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Heather Mills - Amputee Forum
marko

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Thanks to all that have read my posts, and thankyou as some stuff u have said has made me think.

BUT I CANNOT ROLE OVER AND NOT THINK ABOUT WHAT HAS HAPPEND, IT HAS AND IM DEALING WITH IT THE BEST WAY I CAN, WHY SHOULD I FORGET ABOUT WHAT HE HAS DONE, WHY SHOULD I WRITE MY FEELINGS DOWN TO FEEL BETTER, THE ONLY THING THAT WOULD MAKE ME FEEL BETTER WOULD BE FOR ME TO MEET HIM DOWN A DARK ALLY AND BATTER THE LIVING S**T OUT OF HIM. I DONT AGREE WITH A LOT OF STUFF THAT HAS BEEN SAID AT ALL AND JUST BECAUSE U ARE OLDER THAN ME AND THINK U KNOW BETTER THAN ME DOESNT MAKE U RIGHT.

Hi Marko

You are right Marko, you can't forget it is happening! You are dealing with it or you would not of come on the internet and found this site.

You don't have to forget about what "he's" done to you. But keep venting off our it will eat you up.

Your'e right you shouldn't have to write it down to feel better. But look above that is what you are doing!!!

You might feel better if you got "him" down a dark ally, but it won't give you back what you have lost. Just make people think you are as bad as him.

Marko again you are right some of us may be older but not necessarily right, our veiws and oppinions are just that veiws and oppinions but they are based on experience.

I can see you have you have your own values and oppinions but always remember you can change them as you tread life's path. Take what you have read and agree with and add that to your values and what you don't leave out but don't think it wrong just beause you don't agree.

Next time you fancy a rant and rave feel free to send me a private message if you like I will listen.

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Hi All

I'm so glad this thread has happened! It is so good for me to finally know that I am NORMAL for feeling angry. What was annoying me was that people were telling me not to be bitter or angry as this will only hurt me. I know this! But to finally hear all of your stories where you have overcome some terrible times and that you were angry and some still are. I spoke to my Mother the other day and I told her that I will always be angry about what happened and it will still be the same depth of anger but that I don't feel it as often. For me it's not about forgiveness because that is something that I can't and won't do. I think I have other things going on in my life that take up my time now so I don't think about the accident so much.

Lisa

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Hello Marko

I do not think that anyone here would want you to "ROLL OVER AND NOT THINK ABOUT WHAT HAS HAPPEND."

Nor does anyone expect you to "FORGET ABOUT WHAT HE HAS DONE TO YOU."

I have not rolled over, or forgotten about what has happened to me.

The only thing that I can tell you is that it does get better, with time.

We do not know the circumstances of your accident, but those of us who lost limbs in accidents still have the rest of our lives to live.

Thank God that you have survived!

I wake up every day knowing that this will be one more day that I am living on borrowed time, I should not be here.

You have only lost your leg, your lower leg, you still have both of your knees, life for you is not over. You will still be able to do so many of the things that you did prior to your accident.

Use your anger, apply it towards your learning to walk perfectly in your prosthesis.

You will need to be very proficient with your new prosthesis in case you ever,

"MEET HIM DOWN A DARK ALLY AND BATTER THE LIVING S**T OUT OF HIM."

Ted

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Hi Marko. I'm 27. I have read most of the replies and I have to admit that I really don't know what to say aside from hang in there. I am an AKA with PFFD. I lived my life (almost all of it) with my disability....so I cannot relate to what it is like to suddenly lose a limb. However I can relate to the anger of never knowing what it would be like to have one.

I have angry days like everyone else but my anger tends to be related to why was I never allowed to experience a single day in my life with a leg? Why did I not have one day in my life when I was just a "normal" person? Just one day is all that I ask for. I don't know what it is like to get up and walk to the bathroom in the middle of the night or to jump up and run to my baby when he is crying for me. I have never known what it is like to run or to walk through a store without being the center of attention. I have always had to get up, get my leg, findf the liner, get it on, hope that it lines up, slide the leg on, click in and then go... Some say it is better to have this loss at a young age (or birth) because you never know the "other side." I suppose that psychologically that is probably true. However, we always want what we don't have...and I am just bitter about it sometimes too.

I guess that what gets me through is knowing that there are always days that aren't so bad. Life stinks sometimes. Some people are born to abusive parents...some babies get cancer and die...none of it is fair. I am sorry that you have anger however I do think it is a completely normal reaction and I think it will get better and easier. I have a feeling that my response isn't what you are looking for and I am sorry for that. Just wanted to give feedback from someone in my situation. :-)

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Thanks to everyone that has shared in this thread. All responses, including those that started it, have led to some very meaningful dialogue. This is why I first joined this forum--the unique gathering of individuals who are willing to share of themselves for the benefit of others.

Carol

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Thankyou all, everything i have read makes me think about what u all have been through, it just seems so far away for me to get to grips with all this, i do have better days and it does feel normal, but then i come crashing down to earth with a big bang, i dont mean falling over i do that all the time i always did but its my feelings that crash down, and thats what worries me as i cannot control them, it creeps up on me and before i know it im crying my eyes out. You have posted some touching storys and a few of them made me cry but kinda a good cry as im proud of u (all) as u seem like u are sortin stuff out.

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If you think it would help you why not see if any of us are close enough to visit, I always find talking to people and more importantly seeing them helps tons.

