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Heather Mills - Amputee Forum
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marianne

Asking for help ????

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Today I had a great discussion off line with another list member ( you know who you are ... (name withheld because I did now ask for permission to use it ) and it seems that I have been asigned HOMEWORK . We talked about quite a few things and quite frankly , got a bit of a chewing out .. and it may be just what I needed to take that next step .

This is going to sound REAL dumb but being a very independant woman throughtout my life , I have never had to ask anyone for any thing at all but it may seem that my suit of steel is a bit weakened these days .

I would REALY like to know , most of us are in the same situation having had to deal with loss but , how did you go about asking for help without giving up any of your self esteem and pride ? Was it really hard to ask ?

I think I mentioned in another post that I am still a bit of a " mental case " who is in need of a direction and needs answers to a million questions but , I realy am afraid to ask becasue I am not sure if my questions will come across as , well you know the rest . I am the sort of person who will read and listen and THEN decide from what I read and hear which will be the best course of action for me .

Sorry for this long winded what ever it's called but I need answers to questions I have no idea how to ask .

mj

P.S. ( off list gurl ) thanks for giving me that push I should have had a long time ago . Where I go from here is anyones guess but I think I finally may be looking to go out there somewhere .

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MJ,

First of all we have to ask question to get answers and then figure out if the answers we got will help or not. We get educated when we ask and you never know where the answers are going to come from so you'll never know unless you ask. So what I'm saying is no question is dumb they are all important in some way shape or form and your question even if you think it might be dumb might actually be something someone else wanted to ask but thought it was dumb so you see someone else might benefit from your question. So get to asking and we will do our best to answer you may even get long winded answers that lead to other questions then we have a whole topic going. I think that is what this forum was set up for don't you??

Well I hope I got my point across...

Brenda

P.S I think Kep answered you and said we all are mental cases sometimes it kind of goes with the territory.

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Asking for assistance when you are unable to cope is something that can be done with a lot of dignity. No one will treat you as incapable of managing entirely. You set the tone. Try to be honest in your needs and communicate exactly what you want done and what you can do for yourself. People will get the message and you will get your needs met.

Life is an unanswered question, but let's still believe in the dignity and importance of the question. *Tennessee Williams

Argue for your limitations and sure enough they're yours*Richard Bach

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MJ,

I learned to think of it this way:

If you do not ask, you have a 100% chance of not getting what you want or need.

If you DO ask, the odds go up dramatically.

Asking for help is not the same as saying you are helpless. If anything, it shows you are strong enough to go for what you want instead of being afraid. Being independent is important for anyone, but being isolated and frustrated is not healthy. If you need something, ask. And if the person you are asking somehow makes you feel uncomfortable, don't ask them again. There are too many people who are willing to help for the moment and not extrapolate it to a personal judgement.

Keep in mind what your priorities are: appearing to be the "iron woman" or accomplishing things, even if it takes a little help.

So, how can I help?

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HI

I dont know if this will help but here is part of my story. When I got injured I was sent two hours away from home leaving my pregnent wife and little girl for family and friends to take care of. This was hard, I had no control over what was going on. Around two weeks latter I came home as a b/k amputee. I had to have some one else take care of my yard and chores becouse my wife was limited being pregnent. I learned who my real freind are and how inportant family is (THE HARD WAY!). But it wasn't the end of the world even know some times I though so. KNow that I am able to do thing on my own I am doing what I can to help the people that were so good to me with really small things like picking up there yard , running erands ,ect sence I am still off work. The world goes in full circle and every body needs extra help some times. I hope mabe this will help. Your situation might be differnt than mine but, you will find your true friends and family to keep you going and help!

See ya

CLint

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Hi, Marianne,

I hope this doesn't double-post since I was knocked offline in midstream.

I can only answer from my own experience....but, for what it's worth, here goes:

My sister, Donna, was an amputee. She was a fiercely independent/determined woman. I would do anything I could to help her. But, I also didn't want to "intrude" on her independence. It was so much easier when she would ask for assistance. I didn't have to "guess" or "anticipate" or make her feel less independent by offering help when she didn't need it.

So, if you need help with something specific, ask a family member or a friend to help. If you need information, this is a great place to get it. And, don't be afraid to tell folks "I can do *that* myself".

Best wishes,

Eileen

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