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Heather Mills - Amputee Forum

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Normally I would wait until we're face to face to mention it, but in that particular case, she asked first. Problem is, most women want to know why a guy isn't going to work every day. This naturally leads the discussion around to why I'm not working--because my job isn't convinced that I can return yet despite my best efforts--and we're right back to the accident itself and the inevitable questions about that. Given my preference, I'd like them to see me walking around for a bit so that when they do find out, their first thought is "I would never have guessed". But sometimes the conversation works it's way around there before I'm ready, and as much as I don't want to go down that road too soon, I don't want to appear evasive or out-and-out lie. Those things are the kiss of death to a new relationship too.

Do you have to tell them you're not going to work every day? You could avoid contacting them during working hours and then they wouldn't know. :rolleyes: Seeing as you're intending to go back to work full-time, then I think you'd be quite justified in doing that.

And, if you do happen to mention your leg, couldn't you just mention it as an aside (e.g. nothing terribly important ~ 'Oh, that?!' sort of thing)? :wink: Acknowledge that you have a prosthesis, but don't go into any detail - giving her the impression that you're absolutely fine with it. :smile:

Maybe I'm picking the wrong ones or I'm starting out with ones that I'm never going to mesh well with. I can't say one way or the other short of corralling a bunch of women with different personality types and sorting them into test groups and dating them all to see what happens. Hmmmm...I'm seeing the possibility for a new reality TV show there. I wonder if I can make some money off this? :tongue:

I do like your sense of humour! :biggrin: But, try not to get all strung up with finding a partner ... try and relax and be at peace with yourself (try to get to know the new you before you get to know a new lady) ... I've found that, when you start to relax, something good usually happens. :smile:

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Well now I got a new technique.

I bought this t-shirt that says it all, and I wear it on all my first dates now.

http://us.st12.yimg.com/us.st.yimg.com/I/y...77_2038_4377877

And that conference does sound tempting...and it's close enough that I can drive down. Do ya think I can sneak my dog in?

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Well now I got a new technique.

I bought this t-shirt that says it all, and I wear it on all my first dates now.

http://us.st12.yimg.com/us.st.yimg.com/I/y...77_2038_4377877

Blimey! :blink: That'll certainly bring them in ... not! *sigh* What're you like? :rolleyes:

Subtlety, that's what you need - a bit of confident 'no stress, super cool', subtlety. :cool:

Second thoughts: I think you should definitely go to the conference, with or without dog, and perhaps Higgy can point you in the right direction? :smile:

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Right now, the only dogs the hotel allows are sevice dogs.....

He is a service dog, right? I know that Beth Marie uses one for balance....and they allowed her dog Emma with her... I used to use my big lab for fetching things when I was in the wheelchair, worked out great every time I dropped something. And they do work good for balance...

I think you would find it highly educational as well as interesting, informative, and enjoyable...

Especially when Johnny and Neal kick back...If you change your mind and decide to go, make sure to let us know it so that we will look for you...

Here's the link for the ACA conference website... at least for the registration.

https://www.expotracshows.com/aca/2009/

http://www.amputee-coalition.org/conferenc...ce_housing.html (information)

By the way, if you aren't a member, the membership fee is well worth the discount to get into the conference.. It will save you around $70.00 in the long run..

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Hey Stagger,

If you ditch that WWII German helmet and uniform, it might help out. LOL

The conferences are are great. I wish I could show you the coconut pictures from last year.

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Hey Stagger,

If you ditch that WWII German helmet and uniform, it might help out. LOL

Yeah, it was time to swap that avatar a long time ago. So here's a new one--featuring me.

And I'm seriously intrigued by the conference. A lot of course depends on whether or not I find a new job by then, because a new job will likely have me in training for a while. But it sounds fun, if only to meet some of you.

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Hehehehehehe, I have wondered about this - I am involved with an HD. Between the two of us, getting old and decrepit is sometimes a scary thought for me! :rolleyes:

But you could be old and decrepit together :wub:

:rolleyes: See now, therein lies the problem. Who is going to pick both of us up off the floor when we fall off our rocking chairs??

:laugh:

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Hehehehehehe, I have wondered about this - I am involved with an HD. Between the two of us, getting old and decrepit is sometimes a scary thought for me! :rolleyes:

But you could be old and decrepit together :wub:

:rolleyes: See now, therein lies the problem. Who is going to pick both of us up off the floor when we fall off our rocking chairs??

