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Heather Mills - Amputee Forum
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mtman

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I haven’t posted in a while so I thought I’d vent a little. I doubt if any of you remember me but this was my first post.

http://www.heathermillsmccartney.com/forum...ic=3004&hl=

Since then I have had my sub-taylor fused six months ago. Still did not work and I still have pain and now have to walk with my foot almost dragging to the side like Quasimodo. My surgeon is talking about an ankle replacement. I won’t do it. I’ve already been a guinea pig for the distraction and that didn’t help. Also, as an active guy I would either destroy the fake ankle or condemn myself to a sedentary lifestyle which would kill me.

So three surgeries this last year and a half and it is worse than when I started. Ya hindsight is twenty-twenty but...? Getting a surgeon to understand that an amputation could be a good thing is like pulling teeth.

I don’t suffer from the physiological disorder in which people want an amputation to feel complete (Apotemnophilia). I want one to be pain free (yes, I’m aware of phantom pains but figure it can’t be any worse than I am dealing with now and at least I can walk normal again) and to be active again.

I’m afraid I have thought of and researched ways of doing it myself. A dangerous and stupid idea I know but sometimes desperate people do desperate things in desperate times.

I’ve not worked since my first surgery in May of 2005. My career as a plumber is over and I can’t get hired on anywhere else because I made too much money (yes, a good problem) as a plumber and I guess they think I’ll go back to it. I’ve sent many resumes and have had one phone interview. I’ve decided to try to do my hobby of photography as a profession.

I especially feel bad because of my wife having to hold the fort financially.

It’s not easy to lose half your income. We’ve made many changes indeed.

We’ve also added another child to our household with our niece living with us too.

Sorry if I look like a whining baby here. It is really not like me. I’m usually a grin a bear it type of guy but my grin has turned upside down and that bear thing sucks.

Thanks for listening to my rant.

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Hi there - sorry to hear that you are still battling, and now even worse than before.

If you've researched ways to injure yourself in order to lose the leg, then you will also know that the shock of doing it can kill you, never mind the infection.

You will probably also then be familiar with the highly publicised story of a French lady who tried to get a self inflicted amputation. They left her in absolute agony with a dead leg for months, refusing to amputate because she was a wannabe. She nearly died while they sent her from pillar to post, with nobody wanting to make the final decision. I bet all the medical establishments world wide know about this and they'll probably treat you the same.

But then I'm probably telling you something you already know.....

How many surgeons have you visited? There has to be someone out there who will work through this thing with you. A lot of surgeons consider amputation a last resort, and a failure on their part to "fix" you. But surely someone has to sit down with you and consider your options, and realistically decide to do whatever it takes to get your life back on track.

I wish you all the best....don't give up trying to get your quality of life back.

God bless,

Ally

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I haven’t posted in a while so I thought I’d vent a little. I doubt if any of you remember me but this was my first post.

http://www.heathermillsmccartney.com/forum...ic=3004&hl=

Since then I have had my sub-taylor fused six months ago. Still did not work and I still have pain and now have to walk with my foot almost dragging to the side like Quasimodo. My surgeon is talking about an ankle replacement. I won’t do it. I’ve already been a guinea pig for the distraction and that didn’t help. Also, as an active guy I would either destroy the fake ankle or condemn myself to a sedentary lifestyle which would kill me.

So three surgeries this last year and a half and it is worse than when I started. Ya hindsight is twenty-twenty but...? Getting a surgeon to understand that an amputation could be a good thing is like pulling teeth.

I don’t suffer from the physiological disorder in which people want an amputation to feel complete (Apotemnophilia). I want one to be pain free (yes, I’m aware of phantom pains but figure it can’t be any worse than I am dealing with now and at least I can walk normal again) and to be active again.

I’m afraid I have thought of and researched ways of doing it myself. A dangerous and stupid idea I know but sometimes desperate people do desperate things in desperate times.

I’ve not worked since my first surgery in May of 2005. My career as a plumber is over and I can’t get hired on anywhere else because I made too much money (yes, a good problem) as a plumber and I guess they think I’ll go back to it. I’ve sent many resumes and have had one phone interview. I’ve decided to try to do my hobby of photography as a profession.

I especially feel bad because of my wife having to hold the fort financially.

It’s not easy to lose half your income. We’ve made many changes indeed.

We’ve also added another child to our household with our niece living with us too.

Sorry if I look like a whining baby here. It is really not like me. I’m usually a grin a bear it type of guy but my grin has turned upside down and that bear thing sucks.

Thanks for listening to my rant.

Listening is what we are here for. You are in my prayers. Keep us posted. There has to be a sugeon out there sho understands what you are going thru.

JudyH

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My original surgeon, Dr. Saltzman, may understand since he’s is one of the authors of a study that showed that people who got an amputation for pain were over all happier http://www.ejbjs.org/cgi/content/abstract/83/10/1479. He is a world known surgeon but also a thousand miles from me now. He just happens to have an Ertl trained surgeon working for him too. My current surgeon knows of his reputation and has meet him once, right before my surgeon meet me. My current surgeon also knows my feelings on amputation but is one of those that deems it a failure on his part. Pride sometimes gets in the way of common sense.

Getting anyone to understand that I am NOT a “wannabe” is probably a different problem (I never even heard of such a thing until recently- kinda weird if you ask me). Believe me, my foot and I have had many good times together and I’d hate to see him part but he’s not keeping up with me and I refuse to slow down yet. I’ll do that when I’m six feet under.

