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Stormy1952

Devotee

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I am in a Dating 4 Disabliies dating web site and I keep on running into these people called devotees. Are these people for rear or are they weirdos or stalkers. Some of them are even married. I have had one or two get mad at me because I wouldn't chat with them. What is their deal?

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Yes, the world is indeed full of weirdos. There are amputee "wannabees", "devotees" "and on and on. Every now and then there will be a "pretender" on here. Until you get to know someone and feel comfortable, (along with reccomendations from others), the best way to email is throughthe PM here. This way, there is a record of emails.

I give out my business address to those that ask, but I do not give out my personal one - except to those I have come to know and respect. I strongly reccomend that anyone else do the same.

In the public world - and especially ours - TRUST.......BUT VERIFY.

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When I was looking for information and trying to join forums after my amputation, almost all the groups I could find were taken over by "devotees" and advertisments...I'm sure there are legitimate devotees...but I found most of their comments creepy and somewhat perverse...and I'm not a prude!!! So glad to have found this forum...I am thankful for all of your knowlege, strength and help!

Lorri

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I totally agree with these guys. I respect all the men, and women here, and I learned about this forum through another amputee, who I have total respect for! So I wish you luck with your searching..

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Devotees are "for real." Like any other general group of people, they can range from decent folks who just happen to have a preference for people with limb loss to some really disturbed fetishists who see us as "stumps" to fulfill their fantasies, rather than actual human beings. Unfortunately, this last group is very persistant and very vocal, as well as potentially dangerous.

I can't see living my life in fear of devs, but I must admit that I'm cautious when meeting someone new... especially if that "someone new" seems to have a rather-too-intense interest in my status as an amputee.

Even in a place like this forum, where many of us know each other in real life and can vouch for one another, it's a good idea to be cautious with someone new. If they're genuinely good people, they'll wait until you're comfortable with them!

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There are really two types of devotees.

The first are the fetishists. I don't think I need to explain that one further.....creepy. We are simply life support systems for stumps. They will initiate a conversation with an amputee and barge straight into very personal questions. Like : how long is your stump, do you wear a prosthesis, etc ad nauseum. They visit amputee conventions, sporting events, take unsolicited pics, collect pics and videos, and swop their 'collections' with eachother. When you bump into one of these, run like hell.

Then there is a group who most often like to be referred to as Admirers, as opposed to Devotees. They prefer amputees and find us attractive. They treat us like human beings. Unfortunately, a lot of amputees don't like this (who can blame us?) when the very object of their desire is the discomfort and battle we face every day.

Go figure.

And Ali, you can bet your bottom dollar that there are undercover devotees in this (and every other) amputee group.

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I have never heard of that before but that is really weird :o I will now have to be suspicious of you all :glare: :P

Did you know that there are a number of 'devotees' in your profession too, Ali? <_<

Perhaps it might be worth discussing the subject at your Uni? :unsure: Or perhaps not?

Lizzie :)

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Cheryl's, Jims and Ally's explanation's are all pretty correct, with just one thing to add.. I hope that we do a better job in trying to keep the devo's out than some of the other sites... Granted, it's not 100% but Johnny tries. That's why when anyone joins, they have to go throught the steps they do. It's also why it isn't that easy to find a link to register for this site, in case anyone hadn't noticed. As I said, it's not 100%.

Stormy, you just have to use your own best judgement and gut instinct with people now. To error on the side of caution, isn't necessarily a bad thing.. But, live your life. There's no reason not too.

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I have came across these 'devotees' on facebook. I have gotten multiple requests from people (the majority of them are older men) who only have young, female amputee's as their friends. I had a guy named Wilifried try to add me many times until I figured out how to block them.

I have never really dated. I go to an all girls school so it is pretty hard for me to meet guys (until college). Most people don't know I am an amputee because I have no limp and the prosthesis is pretty realistic. I had a 'boyfriend' when I was 13 and he had no idea I had my foot amputated until I told him.

I want to find a man who it doesn't matter to him that I am an amputee. He has to love me for me and treat me like the queen I am :)

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......... He has to love me for me and treat me like the queen I am :)

Good for you. Now that sounds like a level headed lady who knows her own worth. If you don't believe in yourself - how can anyone else.

