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lisa

Issues with my weight

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HI Everyone

Alot of you will probably think I am stressing and getting upset over something really trivial. I wish I could see it as being trivial. Since my amputation I put on just over 2 stone. I have been going to slimming world since August and have lost just over 1 stone and 15.5 inchs. I know that I have achieved alot but that doesn't make me feel any better. I have become so obsessed with food and the way I look that I am not functioning correctly. When I look at my slimming world record everything went downhill as it approached my 1 year anniversary. It is so important for me to be the same weight as I was so then when I look at myself in the mirror I look like the same person. I have always had a bad body image but at least when I was slim I knew that I was being irrational. I suppose I would say I was chubby now and I just hate it. I know I am not helping myself as I haven't been to the gym for ages. I need motivating! I only really have my friend Corrina to talk to about this as I think everyone else just thinks that I will get there in the end. I know I will get there eventually but I am so angry that I am the one who continues to suffer. I suppose it all balls down to the fact that I thought that when it came to my 1 year anniversary that I would be back to my normal size and because I'm not I don't know how to handle it.

Thanks

Lisa

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Hi Lisa, youre not on your with the weight thing abet most of us have put on extra since being a amputee , it could be just your activity levels or medicine if on any ,,can put weight on you,, i know its hard try not to think about it to much Happy mind Happy body keeps y our chin up chuck its not all bad your the sameperson inside lol :P Im a right Little porker but im happy lol hehehe

Paulxxx

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Hi Paul

Cheers for that! I know I am my own worst enemy. I seem to go in a vicious circle. I was a take-away fiend and loved chocolate and cream cakes. The thing is because I'm not as active as I was in order for me to lose any weight on slimming world I have to be so strict with myself. Then I become so obsessed with the foods I love and then I go over the top and just scoff everything in sight. It's so difficult going out for meals when everyone else is really enjoying chocolate puddings and I'm just sat there. I can't ration myself it's all or nothing with me. I think the fact that my body isn't in proportion doesn't help, my stomach expanded two sizes bigger than my hips. This area and the tops of my legs are disgusting. I think that if I was happy with my body shape I could come to terms with the fact that my stump will always look as it does. It looks worse because as a result of the accident I lost all the skin and fat upto my thigh, that where my fat starts it hangs over. I know that I think the thinner I get the less noticeable the difference will be and I am probably up for another set back. I am supposed to be covering my body image with my psychologist and I am hoping this will help. I suppose that I am still extremely angry about my accident and all the repercussion that have come with it. All the things I took for granted have been taken away from me and I can't cope with it.

Lisa

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Hi Lisa, I know right now it must seem as if there is no light at the end of the tunnel but it will get better with time. A year is actually not a very long time at all to have expected to get over such a major change in your life but I realise that if you are impatient like me it must seem an eternity!!

I'm sure the counselling will help in the long time and that you will achieve your weight loss you just need to hang on in there - and come to this forum for support whenever you need to.

Sending {{{HUGS}}}.

Sue

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HI Everyone

Alot of you will probably think I am stressing and getting upset over something really trivial. I wish I could see it as being trivial. Since my amputation I put on just over 2 stone. I have been going to slimming world since August and have lost just over 1 stone and 15.5 inchs. I know that I have achieved alot but that doesn't make me feel any better. I have become so obsessed with food and the way I look that I am not functioning correctly. When I look at my slimming world record everything went downhill as it approached my 1 year anniversary. It is so important for me to be the same weight as I was so then when I look at myself in the mirror I look like the same person. I have always had a bad body image but at least when I was slim I knew that I was being irrational. I suppose I would say I was chubby now and I just hate it. I know I am not helping myself as I haven't been to the gym for ages. I need motivating! I only really have my friend Corrina to talk to about this as I think everyone else just thinks that I will get there in the end. I know I will get there eventually but I am so angry that I am the one who continues to suffer. I suppose it all balls down to the fact that I thought that when it came to my 1 year anniversary that I would be back to my normal size and because I'm not I don't know how to handle it.