I’m sure you all think I’m crazy because I want to lose what you want back. I won’t do anything dumb because I know the risks and I know what would be the best way to handle this should I come to a drastic decision. Being a former Army Medic gives me certain knowledge of these things and helps me choose the most effective and safe way to handle this.

My wife understands the physical pain I am going through but not the mental anguish. She can’t unless she was in my shoes and thank God she is not. She is supportive of an amputation if that’s what I wanted. She does not know about my thought process on any, “drastic” decision. She doesn’t need that worry on top of all the other worries she has.

Thanks for lending an ear... eyes. I’m really not a mental case just a guy tired of living with pain and a deformed foot. I dream of chasing my six year old daughter again or maybe teaching her to ride a bike. Sorry if I got any of ya down with my negativity.

God Bless

Tony

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I'm so sorry and hope you find a surgeon who can helpyou soon. Mine was an elective amputation as living with the foot I had (seriously deformed) was interfering with my walking - and causing pain - and I am so much better without it.

i know there is a minority who want this for the wrong reasons and unfortunately this does impact on those for whom this is actually a sensible choice.

Sue

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I'm so sorry and hope you find a surgeon who can helpyou soon. Mine was an elective amputation as living with the foot I had (seriously deformed) was interfering with my walking - and causing pain - and I am so much better without it.

i know there is a minority who want this for the wrong reasons and unfortunately this does impact on those for whom this is actually a sensible choice.

Sue

Thank you Sue. Up until your post I had the felling that those here think I am a wannabe. I’ve had many views on my postings but not many who responded which was rather discouraging. I guess there is no way to connivence people that I am not who they think I am. Looking at it from their perspective I too may be suspect at first.

It’s a daunting decision that I am not taking lightly. It sounds like you may know more of what is going on in my head than the rest here. Living with the pain and walking with the foot out to the side just trying to find the most comfortable spot to walk on can be very frustrating. Also the knowledge that I’m going to have to endure many more surgeries in the coming years is not something I look forward to. I’ve spent the last two summers either distracted or casted.

Thank you for your encouraging words.

I am not sure that I will be back to this site because I have the image in peoples head of a wannabe and I’ll never have the respect that I deserve. All I was looking for was a little empathy from others who have experienced similar problems but I think my candidness has thwarted that.

Good luck to all and God Bless.

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Please don't think that those of us who didn't respond don't have empathy for you or think you're a wannabe. I haven't been where you are so how can I offer a knowledgeable opinion? I do have empathy for you. I imagine having a foot that's painful and doesn't work properly is a royal pain. There are others here who have elected to have their painful/useless limb amputated and for them it was the right choice. RozM has many postings beginning from when she was making the decision to amputate to post amputation and then some. Very interesting reading. You might find these helpful. Best of luck to you.

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Guest bearlover

Mtman that really stiks about your foot..My thought are with you..Iam so sorry you have to endure such pain and added strss..

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I’ve read over what I have said and maybe I’m being ultra sensitive here. I just don’t want to be perceived as a wannabe. After reading Roz’s story I did realize that others are/have anguished with the same decisions that I’m dealing with.

If I came across as a jerk, which I did, I apologize . I sure didn’t intend it that way and am really a sweet loving guy. :D

With that over I have to admit something you all will probably laugh at. For the longest time I had wondered who this Heather Mills McCartney was. Okay, you can stop laughing now. :lol: I was never aware that she was an amputee and I really don’t follow the music scene. I just enjoy the music without all the indebt insides to it. Okay, you can stop laughing now... really. :lol:

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Guest bearlover

It's ok....We all rant and rave from time to time..We just need to vent sometimes...As far as Heather Mills McCartney ?? Who lifted the rock for you :lol: :lol: and when did you climb out? :lol: :lol: :) :P Only kidding!!

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:( Tony, I really am sorry for the condition you are in. I have just read your post & I for one never once thought you were one of those weirdo's. Please just keep trying to get your surgeon listen to you & keep telling him how much pain you are in. Also what a hard time you have walking with your foot & ankle the way it is.

I didn't have a choice about my amputation....and I am glad I didn't, as I don't know if I am strong enough to actually make that decision. :rolleyes::angry:

Hang in there and keep posting as we will be here to help in any way we can.

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People will think what - people will think. They may not show their empathy your way, but knowing this group, they will show it their way - and in full force. If there were any doubts, trust me, someone would have spoke up by now - and will in the future if they arise.

Only you.....the same as I, truly know whether you belong here or not. If you are sincere, and do belong then stick it out and show it, and I gaurantee that you will be accepeted. I don't start out doubting people who come on here - unless they give me reason to do so, which believe it or not is actually rare.

My advice - which I rarely give - is to Join in. Everyone that comes on here plays to a tough audience, that is more than willing to accept everyone on face value.....until they give them reason not to.

We have an old saying over here in America. You can fool some of the people all of the time, and all of the people, some of the time, but you can't fool all of the people all of the time.

It all eventually comes out in the wash.

I seen no reason to doubt you. Don't doubt yourself.

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It's ok....We all rant and rave from time to time..We just need to vent sometimes...As far as Heather Mills McCartney ?? Who lifted the rock for you :lol: :lol: and when did you climb out? :lol: :lol: :) :P Only kidding!!

Ya, ya. I know. That rock was heavy but I managed to get it off. :D Hey, we don't even have cable TV. The only channel we get is NBC and it's rarely on. I either listen to my Ipod or the radio.

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