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lisa

Issues with my weight

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I feel the exact same way Bear.

I don't evenr remember what it was like having a foot. I deveolped Osteomylitis (sp?) and it had to be amputated. It was the doctors fault. The only time I get down is when I go shoe shopping because that is the only thing I can't do. I rarely ever get phantom pain. I am extremley lucky now. It was awful on my mother when I was younger but I don't remember it. I had a tube conected to my heart and my mom had to give me antibiotics every 3 hours.

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Hi

You don't know how much I have tried to help myself. Some of you will have read my posts and seen all the new interests I have started since losing my leg. I have had counselling, cognitive therapy and anti depressants. My therapy has stopped even though he states in his report that I have issues with my body. I don't understand how therapy that has got me so far can stop when there was only this to get me through. I have dealt with so many issues that used to upset me so much and this was the last thing I thought I needed help with. I don't think i would be happy mentally even if I lost all the weight etc, if I have not dealt with my body image psychologically. It's not about my missing leg. It's to do with my body in general, I just don't recognise what I see in the mirror. I have been back in the wheelchair for 8 weeks due to blisters. I have been told due to my skin etc that I will always be wheelchair dependent but I thought it would be the odd day. I am finding out all these complications that come with being an amputee. I suppose I'm worried about further surgery that I may have to have. They are worried about lack of feeling in my stump as the nerves were damaged and possible infection in my bones. I am worried sick about losing my family and that is the last thing I want. My partner Dave has never believed in depression and has always had the "pull yourself together" attitude. Since my accident he has suffered terribly, more so than me in certain aspects. He sticks his head in the sand and I don't want to upset him. I can't understand why I am feeling like this? I have come through the worst of it, so why am I so low? I have to wait and see if more therapy session are authorised and hope they are. If not I'm going to ask my GP to put me on a waiting list for help. I really want to get better, I don't enjoy feeling like this.

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Hi

You don't know how much I have tried to help myself. Some of you will have read my posts and seen all the new interests I have started since losing my leg. I have had counselling, cognitive therapy and anti depressants. My therapy has stopped even though he states in his report that I have issues with my body. I don't understand how therapy that has got me so far can stop when there was only this to get me through. I have dealt with so many issues that used to upset me so much and this was the last thing I thought I needed help with. I don't think i would be happy mentally even if I lost all the weight etc, if I have not dealt with my body image psychologically. It's not about my missing leg. It's to do with my body in general, I just don't recognise what I see in the mirror. I have been back in the wheelchair for 8 weeks due to blisters. I have been told due to my skin etc that I will always be wheelchair dependent but I thought it would be the odd day. I am finding out all these complications that come with being an amputee. I suppose I'm worried about further surgery that I may have to have. They are worried about lack of feeling in my stump as the nerves were damaged and possible infection in my bones. I am worried sick about losing my family and that is the last thing I want. My partner Dave has never believed in depression and has always had the "pull yourself together" attitude. Since my accident he has suffered terribly, more so than me in certain aspects. He sticks his head in the sand and I don't want to upset him. I can't understand why I am feeling like this? I have come through the worst of it, so why am I so low? I have to wait and see if more therapy session are authorised and hope they are. If not I'm going to ask my GP to put me on a waiting list for help. I really want to get better, I don't enjoy feeling like this.

That was the most comprehensive thing I read from you yet. You admit that it really isn't your weight or your leg. That's half the battle -probably more than half. As for Dave (your friend), my suggestion is to quit trying to please him. This is your problem. Either he is going to be there for you or he isn't. I've worked with many alcoholics who others thought that all they had to do was "pull themselves together". When you have an obsession, it controls you and not the other way around. Belive me - I know.

There absolutely are help groups for just what you are feeling. The first thing, is to become friends with yourself. If necessary, forgive yourself. I don't know what for, but for whatever you don't like about yourself. Once you become your own friend, nobody can put you down.

A very close member of my family has a particular problem. I told him that I would be proud to stand next to him anytime. NOT because he has a problem, but because he recognizes it, and still holds his head up and deals with it. He has a tough row to hoe - and always will have, but he's meeting it head on.

I would strongly suggest that you stay close in touch with some of the women on this forum, who have shared your feelings and fears. They are your strength, and I know that they will be there. You may feel like it, but you definitely are not alone.

