Jump to content
Heather Mills - Amputee Forum
skully cat

I have lost it & I am not sure I can recover

Recommended Posts

Mark moved out 2 days ago I feel like I died. We had problems everyone does I guess more than not I wanted him gone I thought.

My guts hurt so bad, this F@#k sucks.

My brother told me I was destroying everyone around me.

My son said today you know mom you always help everyone else, don't you think you should help yourself.

He said your so angry at everyone they did not take your leg mom.

S..T this sucks.

In one year I managed to lose my leg, my job & now my husband, my family won't talk to me.

Here I go like a tornado through those I love lives.

I don't have a damn clue, I did not even see what I was doing, Gods truth I did not think I was.

But the whole world can't be wrong.

I figured if I did something good to help raise awaerness my pain would go away. Does that make sense?

The real truth is I don't want to be alone, I did not want him to go, I just wanted him to say it will be alright you can get through this.

I am not sure I can do this too.

I can't eat, I can't sleep, I can't think?

This must feel like what insanity must feel like.

When I lost my leg it feels like part of me died inside, you know what I mean. Now it feels like something else did too.

Skully Cat

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Skully, tell Mark what you have just told us & maybe he will understand you did not want him to leave,,,,no-one that hasn't lost a limb can possibility know the pain deep inside & how terribly you hurt and want to lash out. You have to let this bitterness go that you are keeping deep inside you.....if it makes you feel better lady go ahead & SCREAM until you get it all out of your system.

All of us have been in the same place you have. At first I cried a river it seemed.....do not try to be brave.....if you need help in accepting, then go for it...there is no shame in needing help.

I don't know how you feel about religion, but I will keep you in prayer.

ann

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I won't add to what Ann has said SC because I can't, but you have my address. Don't hesitate to use it if you would like. Okay? I may not be good at this sort of thing, but I'm here, if I can help - as I am sure you will find that most of us on here are.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Skully Cat, I'm so sorry to hear about your situation. I agree with Ann that it might help if you rold Mark what you just told us... it might not solve things immediately, but hearing your rruth at least gives you both a starting point to work from.

You know, in a way, I think I was lucky that I was alone at the time of my amp... I could do the "mad and bitter and frightened" part on my own, without having to worry about hurting the people I loved. Even so, it was a hard time for me... it's a hard time for ALL of us, in our own ways.

Lean on us. You know you have friends here who understand what it's like. Lean on who and whatever you need to... it's not a sign of weakness; it's an indication that you're strong enough to allow yourself time to heal.

You and your family will be in my thoughts.......

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

big hug :(

SC, I don't think I can add to that, but I'm thinking about you x

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

My prayers are with you lady, you know that...There isn't much that I can say that we haven't talked about on the phone.

Take care... give things some time and space.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

There really isn't anything I can add that the others haven't already said.

My thoughts and prayers are with you as I'm sure everybody's are.

Sue

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I spent some quality time with a very good friend of mine last night. When we talk, we really talk. And she said something very interesting to me.

She said that I have done a complete turnaround in the last 5 years. What?? I'm still the same person, surely? Well, apparantly not. She said I was a nightmare. I was probably THE most angry person she had ever known. That floored me. I never realised I was that bad. I don't feel or see the change, but she does. She properly does.

Perhaps I should have had counselling. But being who I am (pig-headed brat), it was the last thing on earth I would have done at the time.

Anger is one of the natural processes of healing that we all have to go through. And it seems that I didn't handle it very well. I was a bi-atch of note apparantly. <_<

I'm really sorry to hear that you're going through all this crap. Find someone to talk to. My anger lasted for years. Yours doesn't have to.

You're a good lady.

Love and respect

Ally

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Hiya Im not very good with words soo i'll jsut say im thinking of you hunxxxx

paul

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Skully Cat, you will recover.

I lost my leg, my apartment, my job and my hard won independence. Then a year and two days later, I lost my beloved son to suicide... God only knows how I've survived, but I did.

It looks black, but time does heal. Please remember this...

Many thoughts going out to you.