Thanks

Lisa

Ok now I am not sure what to say only I feel were you are coming from except this is me. I have always been very big except after chemo 6 years ago. Of course that all came back.

The day of the accident I was at 206 lbs (I am sorry I do not know what a stone is) when I was released from the hospital I was 167 and I am down to about 135. I do not ever remember weighting this not even in middle school and I look in the mirror and am totaly grossed out. What the heck is up with that? I bought a pair of size 2 jeans and they are too big. I have not had a great image growing up or being an adult I always knew that living with my family and the majority and no kidding look like movie stars that I better get an education cause looks were not gonna cut it with me and I accepted that after being called the fat little dutch boy by my uncles and the list goes on. What is up with his wierdness now? I look in the mirror and I still see the size XXL person in the shirt and size 4 levi fall off my butt? I would have killed for this weight before I lost my leg. (not really killed but you know what I mean)

Now the only thing I think about now is at least the weight is off cause I can not imagine carrying that 206 on a prostetic leg after almost a year of really no use from my left side.

I guess the weird part is I don't talk about it and nobody around me says anything. Like when my sister-in-law lost 40 lbs everybody was you look great you look good and I just realized my family really does not hold eye contact with me. Wow that is a really sucky realization. I mean as I am typing this I finaly get what the hell is so differnt even with Mark. They don't notice cause they don't really look at me.

Ok that sucked.

Sorry I could not be of more help. But I just came to an ugly realization about what has been so differnt around me.

Skully Cat

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Hey Lisa.

I've put on a stone since I got back from Kiev. It's definitely because I'm not exercising enough. I have to take myself back to the gym and endure those baleful looks of the instructors there because I haven't been for ages. Hopefully I'll be getting my swimming & golf legs this summer so that I can get some more interesting exercises. The gym is so bloody sould destroying!

I will drag my huge corpulent carcass up the M1 this summer to Derby so that you can have a look at me, realise that there's someone far worse than you and have a good laugh!

Take care

Fatso - sorry FALSTAFF

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Lisa and Skully, I think I understand what both of you are dealing with, body-image wise... it may not be the specifics of what you weigh or look like at all, but simply that you look different now. It's a reminder that your LIFE is different now, and all you really want is for life to be "the same as it was."

The body-image thing works both ways, Skully... I'm more in tune with where you're coming from than with Lisa, as I've always been a big, tall gal who varied from "a little plump" to "downright heavyset." Several years ago, I actually got caught up in the "weight loos game" and wound up, briefly, THIN. Too thin for my height and build, actually, but I looked good in the styles of the day.

I realized one day, when I encountered my reflection in a store mirror and excused myself for getting in my own way, that I couldn't accept that thin person as ME. I didn't believe it was me... it didn't fit my image of myself.

Because of how both of you came to have a weight change, not only doesn't the "new you" look like you, it's a reminder of your accidents. That maked it pretty traumatic, no matter which way the weight has gone. It may even explain the reactions you're seeing in your family and friends, Skully: they're still reluctant to "look" because they don't want to think about what happened.

Lisa, I know that a year sounds like a long time. I had the same sort of thoughts that "everything will be back to normal" within one year. SOME things WERE back to normal for me... but some weren't, and it got me down. Try to remind yourself that your BODY does not work according to a calendar or time clock... it works according to its needs. Some things just may need a little extra time.

You both sound like you're determined to have a "normal" life back, and that will do you well in the long run. While you're "getting there," though, try and cut yourself -- and your family -- a little slack. As long as you're making progress, it's a good thing!

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Hi Lisa

I have gained weight by being on birth control, but I get where your coming from, I do not see myself the way I did before my amputation, and sometimes it gets to me, because I try to excercise, and it doesnt help. The side effect is increased appetite and yes I do eat considerably more than I would in normal situations, but still the issue is self worth, and I have so much problems but I still remember this is where God wants me to be, and I am happy and working on staying happy. Well Girl I thank you for letting us know how you feel because I think we all feel a little bit of what you are going through in many different ways....

If you ever need to talk PM me anytime.