It took my wife and I 17 years as an amputee to find this group, and I don't join easily. We were all alone until then, with no support groups, or other amputees to share with. I lost my home, contracting business, and was bankrupt by my amputation, (and the 40 some odd operations afterwards, since my insurance was cancelled). We lived in a little camping trailer for a year while I had two inch deep wounds in my groins from the femoral surgeries. I could go on and on, as could everyone else here. We've been there, and between us, do understand - much, if not everything, of what you are going through.

Hang in there, and lean on the ones here willing to help. You've made a lot of friends, and they will be there for you.

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Lisa, I think your last few posts have been particularly insighful... probably hard for you to write, but exactly what you've been needing to say. They give us all a much clearer picture of what's going on in your life.

You know, I really didn't have major problems with depression following my amputation... but I have a lifelong history of dealing with that demon. I've been through serious depressions in my past, and both of my folks also suffered from the condition. It can literally suck you dry; can't it? I truly hope that you have additional therapy sessions authorized... I know that there have been times for me when that was the only thing that got me to the point where I was able to "turn myself around." That is the goal, though... to turn YOURSELF around. It sounds like you're trying to work on that... it also sounds like you may have to convince yourself to take "baby steps" for as long as necessary, and know that slow progress is better than none.

I really know very little about the NHS, but I assume you're doing all you can to appeal for an extension on your therapy? I'd also think (hope!) that having a professional's comments that you are still having body image problems would be a point in your favor. In the meantime, what are your chances of finding other means of support from a doctor, a pastor, a support group, a trusted friend.... whatever might be available in your area? During one long, trying spell of foot problems, I found tremendous support from the women in my embroidery class... you never know when or where a connection might be made.

Take care... and continue to reach out here. We may not know everything you're experiencing, but among us all, we've been through quite a lot!

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Guest bearlover
I feel the exact same way Bear.

I don't evenr remember what it was like having a foot. I deveolped Osteomylitis (sp?) and it had to be amputated. It was the doctors fault. The only time I get down is when I go shoe shopping because that is the only thing I can't do. I rarely ever get phantom pain. I am extremley lucky now. It was awful on my mother when I was younger but I don't remember it. I had a tube conected to my heart and my mom had to give me antibiotics every 3 hours.

Dr's suggested amputauon as a infant and child..My parents freaked and found doctors woh tried to save my leg...In the long run I would have been much better off. I would have no pian today becasue of all the operations I went through and my stump would be stronger. bones were taken fome both hips at different ages once at age 8 and again at age 13. to put into my leg in hopes it would mend..It took 4 years to mend. Then it broke all over again. It is like a afragile bone what I had. It breaks just doing nothing and mine did and I was in a cast for another 3.5 yeras..Needless to say my feet were 4 size differences! and the leg was painful, deformed, scared, and twisted..Not much of a leg. But as a child I did alot. I rode a bike, played and just tried to be a kid..My parents did not coddle me at all. Or did they allow anyone else to. I was one of 8 children and the only won with this problem. I'm the youngest. The amputation is not going to well. I still have major pain and from all the nerves and tissue being cut so mant times I have a lot of nerve pain. But like I said I know no different..Oh I can imangine as I did as a child..But my parents gave me a back bone and it taught me to be strong today...Now i did not have all this strength when I was made fun of for my brace. Kids are cruel I could write a book! But I'm a better person today.! :) I have a wonderful husband who treats me like a queen. And my amputaton has no impact on our marriage. Ok i'll shout up now..! :P :D Anyway we all have to face something in life. Some are big and some are samll. Its how we handle it is the outcome.

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Guest bearlover

Shelby! I can really relate to the shoe ting...Especially if you are all dressed up..BUT its only a pair of shoes... And now days the flates are in style and some are really cute! :)

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Hi

I am worried sick about losing my family and that is the last thing I want.

I can't understand why I am feeling like this? I have come through the worst of it, so why am I so low?quote]

Lisa, you won't lose your family. They are your family and will always be there for you. That's what family's do. They want you to lean on them.

My depression really started after I had gotten thru the worst of it. I wondered if it was like I'm feeling physically better -- now what. That was scary. My therapist and family doctor both described it as being post traumatic stress disorder. A traumatic event happened - now you're dealing with the effects. I hated looking at myself for a long time. Now, almost 4 years later, I don't find it beautiful, but I no longer find it revolting. Time, Lisa. I hope you are able to get some more therapy. I think that's the key. In the meantime, if you ever want to talk, please feel free to PM me anytime. I may not have answers but I do have the capacity to listen.

