't want to go out. I want to sulk. Every day gets a little better.JudyH

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Judy

I should find out in a couple of weeks if he really does have a conscious! If he returns back to work he will be doing the exact same job as before. Obviously I'm not in a position to return back to work at the minute but how am I supposed to work in a building where he is. My partner also works for the same company and was actually one of this guy's supervisors. How could work possibly think that we are going to be able to work in these conditions.

Lisa

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Lisa

Writing the letter is a good idea. Just don't send it.

When you go back to work you will be that man's conscience. Every time he sees you or hears about you he's going to feel another twinge.

Your job is to hold your head high and show everyone just how good you really are. Forgiveness, if it ever comes can only be preceeded by forgetting. That's the tough part.

Gil Davis

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Hi Everyone

I've taken on board alot of your suggestions, not for him but for me and my family. I've actually started my own website blog on msn and it has really helped. I have bottled up so many feelings since the accident because I didn't want to hurt my family or friends, I felt like I was going to explode! My mum rang me after reading one of my entries and she was shocked because when we talk I'm always so cheerful. I just explained that sometimes it's hard and she understood that. I think it will help me by writing about my life good days and bad. I have attached a picture of me yesterday with my newborn nephew (an excellent day)

Thanks again

Lisa

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Keep at it Lisa - One day at a time. That is the only way to gain on it. Talking as I said before, has always made the difference.

Yesterday is gone and there is nothing that we can do about it

Tommorrow is not here or for us to know.

Today is all that we have. Live in it!!

I tell people to live life the same way that you drive a car. We all have rear view mirrors to look at the past, but if you notice, the windshield ahead is far bigger. Each should be used according to it's size.

It's important to know where we've been, but more important to know where we are now, and where we are going.

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Lisa,

No one caused my amputation, but none the less it had all of the emotional roller coaster ride surrounding it.

Eleven months ago, I was fit and healthy, training in the gym three times a week, swimming three times a week and running every day. Struck down so fast with an aneurysm that eventually caused me to lose my leg I thought my life had come to an end right there and then.

However despite the fact I had no one to blame, I recognised very quickly I had two choices here, one was to get on with my life, or sink into a pit of despair. I chose the former and now with a lot of determination and hard work I have just about regained the life I had before.

Why am I telling you all of this, well I can see the need you have to blame someone, the anger you feel and the bloody injustice of it all. However my point is you also need look beyond the anger, to focus on the the future for you, and what you can achieve to be determined to be the best you possibly can.

Don't let the anger consume you, channel it into determination, you will be amazed at what you can achieve.

Use the support of people here to help you do it, after all we better than anyone know what it's like.

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