:laugh:

Seat belts, Ally

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Hehehehehehe, I have wondered about this - I am involved with an HD. Between the two of us, getting old and decrepit is sometimes a scary thought for me! :rolleyes:

But you could be old and decrepit together :wub:

:rolleyes: See now, therein lies the problem. Who is going to pick both of us up off the floor when we fall off our rocking chairs??

:laugh:

Seat belts, Ally

:laugh::laugh::laugh::laugh: Silly me!

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Thank you Higgy! I think you're pretty terrific yourself. :biggrin: Excellent points made by all. I wasn't sure how to word a lot of what's been said so I am glad you all touched on them. Anyway, I am by no means saying my way is the correct way. However, it works for me.

When I meet someone new, and we are telling each other stories about ourselves and discussing our passions and the like, eventually we will get to the story about my trip out to California when I was 12. This does not typically happen during our initial exchange but not too long afterward. My story begins with me saving babysitting money for an entire year so that I could fly out to see my friend who had moved out to CA. It continues on to our tradition of watching the nightly fireworks being shot over Disneyland (because she only lived a couple blocks away) and how after 2 weeks of doing that, on July 14th a motor home was parked in our way (from the spot we normally sat to watch) and so we moved and sat on the concrete base foundation of a motel sign. By now they know the story is going somewhere interesting and they are hanging on my every word. I get into every detail of what the out of control car did, how it all played out, the car totaling itself against the concrete with my legs in between the car and concrete, watching my friend sail threw the air, me laying spread-eagle, face down, several feet behind where I had been sitting, etc. . . OK, so by now it is THEY who then ask "Holy Bleep, so what injuries did you sustain?" and then I casually rattle off the list. So they're all caught up in this cool story and the amputation is this little side note and not really focused on. In addition, they've already heard a bunch of my other stories relating to my hobbies, travels and crazy-busy life.

I have found this approach so successful, that the men I date are never uncomfortable by my amputation, but rather they find me to be quite an amazing lady. :tongue:

Ta da. . . . That’s my story (in condensed form). It’s all in the delivery and how you empress upon others how YOU feel about your amputation. Basically what the other people have already been saying in this thread. :biggrin:

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...So they're all caught up in this cool story and the amputation is this little side note and not really focused on. In addition, they've already heard a bunch of my other stories relating to my hobbies, travels and crazy-busy life.

I have found this approach so successful, that the men I date are never uncomfortable by my amputation, but rather they find me to be quite an amazing lady. :tongue:

Ta da. . . . That’s my story (in condensed form). It’s all in the delivery and how you empress upon others how YOU feel about your amputation. Basically what the other people have already been saying in this thread. :biggrin:

Yes, I agree with you about being positive and it's all in the delivery, Amy, but some of us (no matter how hard we dress it up) do not have 'cool' stories. In which case, I think, you need to play to your strengths and not concentrate on the amputation. No matter what the cause, if someone is interested enough in you then they will ask. :smile:

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Amy,

You have a very gifted way of explaining your amputation.....just have to ask....your friend, what happed to her?

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Hey Stagger,

If you ditch that WWII German helmet and uniform, it might help out. LOL

Yeah, it was time to swap that avatar a long time ago. So here's a new one--featuring me.

And I'm seriously intrigued by the conference. A lot of course depends on whether or not I find a new job by then, because a new job will likely have me in training for a while. But it sounds fun, if only to meet some of you.

Stagger Lee,

BTW you seem to have omitted your Birthdate. I do like your avatar. :wink:

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I am glad this is thought provoking. I spent quite a bit of time with men and woman coming back from the war at Walter Reed and this topic was always the 800 lbs gorrilla in the room. The parents, spouse or promised spouse always had questions. Those single also wanted answers as to how it affects the future of relationships. I think as a society we are taught what is beauty and when those of us here have to face a different beauty then there is an adjustment period. I myself took the mirrors down for several months after my amputation so I did not have to see myself. There was a mental diconnect to not seeing the limb still there.

As many have said my spouse and I had issues before my trauma and for both of used my amputation provided the mean to end the relationship. me I wanted to see what I really could do and being who I am I became a over achiever I mean I am a amputee with 28,000 miles on a touring bike? not alot of time for a relationship.

I used to not tell anyone I was dating until I met them and felt a connection because I can "pass" if you will, and no one can tell if I am an amputee. But I found it was dishonest. Now I am pretty much upfront about how I am.

Dan

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Stagger Lee,

BTW you seem to have omitted your Birthdate. I do like your avatar. :wink:

Thanks. Birth year isd 1967. I'm getting close to almost being sort of old.

