Jump to content
Heather Mills - Amputee Forum
marko

Listen to me.

Recommended Posts

Thanks to all that have read my posts, and thankyou as some stuff u have said has made me think.

BUT I CANNOT ROLE OVER AND NOT THINK ABOUT WHAT HAS HAPPEND, IT HAS AND IM DEALING WITH IT THE BEST WAY I CAN, WHY SHOULD I FORGET ABOUT WHAT HE HAS DONE, WHY SHOULD I WRITE MY FEELINGS DOWN TO FEEL BETTER, THE ONLY THING THAT WOULD MAKE ME FEEL BETTER WOULD BE FOR ME TO MEET HIM DOWN A DARK ALLY AND BATTER THE LIVING S**T OUT OF HIM. I DONT AGREE WITH A LOT OF STUFF THAT HAS BEEN SAID AT ALL AND JUST BECAUSE U ARE OLDER THAN ME AND THINK U KNOW BETTER THAN ME DOESNT MAKE U RIGHT.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Even though alot of you will think that this posting is extremely over the top etc etc. I had a very similiar accident to what Mark has experienced. I must admit that when I put my postings on here some of the replies were not very helpful at all. We are told that the first year is the hardest and yet it seems that some members obviously don't remember the full devastation that follows an amputation. It is easier said than done to not feel bitterness towards someone who has caused the amputation to a healthy limb. This does not mean that our pain is any more significant than someone who loses it through disease this just happens to be why we had our legs amputated. I have felt very upset and angry at times with some members responses. Instead of simply replying 'don't let bitterness eat you up', tell us how we do this. I have said before that how can I forgive someone who shows no remorse and I don't think it can be done and to be quite honest I don't see why I should. I'm sure it is true that time is a great healer but as so many have said before the first year is the hardest. It would be nice to hear from members with actual stories of how they overcame this.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Well, Lisa, and marko.......here goes....

I am in the same boat as both of you.... 4 years ago, I was hit by an 18 year old girl who was talking on a cell phone.... To this day, I can hear her telling my husband that she didn't see me, she wasn't paying any attention, after they brought me back to life.....Those are her words.....I live with that in my head every day...Did I have anger...... you bet...... did I strike out at people.... most certainly.........everything in my life that was good, and the things that weren't had changed drastically..... My father had just had a MAJOR surgery 3 weeks before my accident, and had only been home for a week. He was still full of at the stitches from it..I was the person that took care of him, and to me, I was letting him down....

I died that day.... in a ditch by the side of the road.. My husband and father both heard the accident....

I spent a very long time in the hospital, and month after month in physical therapy... I not only had to learn how to walk with a prosthesis, I had to learn to live my life after a brain injury,and other debilitating effects... The effects from the brain injury alone, are hard obstacles to conquer. I have had to learn a new career, because mine was taken away from me. I was a certifed nurses aide, who worked a lot of the time with end of life patients. I can't do half of what I used to on this farm, including riding the horses like I used to... it was a passion of mine.... It was supposed to be that I take care of my husband as we age, not him taking care of me..... (Who will help me if he dies?) What helped me get over my accident? Realizing that all of my anger was only hurting him... the person that is most dear to my heart....plain and simple...... I was causing him pain with my anger....He was angry enough from finding me dead in a ditch, let alone watching all of the anger inside of me fester each day....

I won't say it's easy to over come anything....it's hard as hell... but, to set anymore and just let it eat at me like it was, isn't worth it... My accident touched the lives of everyone in my immediate family..What was more important.... hearing an 18 year old girl say "I'm sorry" and probably not really mean it, or at least spending quality time with those closest to me and enjoying it.... actually laughing with them, and not feeling sorry for myself....Hell, for that matter, I am still trying to 'recover'. (Only in the last 6 months, have I been able to sit and cross my legs....sounds easy enough, but being broke in half, it makes it quite difficult.)

There isn't ever any magical key to make things better..... No pill to make it go away over night. Or completely. For me, it was a long, painful, talk with myself, and God, that helped me change and get rid of the anger.... Like I have said before, the realization that each minute that I spent angry with her, taking it out on my husband, was one more minute she took away.. I will NOT ever let her take another thing from me.......my foot was enough.....Do I still have a day or two where the anger wants to come back....sure I do. Especially when there is something that I loved to do, like touring the US on our motorcycle, and I can't ride more than 100 miles now without being in severe pain...but, I get a grip, and try to find something else that we can do, that both of us will enjoy....