Marilyn

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Very sorry you sent away the one you really wanted near, sometimes we feel so mad and hurt...that we maybe act as if we don't care... You still have a chance to say you are sorry... at least to explain yourself, your crazy behavior to him, don't let pride stops you. If he loves you he will hear your call, and understand... if he doesn't love you anymore, you better off without him. At least you can say later on that you have tried.

If you think your life is bad...take a look around.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Very sorry you sent away the one you really wanted near, sometimes we feel so mad and hurt...that we maybe act as if we don't care... You still have a chance to say you are sorry... at least to explain yourself, your crazy behavior to him, don't let pride stops you. If he loves you he will hear your call, and understand... if he doesn't love you anymore, you better off without him. At least you can say later on that you have tried.

If you think your life is bad...take a look around.

You are right, sometimes I have to look past myself. I took alot of advice and wrote him a letter & put it in his motorcycle bag were he would find it yesterday.

He came home last night.

I told him I did not realize how pissed off I had became.

I am going to talk to a shrink tomorrow.

It sucks to show weakness but there are way worse things than asking for help.

Thanks

Skully Cat

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Weakness is not getting the help that's out there. Sounds like you're on the right track. Best of luck to you and your family.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Mark moved out 2 days ago I feel like I died. We had problems everyone does I guess more than not I wanted him gone I thought.

My guts hurt so bad, this F@#k sucks.

My brother told me I was destroying everyone around me.

My son said today you know mom you always help everyone else, don't you think you should help yourself.

He said your so angry at everyone they did not take your leg mom.

S..T this sucks.

In one year I managed to lose my leg, my job & now my husband, my family won't talk to me.

Here I go like a tornado through those I love lives.

I don't have a damn clue, I did not even see what I was doing, Gods truth I did not think I was.

But the whole world can't be wrong.

I figured if I did something good to help raise awaerness my pain would go away. Does that make sense?

The real truth is I don't want to be alone, I did not want him to go, I just wanted him to say it will be alright you can get through this. b

I am not sure I can do this too.

I can't eat, I can't sleep, I can't think?

This must feel like what insanity must feel like.

When I lost my leg it feels like part of me died inside, you know what I mean. Now it feels like something else did too.

Skully Cat

Oh skully Cat - my heart goes out to you. The suggestion has been made to tell Mark how you feel and I agree. If you can't talk to him write a letter or make a cassette tape. Let him know hiw much you are hurting and that you really did not want him to go. Then at least you have tried. Good luck.

JudyH

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

:) 'Skully Cat' I am so glad you are starting to take care of your needs. I really hated to see you hurting so

badly. Remember YOU ARE NOT WEAK!!!!!!! you just need some tender lovin' care. ;) ann

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Skully, I'm glad to hear that he came back home... and that you're going to be seeking some assisttance. That is NOT "showing weakness," BTW... it's having the strength to know when you can use a little assistance. The "shrink" is not going to "fix" or "change" you... they're just going to help you look at your situation from different perspectives, so that you are better able to decide how you want to move forward with your life. Go... and put the same determination into it as you do with everything else. You'll get through it and be YOU again!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Scully Cat, I'm so glad you are able to make a start at sorting this out, what a fab hubby you must have and thank goodness he loves you as much as you obviously love him xxxxxxx

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
It sucks to show weakness but there are way worse things than asking for help.

Thanks

Skully Cat

Who said that was a sign of weakness? It's harder to take a step than it is to set on the sidelines and say that it wasn't your fault. Ditto all that Cheryl said,(she has such and eloquent way with words :) ). Just don't expect it all to change overnight, after all, it didn't get to that point overnight. But it can and will change if you want it to. Hope to see you both at the conference.

Hang in there.......

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Joe, that was awesome. I could totally relate. Bless you.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Hey babe

I now what you are going through july-august last year lost my wife, my leg and my job, its tought really tough it was my daughter and they guys here that keep me going.

If you ned shoulders there are many here to prop you up pm me if you want and it does getter better it really does.

love nellyxx

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now

×