Jump to content
Heather Mills - Amputee Forum
sroman89

Greetings!

Recommended Posts

Hello everyone,

I dont know where to start... Hmm, I'm 19 and I am not an amputee. But there lies the problem. My girlfriend, who i've been with for a year and 8 months is. She is a rbk amputee. The problem is that I dont know how I can help her. Let me explain her first.

She's 17 and was born with one leg shorter than the other... She had a "symes" amputation done when she was like 2. It's comming to that time when she is able to get a new leg. Her current one is what her parents wanted her to have about a year and a half ago. It has like a rubbery skin over it and all the toes are together. She wants one like that girl at the USOpen wore. The socket to be black carbon fiber and the "pylon" showing. I totally think it's a cool idea as she can do alot more with it. The problem is that it seems like her parents are ashamed of her leg because they always tell her that people are gonna see her new leg and stare. My girlfriend says, "So? It's who I am...." and her parents right after that said they didnt want to be around her then. I felt so bad. She looked at me and almost cried. Im comming to everyone here for some help for her. Any ideas?

Thank you,

Scott

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Shame on her parents. It IS who she is. People stare, so what. I have an exoskeletal leg with a laminated socket with a beautiful American flag on it. I get stares, but so what. It also becomes a conversation piece.

Those of us who need and wear prosthetic limbs don't usually care. It is our mode of transportation and I happen to be proud of it. I don't mind being a little different.

Let her be who she is.

Neal

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Go girlfriend, go girlfriend, go girlfriend......

I'm with Neal - SHAME ON HER PARENTS.

Now, having said that, she is only 17 so I guess this has to be treated a little more delicately then with an "up yours" attitude.

Perhaps she could privately discuss the new leg with her prosthetist, and her parent's concerns, and then maybe the prosthetist would agree to meet everyone together to talk about it. That way she would have a professional on her side.

I too have an arty leg with no cover. The cover, for me, was hugely false looking and made the leg more bulky and heavy. At the end of the day, it is all about personal choice. And I would reckon that by this stage, your girlfriend should fully be allowed to make that choice. After all, it's her leg, she has to wear it.

Eish, what a thing. I do hope she manages to change the folks' mind. I also hope she puts her "expensive" foot down, and demands exactly what she wants!

Go girlfriend, go girlfriend, go girlfriend......

:smile::biggrin::tongue:

Let us know how it goes.....and ask her to pop in to say hi to us!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Hello everyone,

I dont know where to start... Hmm, I'm 19 and I am not an amputee. But there lies the problem. My girlfriend, who i've been with for a year and 8 months is. She is a rbk amputee. The problem is that I dont know how I can help her. Let me explain her first.

She's 17 and was born with one leg shorter than the other... She had a "symes" amputation done when she was like 2. It's comming to that time when she is able to get a new leg. Her current one is what her parents wanted her to have about a year and a half ago. It has like a rubbery skin over it and all the toes are together. She wants one like that girl at the USOpen wore. The socket to be black carbon fiber and the "pylon" showing. I totally think it's a cool idea as she can do alot more with it. The problem is that it seems like her parents are ashamed of her leg because they always tell her that people are gonna see her new leg and stare. My girlfriend says, "So? It's who I am...." and her parents right after that said they didnt want to be around her then. I felt so bad. She looked at me and almost cried. Im comming to everyone here for some help for her. Any ideas?

Thank you,

Scott

Hi Scott

Like Ally says this has to be handled a bit delicately as your girlfriend is only 17 and her parents are her parents. I am guessing her parents are around my age, (my youngest is 18) and not sure where you live but culturally even here in the UK when I was growing up even the old wooden and metal limbs were fashioned to look like legs and I think the thinking was that amputees 'blended in' with society, and didn't look any different. However, times, attitudes and technologies change, and younger (and not so young) amputees are rightly proud of wearing and showing their prosthesis these days.

I think what her parents have said to her is pretty harsh, so can understand why she is upset, but although it doesn't make sense to you or her, they may be genuinely worried about her, and may of in the past had incidents so may worry how adverse reactions from people might affect her or career prospects or whatever. Or there might be other reasons, are her parents funding the limb costs etc.

However, I know when I was 17 I was making my own decisions about my limbs (not that there were a lot of choices re styles, then) and making decisions that didn't involve my parents, so speaking as an amputee I would say to your girlfriend go for what you want to wear,I definitely would of at the same age, but life is very different today and young people are dependent on their parents for longer. Speaking as a mum myself though, I would be suggesting that she needs to do a lot of talking to her parents, especially if they are serious in saying they 'wouldn't want to be around her', can't really understand parents saying that myself, but know, from experience, that sometimes discussions can get a bit out of hand, but would imagine deep down the last thing she would want is to become estranged from them. Maybe she could get them also to look on forums like this, or as Ally says get them to talk to her Prosthetist , generally speaking, most of us parents just want the best for our children, but sometimes we do get it very wrong.