As for anyone else on the board, I wouldn't even presume to speak for them.. we have all over come our own things... I do know that there are others that have had their lives changed in a heart beat at someone elses hand too.... and sooner or later, they find that the present and future are what are with living, not reliving the past that can't be changed....I do however, think that they all have the best of intentions at heart. And, I also know from experience and meeting some of these people face to face, that they are only trying to help, in the best way they can...Some of them are very dear friends now, because they took the time to hold out their hand ....

I am always here if either of you want to talk. You can always email or pm me if you wish. I may not be a qualified phsycologist, but I do know first hand, from living through it, what you are talking about....

Tammie

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Yes - this is the sharp end of being an accident victim.

My accident wasn't my fault - I was a good rider, and I took pride in how skillfully I rode. I'd had a few little spills before, and had learned from them all, and I had what I believed was an excellent feel for how my motorcycle behaved; even though I knew I was vulnerable, I believed I was skillful enough to avoid almost anything.

But drunk drivers don't do rational things. He was stationary at the side of the road, and I pulled across my lane to pass him, but he suddenly pulled into my path, to make an unsignalled turn into an opposing side street. I braked hard, and swerved to pass him on the inside, but he veered into my path again, and I hit him. I knew it would be bad - I was flying through the air, and it was silent, as I accepted that I would be badly injured. Then I hit the road, and slid, choking for breath, with my head forced into my chest. When I stopped sliding, my knee was six inches higher than it should have been, my foot was flopped over sideways, I was bleeding very badly, and the pain was unbearable. Then he carefully drove away from the accident he'd caused.

I spent 8 weeks in the same hospital bed, after being told the morning after that I'd never walk again. I was 20. I almost lost my foot, but they saved it; I now believe I might have been as well off if they had amputated, and this is what eventually happened, 2 weeks ago.

I eagerly awaited the police prosecution of the man who'd caused all my pain and ruined my life, but they said there wasn't enough evidence to prosecute him with anything more than driving without due care and attention. He was fined £50, and it was over. He never looked at me in court - he actually looked bored.

I wanted him dead! Then I wanted him smashed up like I was. Then I wanted him to never be able to drive again, so he could do this to anyone else. Then I wanted him to see what he'd done to me. Then I wanted his apology. Then I wanted him to compensate me. ...and I realised that this last one was the only thing I had a chance of achieving, so I sued him privately. It took 5 years, and I won. The moral victory was far more important than the money.

I still hated the drunk driver all through the legal action, but all that time, I was getting better - after one year I could walk unaided, after 2 years I could walk short distances without a limp, after 3 years I could block out the pain of walking for up to 30 minutes at a time. And by five years, I was working again, with only a few concessions required to my injuries.

Marko, if you've done all you can to get compensated for what happened to you, then you have to make this about you now. You have to focus on yourself - I did, and I was 5 years younger than you when I had my accident.

You said:

I have never even had a problem that my mum or mates or myself couldnt sort out, how do i do this and how do i get on with my life...
and in that quote you've answered your own question - you all pull together and work optimistically towards a solution. Bit by bit, things will work out.

I also think it's very important to let yourself feel everything in connection with what happened to you; you have every right to be angry, resentful, frustrated, outraged, thoroughly pissed off, but repressing those feelings inside yourself would be bad - let them out! Then, in your own words, get on with sorting it out. You'll have days when you can't see past your anger - don't block it out, feel it! There will be other days when you'll be able to think more constructively about your future and how to fix things, and they will become more frequent.

This is a big challenge, and it's really hard to see how it will be fixed when progress is so slow, but day by day you will make progress. I think it's important to believe that you will sort it out; there have been plenty of people injured in exactly the same way as you who now have excellent and unrestricted lives, and there's no reason why you can't do the same. Believe in that.

But you're right about the anger - it's real, accept it, feel it, yell out loud if you have to, let it out, but this is about you now, not the person who caused your problems. If you continue to feel victimised by what he did, you will let him keep on beating you.

Don't give him that control over your life - this is your fight, and only you can win it.

That's how I survived - I took control of my own life again. It was a mess to start with, and I was angry and resentful, but dealing with every day as well as I could, after a year I could see that I'd come a long way. It certainly didn't seem like it, on a daily basis, but this is what's meant by "keep on keeping on"; you have a future, but you have to believe in it, and act on that belief.