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......... He has to love me for me and treat me like the queen I am :)

Good for you. Now that sounds like a level headed lady who knows her own worth. If you don't believe in yourself - how can anyone else.

Exactly. And thank you. I will never settle for less than the best. My mother has always made sure I knew what I was worth and not to be with anyone who doesn't appreciate me.

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Cheryl's, Jims and Ally's explanation's are all pretty correct, with just one thing to add.. I hope that we do a better job in trying to keep the devo's out than some of the other sites...

You do, I agree.

:)

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I have never heard of that before but that is really weird :o I will now have to be suspicious of you all :glare: :P

Did you know that there are a number of 'devotees' in your profession too, Ali? <_<

Perhaps it might be worth discussing the subject at your Uni? :unsure: Or perhaps not?

Lizzie :)

And that, my dear Lizzie, is an undisputable FACT.

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I have never heard of that before but that is really weird :o I will now have to be suspicious of you all :glare: :P

There's an old saying that goes: "There isn't anything wrong with being paranoid - if they really are out to get you"

People worry about sharks in the ocean - Ha!. It's the sharks on the land that I'm more concerned about.

I hope that we do a better job in trying to keep the devo's out than some of the other sites..

Absolutely. This is exactly why this is the only forum that I am on. Others are full of personal agenda's - solicitations for one thing or another - and spam, just to mention a few. They all are trying to help in their own way, but all of the other garbage keeps getting in (with all due respect to them). This HMM - as I see it - is a social group, that likes to have fun with each other, but takes it's responsibiltiy as a forum by and for amputees, very seriously, and isn't shy about keeping the others out. I like that the rules are enforced and not just there for window dressing.

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I must admit it was frustrating when I first found this forum and couldn't register (as a genuine amputee) but I eventually managed to do so - at that time I had no knowledge of such perversions. Now I understand why caution is needed and am glad that this forum tries to protect us sadly it is very difficult to ensure that those that really need help get it whilst excluding the 'frauds'.

Sue

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I must admit it was frustrating when I first found this forum and couldn't register (as a genuine amputee) but I eventually managed to do so - at that time I had no knowledge of such perversions. Now I understand why caution is needed and am glad that this forum tries to protect us sadly it is very difficult to ensure that those that really need help get it whilst excluding the 'frauds'.

Sue

I definitely agree with you Sue.

It only takes a few to ......... mess it up for the many. If anyone can find a sure way to separate just the frauds - or the "jerks", please let us know. That's why the world is full of so many "rules" today - all because of the few. My state of California used to be a beautiful place to live - back in the 1940's & '50's. Today, I call it the 'DON'T DO" state. Every where you go, there is a sign saying DONT' DO THIS or DON'T DO THAT. Even in the middle of the desert of Death Valley, where my Dad and I used to run free when I was young. (He was a desert prospector early on). Now there are signs everywhere over the valley telling us what we can and can't do and where we can and can't go.

Common Sense is a lost art - methinks. As is Common Courtesy. Hence all of the rules.

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Guest bearlover
Yes, the world is indeed full of weirdos. There are amputee "wannabees", "devotees" "and on and on. Every now and then there will be a "pretender" on here. Until you get to know someone and feel comfortable, (along with reccomendations from others), the best way to email is throughthe PM here. This way, there is a record of emails.

I give out my business address to those that ask, but I do not give out my personal one - except to those I have come to know and respect. I strongly reccomend that anyone else do the same.

In the public world - and especially ours - TRUST.......BUT VERIFY.

Weirdos Jim? your being kind..All kinds of screw balls are around..Since my amputation my husband has been more over protective of me and always tells me creeps are ever place..

Most of the things about personal safety I learned from My dad...Never park between a van a car :unsure: always be aware of your suroundings, park in a well lite area,, kick him between the legs,,I could go on and on about what my dear dad taught me. Never leave a drink un attented when I was single and in collage and went out with my girlfriends, common sence things..I was well aware and always wise thanks to dad.

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Well this won't make me any friends but I think it needs to be said :unsure:

First of all please don't get the idea that I am supporting the Dev's.

I think it's terrible that some people feel they have the right to poke their grubby noses into our lives when they are not wanted.