Lesley

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Hi Cheryl

You are spot on when you say that it is a reminder of what has happened. My family never said a word to me about my weight gain because they didn't want to hurt my feelings, until one day when my Dad told me straight! I was extremely upset but that did push me to lose weight. I know that I am nowhere near as gross as what I think I am. I was still squeezing into my normal clothes but wearing only the elasticated ones. I went up three dress sizes on my top and bottom and 5 sizes on my waist. The whole size zero doesn't bother me but I just want to be a size 10. I'm not sure what size that is in America. Hopefully I am back on track now. I want to lose another 12lb and I should be at my target weight. I'm just sooooooo very impatient.

Lisa

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Hi Lisa,

I’m not quite sure where im going with this post, but I feel that I have to say something,

ok I’m a guy,(so I’m told) :lol: and we as a rule don’t have this body image “thingy” that you girls have .

I don’t know what my weight was before my amputation and I don’t know what my weight is now, but what I do know is on my waist size I used to be a 32 “ and now I wear a 36” waist.

I have tried different diets, and am very careful of what I eat but its still a 36” no matter how hard I breathe in. :(

The reason I would like to drop a few inches / weight is simply so I don’t have to lug it all around so much.

As for exercise , I read somewhere that amps use far more energy than two legers & believe me no one can do more or push there bounders more than what I do but do I drop a size ??? Do I heck! :angry::angry: I should be like a rake! So what’s the answer I really wish I knew? <_<

As for my expansion, the only person who comments about it is my 18 year son mark who regularly comes out with something like (jokingly): fat boy, porky, Mr Sumo can I have your jeans coz there’s no way in hell that you can fit in them, or some comment like dad I might as well have that black shirt coz all you will do is pop the buttons if you try to get it on. He has slowly emptied my wardrobe of all my good cloths (when I say good I mean one with the right “labels”) the other cloths that don’t fit have been slowly taken away & ditched by Yvonne without making a big deal about it.

Its not until I read your post that I even thought about it, I guess she is still trying to change things without me knowing, I don’t mean that in a bad way, its just she knows that if I tried to get into my old favourite jeans and couldn’t I would feel a bit down so she slowly and quietly gets rid of them and replaces them with ones that do fit. What a girl!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!Eh. :D :D

I think that we would all like to get back to where we were before our amps, and different things come back to remind us that it just isn’t going to happen, with you it might be the weight issue, with me its when I walk along the beach I just cant help but think back to kicking off my trainers and running miles along the beach, or soaring up into the sky with my hand glider strapped to my back sighhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. It’s not going to happen.

But after seeing that picture of that cake that you made im not surprised that you are having problems with food, if it tasted half as good as it looked I would have eaten it there and then, you are really fortunate to have a talent like that, I wish that I could “create” something like that from nothing, well Ive totally lost the plot now so I will go,………………………take care ……………………Mick

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Hey Lisa,

Total empathy :)

I have put on weight in the two years since my amputation, I always put it down to lack of exercise as my diet is pretty healthy. I blamed the fact that I sat in a wheelchair for most of the last two years, I didn't use a prosthesis until two weeks ago!

In the last three months I have made a great effort to exercise, I swim 40 lengths five days a week, guess what?.............I haven't so much as lost 1lb in weight :o

To say that I'm fed up is an understatement. I'm sure it's something to do with the gabbapentin I take for phantom pain.

You are doing really well....at least yours is coming off.........keep going, you will get there.

Lynne x

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I, too, put on weight after my amp. I was on huge doses of prednisone and, take it from me, that will do it big time. When I saw pictures of myself, I couldn't believe it was me. I'd look in the mirrow and wonder who that person was. Slowly but surely the prednisone was reduced and about a month ago it was discontinued.

Anyway, last summer I decided I HAD to do something about the weight and I decided on Weight Watchers. It worked really well for me. By this January, I had lost 25 lbs (I think that's somewhere around 2 stone) and I feel so much better about myself.

I understand where you're coming from, Lisa. It's like it's just too much to lose your leg (body image issue) and then put on weight (another body image issue). It's been a little over 3 yrs since my amp and I'm way better than I was at a year. I know you're sick of hearing it, but time really does makes a difference.

