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Heather Mills - Amputee Forum
LauraG

Dating

Is or was (deference to the married people here) dating more difficult now than before your amputation?  

51 members have voted

  1. 1. Is or was (deference to the married people here) dating more difficult now than before your amputation?

    • Dating still exists??
      10
    • Much more difficult
      13
    • A bit more difficult
      5
    • No difference
      14
    • Easier
      3


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I just wanted to share that I am engaged and will be getting married in July. I met a wonderful guy on match.com who could care less about my leg, or lack there of. Yes, there are people out there that look at the inside, they just don't seem to be in the majority.

I was married for 20 years and then divorced for one before I had my amputation, so "getting out there" was not easy. I mainly went online just to see if I could meet someone to go to hockey games and do fun stuff with. Life sure has a funny way of working out.

caroln

Congratulations Carol!!!! smile.gif

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That's wonderful news, Carol! :biggrin:

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I would rather not do this, but unfortunately the wedding isn't going to take place. My fiance' decided that he doesn't want to get married. Not a fun time, but better now than after the wedding. I didn't think I'd be going through something like this at the age of 50.

This past year has been something else. I had the swine flu which led to pneumonia; was rushed to the hospital and came close to dying. I had a number of strange infections and leg issues. I missed so much work that I ended up going really in the hole financially. And then now this. Well, they say whatever doesn't kill you makes you stronger. It doesn't really help at all right now, but I'll survive. I'm a tough chick.

caroln

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I would rather not do this, but unfortunately the wedding isn't going to take place. My fiance' decided that he doesn't want to get married. Not a fun time, but better now than after the wedding. I didn't think I'd be going through something like this at the age of 50.

This past year has been something else. I had the swine flu which led to pneumonia; was rushed to the hospital and came close to dying. I had a number of strange infections and leg issues. I missed so much work that I ended up going really in the hole financially. And then now this. Well, they say whatever doesn't kill you makes you stronger. It doesn't really help at all right now, but I'll survive. I'm a tough chick.

caroln

Yes carolin, I am certainly glad you found out now...I am sure it would have been far worse if after you married. You know Lady, you are a tough chick. Hang in there. :wink:

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Hi there to everyone here. I live in the UK, in Wales. I have been an amputee for two years, im single an in my forties. I must admit I am finding it much more difficult to meet someone. I did join a dating site, but had a pretty bad experience when a women emailed me, however I was a bit slow in replying ( I was in Hospital) anyway as a result she wrote again saing blimey I cant even pull a one legged man, people did say dont worry she has the problem etc, but to be honest even though i am happy within and about myself it did hurt.

I really would like to meet someone, dont get me wrong im not obsessed with finding someone.............but it would be nice if the right person came along, but as someone else said, she isnt going to come and knock on my door lol.

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I did join a dating site, but had a pretty bad experience when a women emailed me, however I was a bit slow in replying ( I was in Hospital) anyway as a result she wrote again saing blimey I cant even pull a one legged man, people did say dont worry she has the problem etc, but to be honest even though i am happy within and about myself it did hurt.

How tactless! :ohmy: I'm not surprised you were hurt.

And, yes, your friends are right ... she is the one with the problem. :smile:

If it's any help? I think we all get that type of behaviour to a greater or lesser degree. I've grown up with my amps and I'm happy with who I am. However, I've noticed how some blokes will be 'all smiley' whilst I'm driving my car ... then, when I get out and walk away with my crutch they act as though I don't exist. :wacko: You're right, when it happens it does smack a bit :blink: , but you've just got to remember they're being small minded ... that, if they were in your situation they probably wouldn't cope as well ... and do you really want to be stuck with someone as shallow as that? :wink:

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Lizzie, thanks for the message reply, You are right. With regards to the amputation, i tend to write my profile ( on dating sites) mentioning my amputaion, so people are aware of it, and can decide if they want to contact me rather than mention it after. I suppose its about adjustment.

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I was lucky....I had the intentions of telling my b`friend when we first met, but just couldn`t come to tell him. I had more then just telling him I had a partial right foot. I had to tell him I am not working, I have pain, and I am heading towards a bka. I told him 2 days later but it was by MSN. I told him everything. Although I didn`t know him that well yet, I was scared,but he surprised me and said `I want to come over and give you a hug.` He didn`t because we lived an hour away.LOL.... We have been together ever sense. It`s been almost a year and we live together. He has been amazing with my situation, and always there for me. Even though I am going through this pain, and going to be having a bka, I am very grateful for all that I have and that God has sent me an angel.