I hope this helps you. I know how you feel, I really do, but I survived, and so can you. It will help to keep talking about this, so please keep posting here.

Very best wishes

Roz.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Higgy just laid it out very well... think about her words.

While my amputation was not the result of an accident such as you all had to go through, I've found myself in need of being able to "forgive the unforgivable" before. There's a definition of "forgiveness" that I've found helpful and which sums up Higgy's philosophy quite nicely. I don't want to "botch" the quote, so I'll have to dig up the book... I'll post it as soon as I can.

Anger is one of the major stages of grief. If you can read a little about those stages, it might give you an idea of what you're likely to be dealing with as you make this adjustment to a terrible situation.

take care... cherylm

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Anger is a stage we must go through in grieving a loss. Whatever the loss.

I just had my one year anniversary of my right leg amputation. Two days later my only son, age 26, was dead. I am still dealing with that very hot anger. I understand the deepest colors of anger. I would give my three remaining limbs if I could have my son back.

Luke's biological father (who gave Luke up for adoption at age 4) tried to steal Luke's ashes. I want to kill this man. I feel the anger coursing through my veins like no anger I've ever felt. What will happen to me if I linger here, in this state of murderous rage? It would kill me.

You have to get to the other side. I'm working on it. I hope you will.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I understand exactly what you mean, Mark. And I am as guilty as anyone of what you describe. I just passed my first year since being hit, so, if you don't mind, I'll add the stuff I normally leave out.

I was 33 years old, married for 15 years and dad to an awesome little 10 yr old boy. I had started racing harescrambles(dirt bikes) 8 years earlier. A harescramble is very similar to enduros. But instead of timed tests, we are just all out, heads up, who's the fastest, for 2 hours nonstop on a closed woods course averaging 7-9 miles per lap. I had gotten a slow start in the begging, but the previous year something just clicked for me and I was riding faster and smoother than ever. Out races usually draw about 150 riders, devided into about 10 classes. My finishes were usually top 2 in my class and top 20 overall. My brother races in the AA pro class and both our's and our families lives revolved around racing.

Then it happened, a nineteen year old with previous wreckless driving and speeding tickets trying to beat a train so he could get to his sister's to take a shower, was oncoming traffic and turned left into me. He hit me at a 45 degree angle on my left side. He was turning fast enough to make the tires squeel and I was doing 50mph. It was a direct hit on my left leg. The impact threw me from the bike and I cartwheeled 91 feet down the asphalt. My new, 30 minutes old helmet, strapped on properly, came off on impact. It was found 150+ feet away. My leg was busted to shreds and my pelvis was almost as bad. The boy that hit me owns nothing and his parents weren't even on speaking terms with him. My lawyer says we could win a million dollar case if we take it to trial, but probably wouldn't ever see it.

Now I'm broke. My family lives on about $300 per week. I have to borrow money from my mother all the time, not knowing when I'll be able to pay her back. That bothers me alot. I have never been one to ask to borrow money or ask for charity. I had just started a new job, so I had no insurance. I got signed up for VA(veterans) benefits after I got hit. Medicaid has paid some but at this moment I have $234,000 in medcal liens against me. I'll never be able to pay that. I have ALOT of short term memory loss, and can loose track of my thoughts mid sentence. I find myself just sitting with a blank stare, and realize 30 minutes or more are gone. Sometimes when that happens I catch myself thinking of things that nobody should ever think of, but I can't help it, it just happens. I am still battling depression. I win most days, but not all. Deciding to have my leg amputated above the knee was the hardest thing I've ever been through. I cried while I signed the release forms for my surgery.When the nurses came for me I had a vision of wolves coming for me. After I went home, I woke up everyday hurting and for almost the first 2 months I had horrible phantoms in my missing foot every night. My wife had to turn off the lights, play soft music, and rub my back. Often, while I screamed in pain. Laying on my stomach always made the pains worse, but this was the only way I could get to sleep.

I could go on with alot more detail, but I just wanted give you an idea of where I'm coming from.

Mark, the thing is, we are all dealt our hands. You have to play them, folding is not an option. When something this big happens, the only way you can make it is by looking forward. I had a real hard time with it and still do, some days. But being positive is something you have to practice at and you get better at it as time goes on. This is part of why our responses are the way you described. These folks have been there. And at somepoint, we all have to make the decision that life does go on. We've all done that and to some degree, we've all learned that looking back only makes things worse. We genuinely care, and when we see someone that is new or struggling, we want to hold up a big sign that says "This Way!" We have trained ourselves to not look back.