The avatar is me in Alaska a few years ago. February on the Arctic Ocean. Temperature: -15 degrees F. (Got to -45 that night).

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I thought it was Sasquatch :laugh:

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I think that the stress that we go through, as well as they do, can very well take it's toll on a relationship. If it wasn't strong in the beginning, it will definitely show where the cracks are..and I'm sure, not always end pleasantly.

If it was wobbly to begin with - it probably won't survive.

The more I think about this the more I realise the leg has nothing whatsoever to do with a relationship. If it does, then it's the relationship that's the problem, it would have been something else if the relationship suffers 'burn out' whatever that is. It'd just be an excuse to blame any relationship issue on one of the people in the relationship being an amputee.

I do agree that the strength of the relationship will come out in the end.

As many have said my spouse and I had issues before my trauma and for both of used my amputation provided the mean to end the relationship.

Dan,

GREAT TOPIC!!!!!! Several replies above that hit home for me. Looking back on it today, my amputation was not only a cure for cancer, but for a difficult and unhealthy marriage that was doomed any way. The writing was on the wall before the amputation. Life has changed. I have met so many wonderful people as a result. The loss was great, but the gain far outweighed it. It's all a matter of how we look at it and how we look at ourself as was said before. It can't get any better unless we want it to. It's best to look at the positive side of our lives and go on. The pain and suffering can improve our character and make us stronger if we chose to let it. That is what can make us attractive, creating that spark, that can help us find another. I have to work at it. It doesn't just happen.

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I thought it was Sasquatch :laugh:

OMG - that was funny..... :laugh::laugh:

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Hey now! :ohmy:

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And, Ann ~ you just select all the quotes (make sure they all go red) by using the 'Quote' button under each posting and then click on 'Reply' at the end. I like this forum as it's easy to make multiple quotes. :biggrin:

Thanks Lizzie

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Amy,

You have a very gifted way of explaining your amputation.....just have to ask....your friend, what happed to her?

Thank you Eag! :smile: My friend received a scuff on the heel of her foot. Why I saw her flying (more cartwheel-like) at the same time that I went sailing through the air, is beyond me. It's just what is part of my memory from that night. After the 'hit' she went running back to her house to get her mother, trailing blood from her heel half way around the block. When she came to the hospital to see me, she was wearing an ace on that foot. If it works, I'm attaching photos of that night (police photos). The concrete snapped on impact and bounced one direction and the car bounced back the other direction. If the pic uploads, you can see in the upper left photo where the motel sign is in the middle (you can see the posts) which is where we were sitting. Way over on the left side you can see where the paramedics are working on me (which is where I landed). They just rolled me from my stomach onto my back in order to get me into some cardboard braces so that they could load me up into the ambulance. One of the guys even donated blood on my behalf. The other paramedic let me bite his hand as they were trying to take X-rays when we got to the hospital. When I went back to visit the following year, he teased me that he still had the teeth marks in his hand. :laugh:

Thanks. Birth year isd 1967. I'm getting close to almost being sort of old.

Excuse me Stagger Lee!!! 1967 is not even close to being almost, sort of old!!! :tongue:

post-484-1234251127_thumb.jpg

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{42} give me a break, StaggerLee...wait 'till you get in your 60's. :wink:

Amy, those pictures are very clear....do you think of the accident very much? :smile:

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Amy, those pictures are very clear....do you think of the accident very much? :smile:

Hello Eag,

Nope. I typically forget I'm an amputee throughout the day. Unless I'm having a bad "leg day" and even then, it's the discomfort and not the fact that it's because I'm an amputee that my brain thinks about. It's other people who tend to remind me. The only times I ever think about the actual accident is when I know of someone who's let their unlicensed teen drive the car (then they get an earful from me) or if I'm telling a new person the "why" behind my amputation.

What about you? Do you think about it?

Amy

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I prefer to think of 1967 as a "Classic" year, so I don't plan to grow old. :tongue:

As to Amy's pics...Damn!

Reminded me that I've got a few of those too...courtesy of the local TV news.

There's my boot, visible in the lower part of the first pic. My foot's not in it though...I asked.

post-2187-1234318079_thumb.jpg

post-2187-1234318084_thumb.jpg

post-2187-1234318091_thumb.jpg

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Thanks for the visual aids Stag! But we need more input. Were you in the car or on the motorcycle? Were other people injured? That windshield screams of brain injury!! Yeeowii!!! :sad:

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