I know men like this are hard to find but they are out there. I have never had a bad experience with men because of my amputation.

Don`t give up, and if you meet someone who is not understanding then you don`t want to be with them anyways!

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I was lucky....I had the intentions of telling my b`friend when we first met, but just couldn`t come to tell him. I had more then just telling him I had a partial right foot. I had to tell him I am not working, I have pain, and I am heading towards a bka. I told him 2 days but it was by MSN. I told him everything. Although I didn`t know him that well yet, I was scared,but he surprised me and said `I want to come over and give you a hug.` He didn`t because we lived an hour away.LOL.... We have been together ever sense. It`s been almost a year and we live together. He has been amazing with my situation, and always there for me. Even though I am going through this pain, and going to be having a bka, I am very grateful for all that I have and that God has sent me an angel.

Ahhh ... that's really sweet! :wub:

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I think there are times too when people are just asses and it has nothing to do with the fact that we are amputees. Rejection hurts no matter what the reason and many of us tend to go to the amputee thing automatically instead of just realizing that there are stupid people out there. Of course I'm a bit bitter still but I know it was nothing having to do with me, just a 50 yr old guy who was acting like a dopey teenager. It is his loss and the day will come when he regrets his decision. Will LOVE that day!!

caroln

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Hi Carol....hope you`re doing well. There are men out there that have their own problems, and it has nothing to do with us. I was in a relationship in the past and it just didn`t work out, had nothing to do with me or my amputation.

I wish you all the best!

Mary

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Only recently became an amputee, haven't dated since the accident but would like to think that people can see past my amputation and take me for who I am I would like to go on a date again soon though, have to see what the future holds :) xx

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Only recently became an amputee, haven't dated since the accident but would like to think that people can see past my amputation and take me for who I am I would like to go on a date again soon though, have to see what the future holds :) xx

Rachel,I completely agree with you that people take you for who you are and not for your fisical appearance.

Joachim

LAK + LAE

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Hello, everyone. Just thought I'd check in to say that I am doing great. Well, I'm having trouble with my prosthesis, but other than that, life is good. I agree that there are guys (and girls as well) that look beyond the physical. I have grown a lot during this whole mess, which is a good thing. I realized that I have spent way too much time on the sidelines and not enjoying my life as I should have been.

Once he broke off the engagement, I decided that I could either eat, drink, buy a gun, or excercise. To my credit, I chose exercise. So, since July I have lost 40 pounds and feel stronger and more in control than I have in years. I recently went back on match.com, not for the romance right now but for friends to do things with and just see what happens. I have met some very nice people and am thoroughly enjoying my life.

So, thanks for all the nice thoughts from everyone and yes, there are a lot of great people in the world who could care less what limbs or body parts are missing and are just concerned with the inside. I, for one, could care less about the others who do care. Life is way too short to worry about them!

carol

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Looks like dating again hasn't taken long to happen at all :D I met this really hot Bulgarian girl at the laundrette today and we're meeting for coffee in a few weeks after she comes back from visiting home. She didn't mind my leg at all and said that she admired my honesty and my approach to dealing with overcoming my loss. :P xx

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That was a great post, Carol. How awesome that you have lost 40 pounds! That's quite an accomplishment and you should be very proud of yourself. You know what they say... "living well is the best revenge". Go get 'em, girl. :smile:

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This is a little late but it was very scary for me. As some of you know my husband of 43 years died in July of 2005 and I lost my right leg in November of 2005. Double whammy. I got my first leg in Jan 2006. In February 2007 I decided that I did not want to be alone for the rest of my life. I paid for one month of Eharmony and I met a wonderful man. We were both up front about our disabilities. Bob was going blind and a life long diabetic. I mentioned my amputation. We answered 28 of the 29 questions exactly the same. B ob was also the only man who replied that was not concerned about body type. Neither of us will ever b e mistaken for

twiggy. We have been together ever since. We cannot marry or I will lose my Social Security but we had a commitment ceremony with a minister. I figure we are married before God and I edon't really care what the state thinks. I will be changing my name. I guess I was very lucky and I have never been happier in my life.

JudyH

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All the best to you and Bob, Judy!

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Great to hear from you, Judy. I'm happy things are good for you and Bob. Don't be a stranger!

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I would love to get married and have children but find those in the Indian community will not accept a disabled woman at all. I have had some dates with white guys at university but no more than that.

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