Dude, it really is going to get better. I know it seems impossible right now, but it seemed impossible for me too. You will get back to being active with your buddies and you will be respected by them all for going on with life. Things ARE going to be alot different for you, but there's not a thing you can do about it. What is, is.

I hope you can look at our responses a little differently. Being slightly detached from those early days is nothing more than a side effect of moving on.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Shane, I honestly love you for all you are and what you will be...

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Marko, everything that has been said in the previous postings in response to your plea, applies to everyone on this board...even 'old hands' like me.

I've been where you are...screaming and shouting and beside myself with anger. I went through your stage when I was 14 years because I decided, all by myself (as my parents decided not to influence me one way or the other), at that very young age, to have my only foot removed, because the prosthetists at the time weren't skilled enough to fabricate me a KAFO (knee foot ankle orthosis) that didn't force my congenitally fused ankle into pronation (tip toes). The day after my amputation I started crying and I cried and cried...I cried for so long that I ended up crying for 5 solid hours...

When I got home, my mother found it very difficult to cope (and she still does), my father was great, but he worked away from home a lot of the time & I was the eldest of three. So, I had very little support, apart from my doctor saying 'Yes, I think you're doing the right thing' (that actually happened in a busy corridor) & I had no counselling what-so-ever...not until years later. Yet, I had to get on with things...I got used to my reduced mobility (I found that I couldn't run anymore & my swimming was badly affected)...I had to go back to school & study for my O'levels, with a monstrous looking leg on one side (a pylon)...I basically had everything that any other 14 year old girl had to cope with, but I also had all the other rubbish that new amps have, including my very real grief. And, who had I to blame? Absolutely no one...

I know I suggested the letter writing to you & that you don't like the idea...well, perhaps not at the moment, anyway. But, as I had no one to blame, it was a very theraputic thing for me to do. The only other option would have been for me to turn the anger inwards and become depressed...possibly suicidal...

We've all been there, Marko. You just have to get on with life the best you can, with what you have left. And, if you're lucky (like me) you're rewarded with a wonderful partner, gorgeous kids & lovely friends & family.

Lizzie :)

PS Oh & Shane...Neal & Marilyn are right - you're great! ;)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I can't give you advice, I do appreciate your sharing. I am sorry for your pain as I would not wish what someone with a limb loss has to deal with on anyone, except the b#@!tard that pulled out on me on my motorcycle. I am angry, frustrated, scared and many other things. I had this lady try to tell me to talk about it and the doctor to talk about it! Talk about what, that a custom 06' Fatboy I had built just for me, that I raced with in Daytona (safely) that I loved and had waited till the 2 children I raised were grown was hit by some jerk coming out of a liqour store with me, yes a WOMAN driving a bike.

So here I am flighted with a near amputation at seen and a head fracture.

Am I angry?

I am an RN I haved worked my whole career serving others, ER, Trauma and BMT ICU.

I don't drink, or smoke or do drugs.

I taught Sunday school, I sang I church for years.

I had took care of unloved kids.

Most of my adult life I spent trying to help or care for others.

The one thing I loved, the one stress reliever and in one moment it is gone with no excuse, no I am sorry and because I was unconsious at the seen the guy blamed me.

The only thing I remeber after 9 surgeries and all the hospital crap is the mini-van that pulled out!

Angry an understatment. Than for a good boot in the #ss, the surgeon srewed up and over 2 months later I am still re-opening.

I hope you find peace in this insane thing. I will pray for you, I am not sure anyone is listening but I will give it a shot. Wish I could say more.

Skully Cat

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Thanks to all that have read my posts, and thankyou as some stuff u have said has made me think.

BUT I CANNOT ROLE OVER AND NOT THINK ABOUT WHAT HAS HAPPEND, IT HAS AND IM DEALING WITH IT THE BEST WAY I CAN, WHY SHOULD I FORGET ABOUT WHAT HE HAS DONE, WHY SHOULD I WRITE MY FEELINGS DOWN TO FEEL BETTER, THE ONLY THING THAT WOULD MAKE ME FEEL BETTER WOULD BE FOR ME TO MEET HIM DOWN A DARK ALLY AND BATTER THE LIVING S**T OUT OF HIM. I DONT AGREE WITH A LOT OF STUFF THAT HAS BEEN SAID AT ALL AND JUST BECAUSE U ARE OLDER THAN ME AND THINK U KNOW BETTER THAN ME DOESNT MAKE U RIGHT.