I think, for me, meeting my weight loss goal made me feel that I could do anything.

Good luck, girl. I'll be cheering for you.

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IIT”S TEMPTING YOU ISN”T IT, THAT “POST REPLY” BUTTON….BUT BEFORE YOU PRESS IT, ASK YOURSELF THIS: “AM I TALKING OUT OF MY ARSE?”

Lisa & Mick,

Mick thanks for the reminder.

Lisa if I hurt your feelings I truely did not mean to. As I read what you were saying I really could relate in just a different way. I did not say what I did to make you feel worse and I realize what I read and it might make me feel bad. I don't know I was thinking and writing at the same time and I should have asked would it help you or me and you asked the question.

Sorry really.

Skully Cat

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Hi Skully

You didn't hurt my fellings at all. I know that with me alot of it is psychological and its is the way I perceive myself. I just wish I was either happy with myself or the weight would come off. My Doctor has told me that gabapentin can cause weight gain so it's a catch 22 to stop taking them and be in more pain than I am but lose weight and I can't do it.

I was proud of myself last night though as I went in the search of chocolate when everyone was alseep and did find some but in the end I decided on something more healthy and boring. The thing that I have a problem is that I shouldn't have to go without and really just need a kick start to get me back on track.

Thanks

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Lisa,

You are wise to know that you are an "all-or-nothing" eater. You do not set yourself up to take "one bite" and blow it, thus compounding the guilt. It took awhile to put on the weight. Be patient with yourself in taking it off. It is understandable to be "consumed" by food awareness. The messages are all around us, and they are not consistent: "Super Size EVERYTHING!" but look like an unnaturally shaped mega star too.

BULL!

I have no idea what you look like, yet when I read your posts and see your truly breathatking creative side I feel a beautiful woman is there. That you have stayed with your weight loss regime is awesome!

As Skully and Cheryl have pointed out, unless you are true to your heart, the rest will never seem right. Be true to your heart and the rest follows. This is not an excuse to give up keeping yourself healthy. Rather, it is permission to let yourself shine.

Those with more relevant experience have beaten the same drum: a year is too soon to judge progress. Look at your other accomplishments and take in the whole picture.

I get the sense that you are too stubborn to let yourself down. Please do not be so stubborn that you forget to pick yourself up too.

Maryl

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I have been going to slimming world since August and have lost just over 1 stone and 15.5 inchs.

Lisa

That is quite an achievement. I know you want it to go faster and last longer.

I can relate something that happened to me. When they let me regain consciousness in the burn ward I looked at my arms and they looked like the Auschwitz survivors you may have seen in old newscasts. I had gone in there weighing about 230 (a bit over 16 stone) I clearly remember being weighed and the nurse writing down 111 (just shy of 8 stone). I was offered fortified shakes and ate any and everything presented to me. I weighed 174 (12 stone) when released.

Exercise is the key. At least for me.

There has been a lot said in this thread about "body image". In my opinion, if your body image is too far removed from your physical type you're bound to be unhappy. The only way to resolve this is to get some assistance in being a bit more accepting of where you are.

You mentioned losing 15.5 inches, I'm assuming this was your mid-section. There are no good time-tables for these things. There are sooo many variables but it sounds like you're heading in the right direction.

I'll guarantee you, none of you ladies want to look like this!

post-1850-1177892602_thumb.jpg

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Hi Everyone

I am going back to the gym this morning even though I really don't want to! I know that deep down I have to eat healthily AND excercise if I am to lose weight and tone up my extremely wobbly bits. I am hoping to go three times a week. The only excercise I enjoy doing is shopping but I can't afford to be doing that 3 times a week because I'd have no money left. I went off the rails again last night and eat 3 cornettos, a packet of maltesers and a packet of minstrels in one sitting! I have got to get focused and motivated and stop feeling so sorry for myself. I sound like a broken record that even I'm bored of listening to.