I used to be a local volanteer in the area for going and seeing people who either had just had or where about to have amputations in general everyone found it a great help to speak to and see someone who had gone through what they where, they used to get me doing the most strange things..drop your trousers so i can see the leg properly...right now jump up and down etc...was interesting :)

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Marko, the emotions come with the territory at first... they WILL improve and you'll get back to feeling like YOU again. It will take some work on your part -- to NOT just try and stuff them down and pretend they aren't there, and to NOT let yourself become trapped by them. You're going to feel everything undfer the sun -- anger, hope, sadness, fear, and, yes, even joy. Let them come, take a good look at them, and then work at moving on to the next stage. Eventually, you're going to look back at this time and be proud of how well you're doing and how far you've come!

Rikk has a good point... if there's a support group, peer visitor program, or someone from here who's in your area, it could be a good thing to meet someone who's coping well with amp-life. I've done a couple of peer visits myself, and I WISH I'd had someone to visit me when I was a "newbie!"

You really can survive this and have pretty much as active a life as you want. Not easy... but doable, and it sounds to me like you're pulling yourself together to DO it.

take care... cherylm

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Thankyou all, everything i have read makes me think about what u all have been through, it just seems so far away for me to get to grips with all this, i do have better days and it does feel normal, but then i come crashing down to earth with a big bang, i dont mean falling over i do that all the time i always did but its my feelings that crash down, and thats what worries me as i cannot control them, it creeps up on me and before i know it im crying my eyes out. You have posted some touching storys and a few of them made me cry but kinda a good cry as im proud of u (all) as u seem like u are sortin stuff out.

Marko, I think what you are dealing with is depression....talk to your doctor about gettting some help.... (sometimes) you can't work through this without it.....I took paxil...and was no longer crying for no apparent reason. I believe this gave me the time I desperately needed to heal physically and emotionally...you have to remember you have lost a limb (no small thing) to happen to a person. :( :( then you will be able to turn your energy into relearning how to live again.... :P :P

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Hi Marko,

You seem to be going through a similar kind of depression as my daughter (vickib).

She says that this forum helps her even if she doesn't want to post.

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Hi again Marko. I have been following your posts. I felt complelled to stress to you that I think that being angry and emotions are COMPLETELY normal. I wouldn't jump into a specific diagnosis related to your anger/emotions without first accepting that with a life changing event comes emotions. I am not saying that you aren't depressed but I hope that you don't feel like there's something "wrong with you" because you feel angry. People deal with everything in their own, unique ways. I just wanted to express my opinion which is simply that what you are experiencing is normal. Let it happen....

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Hello Everyone,

The more i read about peoples lives in the forum the more i feel my life is not that bad. I am in total awe of some of you for what you have been through. I deeply respect everyone here for having the courage to tell others your stories of your lives. It is true what people say you cannot really understand or sympathise with people like us until you have actually been in our situation and this is very true.

I am currently living with my parents following my marraige breakdown, they are both elderly and my mum is blind, i am virtually house bound and on a ever increasingly long list for housing, i have no money huge debts and cry sometimes because of my life, but i have only lost half my leg and and i will eventually get re-housed and if i can't pay my debts i can't pay them so when you break it down my life is not that bad and i surrounded by people that love and care deeply for me.

So for those of you who have been through hell are are still going through it much respect to you, and i for one are deeply pround of you.

Best Wishes

Neil :rolleyes:

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Wow I ahve been reading this thread for over an hour and thinking of things form the3 past as i read. I once went back to the place of the accident to look for the

doctor that missdiagnosed my injury wanting to beat the crap out of him. Lucky for him he wasn't there. That anger still ramins and I hear that the doctor is back in the same place. One might never know I could take a trip there again. In the old days we were lead to believe that doctors words were gospel and not to be justified. Things are much different today. To bad I was not informed of the dangers from some doctors and there cutting tools for income. :blink: How could he say there was nothing wrong with my leg and I had to have 22 surgeries after. Guess we just have to shelf things for many years. How can the government pass these guys as doctors to cut on us and get off scott free when they screw up and they know they screwed up and get payed for doing that. So patient be ware if you need surgeries get a second opinion from a doctor of your choice. Take the time to seek out a good doctor even if its far from your home or in another province or state. Make sure he is well known. You will not reget it and don't be afraid to ask lots of question. After all its your life ond or limb. :blink:

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Guest bearlover
Wow I ahve been reading this thread for over an hour and thinking of things form the3 past as i read. I once went back to the place of the accident to look for the

doctor that missdiagnosed my injury wanting to beat the crap out of him. Lucky for him he wasn't there. That anger still ramins and I hear that the doctor is back in the same place. One might never know I could take a trip there again. In the old days we were lead to believe that doctors words were gospel and not to be justified. Things are much different today. To bad I was not informed of the dangers from some doctors and there cutting tools for income. :blink: How could he say there was nothing wrong with my leg and I had to have 22 surgeries after. Guess we just have to shelf things for many years. How can the government pass these guys as doctors to cut on us and get off scott free when they screw up and they know they screwed up and get payed for doing that. So patient be ware if you need surgeries get a second opinion from a doctor of your choice. Take the time to seek out a good doctor even if its far from your home or in another province or state. Make sure he is well known. You will not reget it and don't be afraid to ask lots of question. After all its your life ond or limb. :blink:

The doctors need to take personal responsibilties for the mistakes that make, Many never get caught or they get away with it. This is just not right. We are Humen beings not a experiement :blink::angry:

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Tks Bear I needed that. Never know I might go a hunting again. hehehe :P

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Guest bearlover

Also Stinker, what comes around goes around....So these Dr.'s better watch out! :rolleyes: :lol: :) ;) :lol:

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