Hello Marko & Lisa,

Boy do you two sound like you’re really pissed!!!! Infact you even sound like you are pissed at us on this forum. for even trying to give you are thoughts, Well here is my two pennies worth, it might not be what you want to hear but its meant well.

Before I start a bit about me:- nearly two years ago I was a “normal” two legged person, married to the love of my life & had two kids,

Hobbies: - most outdoor sports, hiking, having nights out on the town, and the best sport of all hang gliding. I also run for at least 5 miles a day and hit the gym at least 3 times a week. Life was good ……. you get the idea.

My accident ………. push bike…… v……….. 18 wheeler lorry…….. It won I lost.

My mistakes that I made, (not in any order)

I didn’t even know about forums like this, I was so alone nobody knew what I was going through.

I didn’t talk to any one about how I felt

My life was over …….im a cripple no good to any one any more

I was soooooooo negative

I would never do the things that I love doing again

Pain was my constant companion

Booked myself out of hospital after 8 days (with a smashed up left shoulder) what did the docs know……………..my life was over.

I moved out of the family home and got a flat on my own so I wouldn’t be a burden on my family (yes I was pretty stupid) …………you get the picture you are not the only ones that go through this we have all been there in one form or another.

What helped: - some people say hitting the church and praying helps!!! …….not for me.

Talking to a councillor (shrink) again not for me, in fact I was sick to death of so called experts telling me what I could & couldn’t do.

Some people say writing a letter will help again I thought what a lot of crap.

I was a very very angry boy. I’m sure that you feel right now what I felt then.

Turning point: - getting my first leg, and taking it home on the first day (stupid and against the rules but I didn’t care).

THEN the next day struggling to walk across the room on my own no support or anything. It hurt me. That pain turned into more anger ONLY THIS TIME I USED THAT ANGER, I TURNED IT ONTO ME, I WILL WALK ACROSS THIS ROOM I WILL WALK BACK, I WLL WALK ACROSS THIS ROOM, I WILL WALK BACK.

Not a very cleaver thing to do but it helped, the nexted day backpack on up to the hills (Northumberland national park) and started to get my life back on track walking up in the hills , anger yes I was still full of anger each time I fell over that anger came flooding back driving me on . After a few days living rough in the hills some common sense started to kick in, I was so knackered, cold (it was in January) no one knew where I was, HOW STUPID WAS I, time to go home.

Sometime up in the hills I lost my anger, I learnt that if I could walk umpteen miles over snow and nasty ground maybe I wasn’t so hopeless after all.

From this point on wards I have never looked back, I went to physo (after stripping and cleaning the leg of peat ECT) and was a perfect student (well I think so) I went back to hospital and got my broken shoulder fixed up , but most importantly of all I went home to my family.

Over the nexed few weeks I started to lean all over again how to do things,

And have never looked back since YOU HAVE GOT TO MOVE FORWARD.

I have met the driver of the lorry and we are now good friends after all no matter what people think he didn’t plan it, accidents WILL always happen.

Me today: - I go hiking at least once a week with my wife (work permitting) I do about 5 – 7 miles each time.

I do kayaking both on rivers and the sea,

I also do power kiting and power buggying

I don’t do the gym as I would sooner use all my energy doing things that matter

I work full time.

Infact the only thing that I don’t do now is hang gliding (maybe nexed year)

Other stuff I hurt my wife and children with my actions DON’T make the same mistake that I made your family is hurting with you DON’T shut them out like me.

I guess what im trying to say is channel your anger doesn’t let it take over you DON’T MAKE THE SAME MISTAKES THAT I MADE.

And my last real gem is:- age has nothing to do with it………………………………. …………………………………………………………………….time it helps n heals I hope this helps after all it’s taken me hours to type it out.

Take care Mick…… lak

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Bless you Mick!

Your post helped ME!

Thank you for taking the time and effort to type it out.

