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Heather Mills - Amputee Forum
Sparky

I have good news and bad news

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Patient: I'm in a hospital! Why am I in here?

Doctor: You've had an accident involving a bus.

Patient: What happened?

Doctor: Well, I've got some good news and some bad news. Which would you like to hear first?

Patient: Give me the bad news first.

Doctor: Your legs were injured so badly that we had to amputate both of them.

Patient: That's terrible! What's the good news?

Doctor: There's a guy in the next ward who made a very good offer on your slippers.

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Oh, lordy, Sparky... I needed a laugh!! :lol: Thanks!!

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Patient: I'm in a hospital! Why am I in here?

Doctor: You've had an accident involving a bus.

Patient: What happened?

Doctor: Well, I've got some good news and some bad news. Which would you like to hear first?

Patient: Give me the bad news first.

Doctor: Your legs were injured so badly that we had to amputate both of them.

Patient: That's terrible! What's the good news?

Doctor: There's a guy in the next ward who made a very good offer on your slippers.

Oh lordy, Sparky

JudyH

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Guest bearlover

Patient: I'm in a hospital! Why am I in here?

Doctor: You've had an accident involving a bus.

Patient: What happened?

Doctor: Well, I've got some good news and some bad news. Which would you like to hear first?

Patient: Give me the bad news first.

Doctor: Your legs were injured so badly that we had to amputate both of them.

Patient: That's terrible! What's the good news?

Doctor: There's a guy in the next ward who made a very good offer on your slippers.

Oh lordy, Sparky

JudyH

:P :P :lol: :P :lol:

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reminds me of another (similar) joke...

Patient: Doctor, I can't feel my legs.

Doctor: Yes I'm very sorry, we had to amputate your arms.

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Sparky, have you heard this sweet little poem?

She stood on the bridge at midnight,

her lips were all a quiver,

she gave a cough,

her leg dropped off...

...and floated down the river. :rolleyes:

Lizzie :)

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Not exactly a "joke"... but I was flipping through a mail-order catalog last night and encountered THIS:

Black Knight Action Figure

I'm VERY tempted................!

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If you want one of those order it now--they sell out very quickly! I treid to get one for my brother a year ago and it was on backorder for months. Despite being a Monty Python fan he didn't find it very funny coming from me! Personally, I think it's hysterical and always crack up during that part of the movie. "It's just a flesh wound! Have at you!"

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Sparky, have you heard this sweet little poem?

She stood on the bridge at midnight,

her lips were all a quiver,

she gave a cough,

her leg dropped off...

...and floated down the river. :rolleyes:

Lizzie :)

I like that, not the words I learnt :) . This one isn't mine...

A LOST LEG LIMERICK .....

A leg amputee name of Rollo

Was a fanciful fellow to follow:

When they rolled out a keg,

He would take off his leg

And drink Budweiser right from the hollow.

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reminds me of another (similar) joke...

Patient: Doctor, I can't feel my legs.

Doctor: Yes I'm very sorry, we had to amputate your arms.

:D :P :P :P :P

A quadruple amputee is waiting at the bus stop. The bus pulls up. Driver says

"Alright John, how you getting on today?"

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Not exactly a "joke"... but I was flipping through a mail-order catalog last night and encountered THIS:

Black Knight Action Figure

I'm VERY tempted................!

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA - come back and fight you coward!

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Patient: "Wakes up" Where am I?

Doctor: You're in hospital son. You were in a bad car accident

Patient: What happened?

Doctor: We had to amputate your leg.

Patient: Arghhh, that's terrible.

Doctor: I've got some good news and some bad news. Which would you like to hear first?

Patient: Give me the bad news first.

Doctor: We amputated the wrong leg.

Patient: Arghhh, that's terrible. What's the good news?

Doctor: The leg we should have amputated seems to be healing very well now.

:huh:

Wish, we're sick puppies.....

:lol:

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Not exactly a "joke"... but I was flipping through a mail-order catalog last night and encountered THIS:

Black Knight Action Figure

I'm VERY tempted................!

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA - come back and fight you coward!

It's only a flesh wound :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

http://www.intriguing.com/mp/_pictures/gra...olyGrail021.jpg

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Not exactly a "joke"... but I was flipping through a mail-order catalog last night and encountered THIS:

Black Knight Action Figure

I'm VERY tempted................!

The Black Knight - my hero.

He showed no pain and just kept on fighting.

My favourite line:

"Oh, I see, running away, eh?! You yellow bar stewards! Come back here and take what's comin' to ya! I'll bite your legs off!"

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Quasimodo, the demented bell ringer of Notre Dame, put an ad in the papers for a assistant bell ringer. One man applied for the job but he had no arms.

"How are you going to assist me?" asked Quasimodo.

"That's easy!" replied the man and he ran at the bell and banged it with his head.

BONG!

"That's amazing!" said Quasimodo. "Could you show me that again?"

"Sure!" said the man and he ran at the bell again but he missed the swinging bell and fell out of the bell tower. A crowd huddled around the hapless man lying in the street and a police office asked, "Does anyone know who he is?"

Quasimodo came out and said...

"I DON'T KNOW HIS NAME, BUT HIS FACE SURE RINGS A BELL!"

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He then advertised the job again and hired the brother of the first assistant.

Exactly the same thing happened and when asked Quasimodo said....

"He's a dead ringer for his brother!!"

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He then advertised the job again and hired the brother of the first assistant.

Exactly the same thing happened and when asked Quasimodo said....

"He's a dead ringer for his brother!!"

There goes my punch line :P

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OOps :unsure: ............ :lol: :lol:

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:) :D :P :unsure::rolleyes: :) :D :P

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OOps :rolleyes: ............ :lol: :lol:

Quad amp rests at the door of a house of ilrepute and rings the bell. Lady fo the evening comes to the door and asks how she can assist him. He replys I want one of them there girlies. She says but what do u expect to do with one of those girlies?? He replied I rang the bell didn't I lol. :unsure: :P

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OOps :blink: ............ :lol: :lol:

Quad amp rests at the door of a house of ilrepute and rings the bell. Lady fo the evening comes to the door and asks how she can assist him. He replys I want one of them there girlies. She says but what do u expect to do with one of those girlies?? He replied I rang the bell didn't I lol. :rolleyes: :P

:D :D

While we're on the subject:

A man goes to visit his 95-year-old granddad in hospital.

"How are you Grandpa?" he asks.

"Fine," says the old man.

"What's the food like?"

"Terrific, wonderful menus."

"And the nursing?"

"Just couldn't be better. These young nurses really take care of you."

"What about sleeping? Do you sleep OK?"

"No problem at all. At 10 every night, they bring me a cup of hot chocolate and a Viagra tablet, and that's it. I go out like a light."

The grandson is a little alarmed and goes to the head nurse.

"I'm told you're giving a 95-year-old man Viagra with his cocoa on a daily basis."

"Oh, yes," replies the nurse. "It works wonderfully well. The cocoa makes him sleep, and the Viagra stops him from rolling out of bed."

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:lol: :lol: :lol:

Love the avatar Sparky :P ....I wouldn't do that..honest......maybe :rolleyes:

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