If you think they don't have access to this forum then think again. You don't need to join to view all the content. People join here (mostly) to take part in discussions and add their own views. Take a look at the "guest" list sometime. They outnumber us significantly. That's why I have always suggested to people not to post pictures on threads that might "titillate" some of them. The only safe place to put those things that you wish to keep private is in your profile which can't be accessed by guests

Everyone has a preference for what sort of people they want in their lives. Most people are heterosexual who seek relationships with people of the opposite gender. They go through their lives as a couple and one portrays the Male role and the other portrays the Female role. This is, by far, representative of most people and therefore considered the "norm".

Then there are those who seek relationships with people who have something that appeals to them. Amputee is only one of these things. Men liking larger women, women who like men with beards, men and women who enjoy interracial relationships, the list is endless (it really is!!!). I will agree completely that the vast majority of people with a "fetish" are men, but there are also many many women who enjoy these things too.

In fact.....the "normal" people in "normal" relationships are no different. We set out to find a partner that suits our ideal of the person we wish to spend our lives with.

People with a fetish are no different and they come from all walks of life and (mostly) appear completely normal. The problems begin when they intrude in peoples lives. I don't have any issues with what people do at home, with the curtains closed, everyone is consenting (and an adult) and noone gets hurt. That's their buisness. It's when they throw their desires around and hurt other people that it becomes a problem.

To be honest I don't care if my prosthetist is a Dev, as long as he makes good legs and takes notice of me and what I tell him that's all that matters. If he was a Dev and than let his feelings be known and began to intrude in my life...that's another story.

And then we get amputees who seek relationships with these people. Is this wrong? Of course not. Noone wants to be lonely and why should we condemn them for seeking this out? Personally I want to be loved and desired for who I am and not what I am, but does that make them wrong?..not at all.

Not all the Dev's are annoying sods who like to interfere in your life through the safety of a computer screen.

My advice (for what it's worth) is to first try and understand them and why they are there before we condemn them. The vast majority of Dev's are ordinary people with ordinary lives who like to look but not touch and will never bother you.

By the way, before we go categorizing which gender the Dev's come from, kicking them "between the legs" might not always have the effect we want. :lol:

My apologies for the novel :blush:

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Common Sense is a lost art - methinks.

So is the English language- methinks :P

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Well this won't make me any friends but I think it needs to be said :unsure:

First of all please don't get the idea that I am supporting the Dev's.

I think it's terrible that some people feel they have the right to poke their grubby noses into our lives when they are not wanted.

If you think they don't have access to this forum then think again. You don't need to join to view all the content. People join here (mostly) to take part in discussions and add their own views. Take a look at the "guest" list sometime. They outnumber us significantly. That's why I have always suggested to people not to post pictures on threads that might "titillate" some of them. The only safe place to put those things that you wish to keep private is in your profile which can't be accessed by guests

Everyone has a preference for what sort of people they want in their lives. Most people are heterosexual who seek relationships with people of the opposite gender. They go through their lives as a couple and one portrays the Male role and the other portrays the Female role. This is, by far, representative of most people and therefore considered the "norm".

Then there are those who seek relationships with people who have something that appeals to them. Amputee is only one of these things. Men liking larger women, women who like men with beards, men and women who enjoy interracial relationships, the list is endless (it really is!!!). I will agree completely that the vast majority of people with a "fetish" are men, but there are also many many women who enjoy these things too.

In fact.....the "normal" people in "normal" relationships are no different. We set out to find a partner that suits our ideal of the person we wish to spend our lives with.

People with a fetish are no different and they come from all walks of life and (mostly) appear completely normal. The problems begin when they intrude in peoples lives. I don't have any issues with what people do at home, with the curtains closed, everyone is consenting (and an adult) and noone gets hurt. That's their buisness. It's when they throw their desires around and hurt other people that it becomes a problem.

To be honest I don't care if my prosthetist is a Dev, as long as he makes good legs and takes notice of me and what I tell him that's all that matters. If he was a Dev and than let his feelings be known and began to intrude in my life...that's another story.

And then we get amputees who seek relationships with these people. Is this wrong? Of course not. Noone wants to be lonely and why should we condemn them for seeking this out? Personally I want to be loved and desired for who I am and not what I am, but does that make them wrong?..not at all.