Very best wishes

Roz. :)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Okay... end of the day, and a LOT of wise words later, I'm back with my promised definition of "forgiving the unforgivable." I'm not going to go into great detail, as it's not really the focus here... but a little background:

As a small child (I was five), I was physically abused, repeatedly, by a family member with VERY severe mental/emotional/substance abuse problems. We're not talking "bad spankings," here... he was into torture, with knives, closed-fist punches, and the occasional session with a lit cigaret. And my parents, who should have been the ones to protect me, were too caught up in their own affairs to notice that, every time I was left alone with this family member, I came back injured. In fact, they encouraged him to spend time with me because I "seemed to do him good" which meant that he was "so much calmer" after being with me. (Well, yeah.......) It went on for nearly a year before Mom and Dad finally figured it out and took action to stop it. I think that's enough to give you the picture of what I mean when I say I had to "forgive the unforgivable."

It wasn't easy. It took decades, on my own and in counseling. It was the hardest work I've ever done, Period. Not even losing my leg was as bad. Honestly. But DOING IT changed my life greatly, for the better.

I didn't find this definition until much later... long after I'd managed to scream and cry and cuss my way to the point where I JUST DIDN'T WANT TO SUFFER ANY MORE. I was slowly killing myself, wallowing in poisonous, self-defeating anger... and I was TIRED of keeping it going. It takes a LOT of time, effort, and energy to feed that kind of anger... time, effort, and energy that could be spent much more productively. Eventually, I understood that I HAD to move on, or destroy myself... so I chose to forgive the fact that I'd been put through that childhood horror. And I got on with it. Now, when anything threatens to trigger that black anger, I have my definition of forgivness... a definition that allows me to regain my perspective. Here it is:

"Anger causes me to cling to a need to have the person hurt or punished to make up for the suffering he or she has caused me. The person I resent becomes my Higher Power as I think obsessively about what he or she did to me and how I can get even, all the time recreating the pain-filled episode in my mind.

"But as I set out to accomplish my goal of getting revenge or punishing, I get the opposite of what I want. The intensity of my anger and need for revenge drives away from me those I want close to me. This creates an even greater sense of isolation, resulting in increasing pain and anger. The need to punish or get revenge comes from the belief that if I can sufficiently punish the person, I can keep the painful experience from ever happening to me again."

(And here it cones.... the part I cling to:)

"FORGIVING A PERSON WHO HAS HURT ME MEANS THAT I GIVE UP THE NEED FOR REVENGE OR PUNISHMENT SO THAT I CAN FEEL GOOD INSIDE MYSELF. IT DOESN'T MEAN THAT I MUST KEEP THE PERSON IN MY LIFE, CONSTANTLY BATTLING TO PROTECT MYSELF AND BEING HURT IN THE PROCESS. IT DOESN'T MEAN I APPROVE OF THE PERSON'S ACTIONS. IT JUST MEANS I SIMPLY ACKNOWLEGE MY FEELINGS, STOP REPLAYING THE EVENT IN MY MIND, AND GIVE UP THE IDEA OF REVENGE."

I'm not saying it's easy. I'm just saying it's doable, and that it made a literal difference between life and death for me. The others who've shared their stories on this thread have all said the same thing in their own way: You owe it to YOURSELF to feel it, acknowledge it, then let it go, close the door and move on. It may take a while... but it's worth it.

take care... cherylm

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Wow, an accumulation of positive energy and hope in the replies. How very kind of the members who obviously took their time here :)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Hello!

You have mentioned an interesting theme:)

I have lost a leg above a knee when to me there were 25 years, me now 31 years, I feel perfectly though I carry a bad artificial limb.

The first year when I have lost a leg, I was very much helped by advice which I received from my friends with whom I have got acquainted in hospital.

I was the dear person in the family and among the friends, and have remained such as was earlier, probably began to respect even more.

I am glad that there is this forum, fur-trees at me will be problems, I can ask and to me will tell that it is necessary to make.

It is necessary to thank the God for that that we have remained are alive:).

Write to me friends aslan3103@yahoo.com I badly I know English language, but I shall answer.

Aslan.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Thanks to all that have read my posts, and thankyou as some stuff u have said has made me think.

BUT I CANNOT ROLE OVER AND NOT THINK ABOUT WHAT HAS HAPPEND, IT HAS AND IM DEALING WITH IT THE BEST WAY I CAN, WHY SHOULD I FORGET ABOUT WHAT HE HAS DONE, WHY SHOULD I WRITE MY FEELINGS DOWN TO FEEL BETTER, THE ONLY THING THAT WOULD MAKE ME FEEL BETTER WOULD BE FOR ME TO MEET HIM DOWN A DARK ALLY AND BATTER THE LIVING S**T OUT OF HIM. I DONT AGREE WITH A LOT OF STUFF THAT HAS BEEN SAID AT ALL AND JUST BECAUSE U ARE OLDER THAN ME AND THINK U KNOW BETTER THAN ME DOESNT MAKE U RIGHT.

