Jump to content
Heather Mills - Amputee Forum

Recommended Posts

Adam was hanging around the garden of Eden feeling very lonely.

So, God asked him, "What's wrong with you?"

Adam said he didn't have anyone to talk to.

God said that He was going to make Adam a companion

and that it would be a woman.

He said, "This pretty lady will gather food for you,

she will cook for you,

and when you discover clothing, she will wash it for you.

She will always agree with every decision you make

and she will not nag you,

and will always be the first to admit she was wrong

when you've had a disagreement.

She will praise you!

She will bear your children.

and never ask you to get up in the middle of the night to

take care of them.

"She will NEVER have a headache

and will freely give you love and passion

whenever you need it."

Adam asked God, "What will a woman like this cost?"

God replied, "An arm and a leg."

Then Adam asked, "What can I get for a rib?"

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Pretty Good, Sparky! lol!

Plus, because he chopped off her hand, it's amputee related!

Susan

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Pretty Good, Sparky! lol!

Plus, because he chopped off her hand, it's amputee related!

Susan

Opps! Just realized I responded to a post that was almost a year old - first post Red Riding Hood - you all will be wondering what I'm responding to!

I'm a bit late, but oh well.

Susan

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

A prominent American reporter did a story on gender roles in Kabul, Afghanistan, several years before the Afghan conflict. She noted that women customarily walked five paces behind their husbands.

She recently returned to Kabul and observed that women still walk behind their husbands. From the reporter's vantage point, despite the overthrow of the oppressive Taliban regime, the women now seem to walk even further back behind their husbands and are happy to maintain the old sexist custom.

The reporter approached one of the Afghan women and asked, "Why do you now seem content with this old custom that indicates women's inferiority to men?"

The woman looked the reporter straight in the eye, and without hesitation, replied: "Land mines."

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I see nothing wrong with that :rolleyes:

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
A prominent American reporter did a story on gender roles in Kabul, Afghanistan, several years before the Afghan conflict. She noted that women customarily walked five paces behind their husbands.

She recently returned to Kabul and observed that women still walk behind their husbands. From the reporter's vantage point, despite the overthrow of the oppressive Taliban regime, the women now seem to walk even further back behind their husbands and are happy to maintain the old sexist custom.

The reporter approached one of the Afghan women and asked, "Why do you now seem content with this old custom that indicates women's inferiority to men?"

The woman looked the reporter straight in the eye, and without hesitation, replied: "Land mines."

'Sparky' I don't blame them. Probably would do the same thing. :ph34r::ph34r::blink::unsure::wacko::wacko:

;) ann

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

She was standing in the kitchen preparing to boil eggs for breakfast, wearing

only the 'T' shirt that she normally slept in.

As I walked in almost awake, she turned and said softly, 'You've got to make

love to me this very moment.'

My eyes lit up and I thought, 'I am either still dreaming or this is going to be

my lucky day.'

Not wanting to lose the moment, I embraced her and then gave it my all; right

there on the kitchen table.

Afterwards she said, 'Thanks,' and returned to the stove, her 'T' shirt still

around her neck.

A little puzzled, I asked, 'What was that all about?'

She explained, 'The egg timer's broken.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

NINE WORDS WOMEN USE

(1) Fine: This is the word women use to end an argument when they are

right and you need to shut up.

(2) Five Minutes: If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour.

Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more

minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.

(3) Nothing: This is the calm before the storm. This means something,

and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing

usually end in fine.

(4) Go Ahead: This is a dare, not permission. Don't Do It!

(5) Loud Sigh: This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement

often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an

idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing

with you about nothing. (Refer back to # 3 for the meaning of nothing.)

(6) That's Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements a women

can make to a man. That's okay means she wants to think long and hard

before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.

(7) Thanks: A woman is thanking you, do not question, or faint. Just say

you're welcome. (I want to add in a clause here - This is true, unless

she says 'Thanks a lot' - that is PURE sarcasm and she is not thanking

you at all. DO NOT say 'you're welcome' . that will bring on a

'whatever').

(8) Whatever: Is a woman's way of saying F-- YOU!

(9) Don't worry about it, I got it: Another dangerous statement, meaning

this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but

is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking 'What's

wrong?' For the woman's response refer to # 3.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

My brother's response to the above

NINE WORDS MEN USE

(1) Fine: This is the word men use to indicate that they're tired of hearing

the heavily-partisan details of the four-year-old argument

that occurred when the wife believed you had looked too long at the ass of

the neighbor's British cousin who was not really all that hot to begin with

but had a thread hanging off the back pocket of her jeans.

(2) Five Minutes: when men say this, what they mean is "five minutes". This

may also mean slightly less than five minutes.

(3) Nothing: when this is employed, what men really mean is "nothing".

(4) Go Ahead: used to indicate an ambivalent attitude about whether is

happens or not. So really, go ahead.

(5) Loud Sigh: This is also a non-verbal statement to which all women should

pay attention. We use the loud sigh to indicate that were you a man, we

would currently be beating your ass to a pulp and perfectly willing to face

charges.

(6) That's Okay: used to indicate that we men KNOW you are dead wrong and

the knife attack was probably hormonal.

(7) Thanks: word not found in men's dictionary.

(8) Whatever: This means "shut up" and is sometimes followed by a loud sigh

(see item 5).

(9) Don't worry about it, I got it: another simple male statement which

means exactly what it looks like. We know, you can't possibly lift the four

pound bag of garbage and possibly take it to the garage; we know that

putting air in a car tire requires higher education you apparently missed,

and your breasts somehow preclude you from picking up that newspaper that's

been in the front yard for three days.

your dear brother Jack

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Japanese scientists have created a camera with a shutter speed so fast, they can now photograph a woman with her mouth shut. :laugh:

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Japanese scientists have created a camera with a shutter speed so fast, they can now photograph a woman with her mouth shut. :laugh:

OMG ~ we have our 'Sparky' back on line!!

:happy:

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Q. How do you get a man to stop biting his nails?

A. Make him wear shoes.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Why is a wedding dress white?

So the dishwasher will match the oven and the fridge.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Cute Sparky, cute. :wink:

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

How many men does it take to tile a bathroom?

Two. If you slice them very thinly.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now

×