Anyway I'm in the zone so better go before I change my mind! Lol

Lisa

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He He that pic so funny Gil :D

No, Paul, it's very, very sad. There are too many people out there that have such a bad body image that they feel they are FAT when they aren't.

Mind you, I don't think this is the case with Lisa. Many of us have gained weight through inactivity, drugs, or a combination of factors. It's a b***h to get it off!

Maybe the following picture will illustrate what I was trying to say in a better fashion.

post-1850-1178133829_thumb.jpg

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HI

I have done really well this week even after my little set back on sunday with all the stuff I scoffed. I have lost 3lb this week so I am so chuffed. I want to lose another 9lb and see what I look like but I know that I need to keep excercising. I have been swimming 3 times this week so hopefully I can keep this up.

Thanks

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Lisa,

Sometimes, I think our amputations can get all turned around in our heads without us even realizing it, and I think that we all try to deal with it the best way we know how.. I was a little surprised when the one year anniversary date reared it's head...

When I got hurt, as bad as it was, for me, that was the point of getting well.. At least to me. I went from being a caregiver to being taken care of. From being the chief farm hand, book keeper, cook,vet, (and bottle washer, as they say, since we were bottle feeding calves at the time) to being the daughter who sat with her dad keeping him company, while hubby done the job of three people. It was so hard to take. In my little brain, I had decided that I would give myself one year, and by the anniversary date, then I would be back up to full steam..... yeah right!! Anyway, long story short, it has taken me almost 4 years to feel "normal" again and any where near healthy. Only in the last year have I felt like I was any where near being back up to speed. And happy. To be what I was, I will never be again, that I have accepted. This body just won't let me do it post accident. The only question I would ask, is, what is truely deep inside you that might be bothering you? Sometimes, those things are a driving force without us even knowing it.

One reminder that I want to add as well... Don't forget that as an amputee, you will build more muscle in your remaining leg, and arms,(from crutches or a wheelchair). It's basic nature. You are now using more muscle in other areas. And muscle weighs more than fat. So if you are closely watching numbers on a scale, you might need to factor that in, especially if a tape measure (or your faavorite clothing) tells you, that you are where you were.

All jokes aside, there is a point to the picture that Gil posted and what we "percieve" our bodies to be.

I'm jealous of you for going to the gym, my body won't let me do that anymore...

Joe, your diet got me to thinking, and I'd never make it. I didn't realize how many vegetables, (especially raw ones) that I eat that are not green or white.... I'm glad it works for you... Is it hard to stay on?

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Joe A. I'm doing the Adkins diet right now. I finally got (mentally) well enough to begin to take care of me. I've lost 15lb in 6 weeks. Not too bad. I'm almost down to my pre-amp weight -- which, btw, was never skinny!

I'll do a search and find out the differences between the Rosedale and Adkins, they sound pretty much the same.

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Joe, Rosedale is probably healthier. I'll check it out. Thanks!

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Are you diabetic as well Joe? I hadn't heard that about the Atkins diet and diabetics though. You always impart such tidbits of information! I'd be up a creek without the fruit. Between that and the fresh veggies, that is a large part of my daily diet..When your life depends on it though,, I know that you can forego anything if you choose to. I've done it myself when I smoked.... decided while having pneumonia that I didn't want to die someday hooked to an oxygen tube like my mother did, so I never smoked another one...Pretty much decided the same thing one night, while doffing my leg, and contemplating taking a short cut to washing my liner.. Kinda decided right there on the spot that if I took that short cut, I would always do it and probably end up with skin/tissue problems later on.. Know that I didn't want to go down that road, so from the get go, it's do it right or not at all!.....

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Hi

I have really increased exercising since I last posted. I had a really bad night last Wednesday when I binged on everything in sight. It wasn't until the next day when I just realised that if I don't start exercising aswell as doing my slimming world I will never lose any weight. I have tried a couple of classes at my gym and found that I could really benefit from yoga. I have been going nearly every day and I hope that all my hardwork will pay off and I can fit in my bikini's. Everyone comments on my weight loss so I'm obviously doing something right. I just need to focus and try and avoid sabotaging what I have taken so long to achieve.

Thanks

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