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Heather Mills - Amputee Forum
Gil Davis

No Pun Intended

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I tried to bring a deer carcass on the plane, but they told me I had to check my carrion.

My daughter told me about a beautiful white bear she saw at the zoo, but it scared her too. One minute it was really friendly and the next it was charging angrily at everything in sight. Then the zoo keeper explained that it was a bi-polar bear. (My 12 year old made that one up, by the way. I'm so proud!)

She also told me about the dyslexic zoo keeper who only fed the elephants 3 peanuts because "elephants never get four." (Say it out loud, it works.)

My roommate was in the hospital for an extended time and ran out of underwear. She asked me to pick some up for her, nothing fancy, the 3-for-a-dollar kind would be fine. I had to work late that night so I told her I would be there the following day. I showed up and apologized for being a day late with her dollar shorts. (True story, by the way.)

I always pondered this as well: The U.S. moniker "dollar" was a variation of the Austrian "Thaler" (pronounced "taller"). I thought it would be cool if we had kept the name and if we were out of money we would be "Thaler short."

Finally, my friend had a Volkswagen Rabbit convertible. His license plate frame read "Happiness is the wind in my hare"

Done for now. Thank you. I'm here all week. Be sure to tip the serving staff.

Blame it on Gil.


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You say to a guy, "How are ya?" He says, "Fine and dandy."

Not me. I never say that. You know why? because I'm never both those things at the same time.

Sometimes I'm fine. But I'm not dandy. I might be close to dandy. I might be approaching dandy. I might even be in the general vicinity of dandyhood. But not quite fully dandy.

Other times, I might indeed be highly dandy. However, not fine. One time, 1978. August. For about an hour. I was both fine and dandy at the same time. But nobody asked me how I was. I coulda told 'em, "Fine and dandy!" I consider it a lost opportunity. :blink::blink::ph34r:

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