Marko, just how OLD are you??? I know I am older & YES I sure would like to know why (when I was in the hospital) they took so darned much time before they opened a vein to my foot!! In plain facts, they let it rot... In fact I would like to punch out someones lights !! BUT there is no way to backtrack....what is done is done and I can't change that. The longer I dwell on it, the madder it makes me feel plus continues to ruin my life. :( :( These people on this forum are a fantastic group...and have all being through HELL & BACK, but we know that you will come through this with flying colors & yes it is hard...no one ever said life is easy.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I've just remembered something that really helped me, when I was in hospital, perhaps 3 weeks after my accident, in great pain, thoroughly depressed at my ruined life.

I routinely had to have X-rays of my pelvis, to see how it was healing after being screwed and plated; I was still in such a mess that they brought a portable X-ray machine to me, and nurses had to manoeuvre the X-ray plates underneath me. It was terribly painful moving enough just to do this, and I couldn't help moaning and complaining about it.

On one occasion, as the nurses were positioning the X-ray plate, and I was gritting my teeth and ouching royally, one of them looked at me with obvious contempt, and said, "Are you always such a cry-baby?"

Now, she was totally out of line, because I really was in a great deal of pain, the magnitude of which she had no way of imagining; but instead of just reproaching her, something clicked in my head, and I thought to myself, "OK, you heartless b1tch, I'll show you how much of a cry-baby I'm NOT!"

From that moment on, I forced myself to endure much more pain without complaining, to look at the possibilities in my life as opposed to the limitations, and whether I could help others feel better about their situations, instead of sharing my own misery.

The verbal slap I'd received did me nothing but good, and I've always pondered the irony that someone else's harsh words helped me rise to meet the challenges that I faced.

Perhaps, at 20, I was still a bit of a cry-baby, but not after that! Since then I've viewed challenges as games which I'm determined to win!

I hope this helps.

Best wishes

Roz. :)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

This whole thread, WOW!! :)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I won't even go into how angry I was and still am at times. I just no longer let it rule my life. When it comes, I acknowledge it, then I let it go. What I want to say is - What an amazing group of people you all are. After each posting I read, I would think "wow". Then I'd read the next one, "wow". This is why I love this forum so much. It just doesn't get any better than this.

Mark and Lisa, I hope you know that any advice offered to you was done with only the best of intentions and with the hope that in some small way it would help.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

The remarkable stories and advice given on this thread should be pinned for future use. It truly is a lesson we all could use in our daily living.

Hatred is what has this world in such a mess. The middle east hates the US because of Israel. We don't have to embrace those who've wronged us, but we need to forgive and move on. My step-daughter hated things her father did to her when she was young, nothing sexual, one occasion of physical abuse. She has let that rule and ruin her whole life. She is now 48 yo and still has trouble with relationships. Everything that has gone wrong in her life is her father's fault.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Marko, I most certainly understand you're anger - I personally just nver chose to take part in it. I guess because there was nothing I could change. It is however very normal and it's hard to get used to at any age.

We all have things that we can't do; we all look different now and I guess that's the way it is. I dont; like it but I can't do much to change it. I'm 40 my accident happened at 37. My last few opportunities of babies have and probably will pass; but.........I can't change that. People will love you for you and you in time will also love you for you. It's early days plese don't rush the process. Take each day as it comes.

Take care

Mel.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Guest bearlover

Anger is a normal thing for some amputees. Life with out a limb, may be different, but it dose not have to be worse. I think the way some of us loose a limb depends on how we deal with it. I never had 2 healthy legs. Even tho I did only loose mine 3 years ago. I honestly don't remeber having 2 healthy legs.I quess you don't miss what you never had. ;)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Deep down I think he is asking how to release this anger that builds and builds. All of the emotions are real. We have all have to deal with them. I think physical exercise is a great outlet for anger. You can channel your anger into a great workout and in the end, your body is rewarded. Some people do different things when they are angry, (some good, some bad ) You just have to find the right thing for you to do when you get angry. I really hope you find it.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now

×