For me, as a parent, if it was my daughter I would be very proud, not only from the leg perspective but also that she is becoming independent and making her own decisions, and, in the big scheme of things, prosthesis's are really only temporary and she will probably go through many different ones over the years, for me this would be nothing compared to other more permanent things that our teenage children sometimes present us with.

Hope things work out for her.

Ann

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Oh, just a thought........

Generally when we get new legs, we have to wear them for a few weeks to see if they fit correctly BEFORE we decide to cover them up. (Making changes is more difficult once the cosmesis is fitted - this is a fact).

Perhaps there can be a compromise here..........your girlfriend has her new leg made and wears it "bare" for a while. Then both her AND her parents get to gauge what it feels and looks like, and how easy it is to handle the new look.

Like I said, just a thought.....but a very VALID and USEABLE angle to start from.

Strength to your girlfriend!

:smile:

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Hello everyone,

I dont know where to start... Hmm, I'm 19 and I am not an amputee. But there lies the problem. My girlfriend, who i've been with for a year and 8 months is. She is a rbk amputee. The problem is that I dont know how I can help her. Let me explain her first.

She's 17 and was born with one leg shorter than the other... She had a "symes" amputation done when she was like 2. It's comming to that time when she is able to get a new leg. Her current one is what her parents wanted her to have about a year and a half ago. It has like a rubbery skin over it and all the toes are together. She wants one like that girl at the USOpen wore. The socket to be black carbon fiber and the "pylon" showing. I totally think it's a cool idea as she can do alot more with it. The problem is that it seems like her parents are ashamed of her leg because they always tell her that people are gonna see her new leg and stare. My girlfriend says, "So? It's who I am...." and her parents right after that said they didnt want to be around her then. I felt so bad. She looked at me and almost cried. Im comming to everyone here for some help for her. Any ideas?

Thank you,

Scott

:sad: Wow, I can't believe her parents said they would not want to be around her if she didn't get the leg covered. I have never felt ashamed as an amputee until I got around people that couldn't handle it, or felt sorry for me. I have learned to be thankful that they identify themselves, their problem not mine. I have not worn a cover since I was 14. My dad wanted to hide it at first, trying to reduce stares, but my mom always made me feel that it was not just who I was but what I did, being comfortable with my self and accomplishments. Stumpy even had a fun personality that I would often exploit on people that felt embarassed or uncomfortable. I'll always cherish some of the reactions. I hope her parents come around and she does what makes her happy, Mark :biggrin:

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Agree with everything everyone has said, it really is their problem, she will need to help them go over it. She needs to do what's right for her, it won't be too painful for too long, they will see the light when they see how happy she is in herself doing what she wants to do. No parent is going to follow through with not wanting to be with their own daughter over something so trivial, not for long anyway.

I would say to her, go for it, do what's right for you, they will come round in the end, and it won't take long.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Ditto, OBL. Parents can't stay away from their children.

I also thought Ally's advice was good - wear it uncovered for a while to make sure it fits well. They will adapt.

But I totally agree with Neal - "shame on her parents". Though they are probably only trying to "protect" her, at 17 she's old enough to make decisions about her leg.

Just my 2 cents worth.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I can not imagine doing that to a child of mine {17 yrs or a baby} it doesn't matter. They should be trying to help her get into the world without a cover {if that's her wish} not hindering her. Let her find out what she wants....she may decide she does want her prosthesis covered, but let her make that decision.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Hi Scott,

First of all let me say that your girlfriend has an awesome boyfriend! It is really wonderful that you are reaching out to a community that can offer her some support. I have been an amputee my whole life, and am lucky enough to have had a family that has always supported me. I recently met a little girl who is 4 years old and has just received her second prosthesis. Her parents were very embarrassed about the fact that she is an amputee and her first prosthesis had a cover on it so it looked more "life-like". The little girl hated the cover and told her parents that she did not want a cover on her next leg. She got her way and now has a bright-pink Barbie prosthesis with no cover. At first her parents were apprehensive about this, but they see that she is much happier and more comfortable with the new leg, and are warming up to it themselves. I hope that your girlfriend's parents will have a similar change of heart!

Brooke

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Hello Scott,

As a Syme amputee since age 5 I can't work out what is what here.

Where would the pylon be?

My socket is solid all the way to my foot, there isn't any room for a pylon.

Welcome here.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Hello everyone,

I dont know where to start... Hmm, I'm 19 and I am not an amputee. But there lies the problem. My girlfriend, who i've been with for a year and 8 months is. She is a rbk amputee. The problem is that I dont know how I can help her. Let me explain her first.

