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Heather Mills - Amputee Forum
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nellyboy

Turning a corner

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Hello Everyone

An update on my life as I approach the 19 July and a year since my amp, yes i know i can't believe it either!

Since moving into my new flat it has been a struggle not only coping without the full "normal" use of my legs but also my continuing depression and the breakdown of my marriage and not seeing my beloved daughter every day.

Whilst my stump has now gone back to normal size, i have major issues with the stump due to my bones, i have had several sockets, but they all seem to have the same effect in as much they cause me severe pain when walking. Whilst my team of prosthetic people are on the ball the pain never seems to let up, its real pain as apposed to the weird sensation i get in my "Foot" which is not pain but the very real feeling that my foot is there and i can wiggle my toes.

The pain is so bad that whilst i have not used a wheelchair out of my flat for over five months i have to use it at home, when i use the leg I cannot stay on it for long periods and this makes me very sad especially when i spend time with my daughter Amelia who is now 3 and a very active child.

In addition the debts of my life with my wife and failed business have mounted up and things were getting a bit heavy, a couple of months ago my wife took Amelia to Disneyland paid for by my ex parents in law who took the whole family, whilst Amelia was having a wonderful time my depression had reached a peak and i contemplated suicide.

Fortunately i pulled myself through some very dark days and hung on to the fact my life had to change soon, and it was only me that could change it.

Whilst i continue to have issues with my leg my general health is continuing to improve, i have had my final eye surgery and my consultant is happy with the results and has given me another 20 years of full sight (effects of diabetes). My general diabetes is getting better and generally i feel better, although still get very tired if i spend a day on the leg. My doctors have suggested pain killers for my stump pain, but following bad side effects of drug management in hospital i have learned to cope without, god knows how.

I have decided that there is little chance of continuing to try and dig myself out of my financial state so reluctantly i am in the process of going bankrupt.

I am looking at re-training to work with children with special needs and have started a range of voluntary work in this area with a view to doing a course at college.

I am spending much more time with Amelia now and have finally accepted my life with her mother is over and not coming back, but at least we remain very good friends and after many years of arguing only seem to laugh when we see each other now.

Whilst i have not found anyone else special to me and still get lonely i am starting to gain more friends and i am fairly happy on my own.

I hope to get a car in the next few months from mobility as long as the official receiver is ok with it and gain more independence and you never know may come visiting some of you.

So generally a lot better than i was a few months back and i am finally sorting out my life and accepting my life as it is now, and have re-found my love of writing and have been rattling off poems and stories again.

I live for me and my daughter and start to build myself a better life for us both.

Love to you all

Neil :rolleyes:

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Neil, you have gone through the black hole and come out the other end fighting, well done I'm proud of you. Just goes to prove that old saying "I am the captain of my soul. The master of my destiny". Given the current weather situation don't you think a boat might be a better mode of transport? When you're ready to travel give us a shout I'm sure we can find a bed for you.

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Neil, I'm glad to see you back. Depression is, unfortunately, one of the "stages" we all go through... it's good to see you fighting through and pulling yourself out of the darkness!

You'll make it... just takes lots and lots (and LOTS) of determination. You've gotten this far... the rest will come.

All the best to you................!

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It would be easy to just check out. I admire you for working hard, struggling and coming back. There will be good days ahead for you. Keep hangin' in there.

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Neil, Glad to see you are doing better...

I'm convinced that going through the sometimes awful circumstances of life only makes us stronger!

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:blink:

Neil,

As we have not met I can not comment on all that you have experiened in the past. But from reading your most recent post and from my own battles with depression all I can say is Amen.

I will be diagnosed with depression for the rest of my life. Well many more horrible things have happened to me and now that I finally have a shrink that fully understands what is going on and has found a medical reqime that keeps me up and about and lively hey I am good to go.

Money has always been a bug-a-boo for me. My dad died when I was 9 and my mom was addicted to prescription medication and booze, so I was never taught diddly squat about money. Finally my now husband has almost drilled into my head about how to use and not use money. I suggest that you look at the web site of Dave Ramsey very good site and really good financial information. The site is www.daveramsey.com just look around no harm no foul.

As for your daughter she will love you because you are dad! Trust me I would give another limb to have my dad back, although I am now 58 so he would be pretty old. But to have had him while I was growing up oh yeah in a heart beat, and a NYC one at that.

Stay focused and think of all that you have overcome so far.

Just know that there is a whole list of folks here that are here for you.

Paula

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