Not all the Dev's are annoying sods who like to interfere in your life through the safety of a computer screen.

My advice (for what it's worth) is to first try and understand them and why they are there before we condemn them. The vast majority of Dev's are ordinary people with ordinary lives who like to look but not touch and will never bother you.

By the way, before we go categorizing which gender the Dev's come from, kicking them "between the legs" might not always have the effect we want. :lol:

My apologies for the novel :blush:

Well said Cat, I agree on all levels. You should keep your life as private as your bank details when your talking to people you don't 'know'. It's fantastic to chat with all you guys here but if I was asked anything I didn't want to answer........ it's simple.... I wont answer. ;)

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To be honest I don't care if my prosthetist is a Dev, as long as he makes good legs and takes notice of me and what I tell him that's all that matters. If he was a Dev and than let his feelings be known and began to intrude in my life...that's another story.

Yes, it is another story...several stories, in fact...from different people...

I'm not going to talk about the details here as the forum is so open, but I think this issue is very important and it does allow for a breach of the patient - clinician relationship.

It doesn't happen often, but it does happen and when it does it's not pleasant! Most people find it unbelieveble that it's happened to them...then they often find it difficult to stand up and say what happened...and when they do they can find it difficult to be believed.

That's why I mentioned it to Ali. I felt that if it was openly discussed at the training/degree stage then there would be more awareness.

Lizzie

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Well......loads of food for thought..............

Cat has a good amount of points to be taken.... First off.... at any given point, there are a fairly large number of people who are reading these posts as guests, or annonymously. And I'm sure that they aren't all dev's.. Here would be a good time to bring point out a few things that Cat stated.

This site isn't absolutely secure.. It is up to you, as a memeber to proceed with caution. If you give out your email, personal info, etc to anyone, it is your responsibility. It is an extremely valid point about not posting pictures of yourself, your family, etc. on here except in your profile. Giving out email addresses is another.. I was taught years ago, to use a "throw away" email address. It works the same as screening telephone calls.. Then, if you chose to correspond with said person, you can give them the email address that you use on a daily basis.

We don't do background checks, fingerprints, and all that, Johnny does the best that he can to make sure a member of this forum isn't here for alterior motives.. There are people here who are not amputees. They are professionals, or spouses, or close family or friends of an amputee that have asked to join because they are looking for info for one reason or another. It's not 100%.

One more thought to chew on a bit... Remember the saying, you can't judge a book by it's cover? It is so true..........just because a person doesn't "march" to your drum, doesn't mean that they are bad, only different. To each his own. I have friends that are slightly different from me,( then again, they probably think I'm a lot different from them) but I would move heaven and earth to help/be there for them. Their preferences are theirs, and theirs alone. It's not for me to judge..only to be there for them as their friend. I might have questions, and I'd try to understand if I didn't, but I wouldn't/don't classify them as a devo or freak just because they are different than me. Those thoughts actually never occur to me. Would you classify a drug addict or alcoholic as a freak? Or try to figure out why they are a an addict or drunk?

It ultimately is each person's responsibility to be cautious enough for themselves and their own safety. Even if you are on the other side of a computer screen.

Cat, I think I'm matching your novel here. :P

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Common Sense is a lost art - methinks.

So is the English language- methinks :P

I pulled this from the Merriam Webster Unabridged dictionary. Methinks that this goes waaaaay back. (WHOOPS! - I bet that "waaaaay" isn't in the dictionary though). :P :lol: But - aside from that, I do agree about the rest of the English language being a lost art. :blush: :)

Main Entry: me·thinks Pronunciation Guide

Pronunciation: mthi(k)s, m-

Function: verb impersonal

Inflected Form(s): past third singular me·thought \-tht\; present third singular methinks

Etymology: Middle English me thinketh, from Old English m thyncth, from m (suppletive dative of ic I) + thyncth, 3d singular present indicative of thyncan to seem -- more at ME, THINK

archaic : it seems to me <methinks that I have heard them echo back -- William Wordsworth> <methought a star came down from heaven -- P.B.Shelley> [/font=Trebuchet Ms]

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