She's 17 and was born with one leg shorter than the other... She had a "symes" amputation done when she was like 2. It's comming to that time when she is able to get a new leg. Her current one is what her parents wanted her to have about a year and a half ago. It has like a rubbery skin over it and all the toes are together. She wants one like that girl at the USOpen wore. The socket to be black carbon fiber and the "pylon" showing. I totally think it's a cool idea as she can do alot more with it. The problem is that it seems like her parents are ashamed of her leg because they always tell her that people are gonna see her new leg and stare. My girlfriend says, "So? It's who I am...." and her parents right after that said they didnt want to be around her then. I felt so bad. She looked at me and almost cried. Im comming to everyone here for some help for her. Any ideas?

Thank you,

Scott

Let me say this i just had below the knee amputation on my right leg march 10,2009 and i'm not that far along yet to get my prothestic leg so i don't know about how peoples going to be if they will stare or not but the way i see it let them stare i'm proud of who i am and your girl friend has a great guy you keep supporting her she really needs it shes not any differant shes the same person her leg is a lil differant after awhile you and her might not even notice people looking but you know her parents will proably come around give it time i hope i helped out a lil bit i'll keep checking back to see updates ok take care

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I just spent the weekend with her. We had her prom on friday. What a blast, never knew she could dance like that. ^_^ But yea, she basically told me that she doesn't care what her parents think about it. She just wants me to be cool with it. I really dont mind. She's too beautiful to let something like a missing limb get in the way. And about the person with the question about the pylon. I guess she was born with "PFFD"? I think its something with one leg being alot shorter than the other. Her the knee on her "bad" leg is much smaller than the normal one. So she has about 4-6 inches that will be pylon. Thank you guys for the support and I will be sure to pass it along to her.

Here's a pic of us for prom...

post-2451-1238363049_thumb.jpg

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

You make a very good looking couple. Nothing, leg included, could take away from her natural beauty.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

What a stunning couple you make. With that much caring you two should go far. BTW she is beautiful & of course you are not bad yourself :blush: {but it's inside} that makes a great person.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Well this coming up june will be 2 years for us. I didn't know about her leg going into it so I figured, I liked her before why stop now? lol

Also, after re-reading what everyone posted, let me explain a couple things.

Her mother has never been fond of her disability. Nicole has grown up in pants. Her mom complains if she wears anything above the knee.... She kinda dissappears when we go to any beach too... Her father suffered a stroke and is very child like now. Any time she wants to go to the prosthetist or says something hurts, he just kinda yells at her. I mean its not too much his fault, but it always hurts her when her parents are like that. She's called me crying plenty of times. I've even had to bring her to the doctor because her mom didnt see any problems... The outcome of that trip? She wasn't fitted right and needs a new leg. Go figure.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Her mother is failing her where she needs her mother the most. Lemme tell you how I really feel . . . Her mother is a LOSER! :angry:

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
I just spent the weekend with her. We had her prom on friday. What a blast, never knew she could dance like that. ^_^ But yea, she basically told me that she doesn't care what her parents think about it. She just wants me to be cool with it. I really dont mind. She's too beautiful to let something like a missing limb get in the way. And about the person with the question about the pylon. I guess she was born with "PFFD"? I think its something with one leg being alot shorter than the other. Her the knee on her "bad" leg is much smaller than the normal one. So she has about 4-6 inches that will be pylon. Thank you guys for the support and I will be sure to pass it along to her.

Here's a pic of us for prom...

very nice pic of you and her you two really make a real nice couple keep up with your support for her

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Hello everyone, I finally got around to making a profile for my girlfriend. She wanted it to be bkchick... It's gonna show two different ip addresses, mine and hers. She's just waiting for permission to post an intro...

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

OK............I'll bite..............someone fill me in................CAT especially:

I'm reall good with BAK stuff and AK stuff and BK stuff. I am not so sure about "syme" stuff.

As far as I know............"syme" stuff is perhaps through the foot or at an ankle..........wrong?????

If so, there is no socket and there is no pylon.

Help me out here................I need advice.

ED

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Ok well a symes amputation is typically at the ankle... They cut out the foot and sow the heal up where the foot was... But in the case of my girlfriend, she was born with one leg shorter than the other. Her parents to have a symes amputation done instead of her having surgery every year. I'll talk to her about maybe getting a picture put up. I know I can post a pic of the prosthesis, but not sure if she wants me putting her leg up here.. That's for her to decide.

Edit:

I just took this one off my myspace, don't mind the smooch. =P

5005_1044918578294_1685531744_78956_1168

And this one is from her facebook...

5005_1044918978304_1685531744_78957_4081

I hope that helps a bit. Usually a symes amputee has a very long residual limb. My girlfriend kinda lucked out in the fact that she doesn't need a cutout in her prosthesis as her leg isn't bulbous on the end.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now

×