Take care.

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Guest bearlover

Lisa, are you taking any meds? Sometimes certain meds can cause major depression. Even anti-depressant meds. :)

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I never paid attention to my amputation as a child. I played basketball for 3 years, started ice skating when I was 4, and did other things. I have always swam in the ocean since I can remember. Kids can be awful. I went to this awful private school in kindergarten and 1st grade and my mom asked the principal if she could come in and talk to my class about what happened. He wouldn't let her. It was awful. My mom took me out and put me in an awsome public school where my mom came in and explained everything and no one asked me any questions. They were all amazed by it.

I am an only child and my mom had me when she was 21. My parents got divorced when my mom was 3 months pregnant with me. We lived with my grandparents till I was 11. My mom went through college and became and ultrasound tech and we moved out on her own.

Now I shall shut up :P

Lisa, we are all here for you (as, hopefully, you know) PM me anytime you need to talk!

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Thank you for that. You sound like a young lady who has her head on straight. And I suspect that your mother had something to do with that. Both of you had your adversities to overcome. This is what I talk about when I get on my soap box about the average person overcoming seemingly simple odds - such as navigating a curb. You won't win any medals - perhaps - but you will earn a lot of respect - as you just have mine.

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Lisa,

I'm really sorry that you are going through so much, but proud of the fact that you realize that you do have some things bothering you.. As Marcia said, sometimes, we don't even realize that it is..until something comes up.

Everyone deals with things in their own way.. for some, that "tough love" stuff works, and for other's it just crap,and only serves to drive them deeper.. I'm sure that you are the only one here that really understands your situation. You've asked for help, gotten some lectures, and some hands/hearts, extended in friendship. If you want to talk, please, feel free to pm those of us who are offering to listen. Or, do as you have done, and keep posting. Either way, that's why we are here. Just keep talking...

I think that we all face our own set of problems. Until the questions came up, I hadn't realized that I don't look in the full length mirror when I don't have my leg on.. If I do, it's not at the lower half of my body. I also had some body image issues after my accident.. Lordy, I look like someone shot me with a machine gun with all of my scars! But, there for the grace of God, I'm here..

I think it is pretty common for most females to want to "take care" of everyone else and keep them from hurting. But, you have to take care of yourself too. If your partner doesn't want to pull his head out of the sand, well, that's his problem. You take care of yourself first.. The other's will find a way all on their own.

If you need to talk, talk.. Maybe, small measures at first, as has been mentioned previously..

Mostly, if you don't think they will understand, there are those of us, who will listen.. We WON'T judge, we will just listen...I promise you.... That's what we are here for....

Higgy aka Tammie

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Guest bearlover
I never paid attention to my amputation as a child. I played basketball for 3 years, started ice skating when I was 4, and did other things. I have always swam in the ocean since I can remember. Kids can be awful. I went to this awful private school in kindergarten and 1st grade and my mom asked the principal if she could come in and talk to my class about what happened. He wouldn't let her. It was awful. My mom took me out and put me in an awsome public school where my mom came in and explained everything and no one asked me any questions. They were all amazed by it.

I am an only child and my mom had me when she was 21. My parents got divorced when my mom was 3 months pregnant with me. We lived with my grandparents till I was 11. My mom went through college and became and ultrasound tech and we moved out on her own.

Now I shall shut up :P

Lisa, we are all here for you (as, hopefully, you know) PM me anytime you need to talk!

Now you have the right idea!

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Everyone deals with things in their own way.. for some, that "tough love" stuff works, and for other's it just crap,and only serves to drive them deeper.. hurting.

This deals with about most everything - the trick is knowing which one works for whom. If one doesn't (or hasn't) worked, maybe it's time to try another. I've seen "tough love" completely turn some people around, and then others - like you say - are driven deeper. "Tough love" wouldn't work on me. I know..... I've always been too darn independent for my own good - sometimes.

But, you have to take care of yourself too. If your partner doesn't want to pull his head out of the sand, well, that's his problem. You take care of yourself first.. The other's will find a way all on their own.

Exactly my point earlier. Very well said.

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