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Heather Mills - Amputee Forum
the gimp

what great palls

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well im not one that usually lets what others say bother me or get me down but as of tonight there has been two times i have to say i have been completely hurt and beyond mad.

after my accident i was still in high school and started playing basketball again. i was extremely proud that i could do this and that was able to resume my position as point guard and the captain, but that all ended after while at a tournament the other teams players decided they wouldnt do anything toward playing against me. long story short a few of them said they wont play against a cripple and i was only a sympathy case so i pulled off my jersey told my coach i would never play again and got in a fight with em. i know i didnt handle it well but i was young and stupid but i never played again.

the other time was tonight, i was meeting up with some what i thought was good friends....hell we have been friends for years but thats no longer the case. while on the way to meet up i stoped for pizza and pop, i gave em a call saying i would be there in a few when my buddy but dialed me back. so i answer and i herd them talking about me and what i herd absolutly hurt and ticked me off worst than ive been in a long while. so i showed up threw the pizza down and hit my buddy, and while he was getting up trying to figure out what was up i told them i herd everything and while not all of them were saying crap none spoke up and that isnt a friend. well we exchanged words and i left.

i hate getting in fights mainly cause with my back i end up hurting pretty good whether or not i do the lickin or not. i also hate being considered the sympathy case. i have never been one to go for the sympathy and never treated anyone different because they have something wrong with em. i joke around about getting sympathy dates or getting sympathy for different things but i havent ever used my issues for getting something. and to have people who are my supposed friend talk like that behind my back and poke fun and make me the butt of there conversation really hurts and pisses me off beyond explanation.

honestly i dont know if its what they did or how i responded but im so upset, hurt....ect

im also so confused at why im taking it the way i am...sorry for ranting but i just had to get this off my chest i started to rant to my brother but with him it would end up with some one in the hospital and him in trouble. im sure he will find out but it needs to be at the right time. and no i dont run to my little brother with my problems but he is not just my brother but really my best friend. he has been there thou everything, he has been they to hug me when im hurting, hes been there to pick me up when i fall, he basically is my right arm. we do almost everything together, tell each other everything and we always have had each others back come hell or high water. but stuff like this gets him going and he doesnt know how to stop.

my voice mail box is full and those ass hats have been calling none stop apologizing to me but i dont know what to say or even were to start. we have been friends for years but how do you deal with something like this.........im so confused

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Sometimes you need to vent! Write it down, type it or talk it out. Even if you don't send it to anyone. Just let it out.

When you are ready, listen to the voice mail. Maybe its an apology or maybe they are venting too.

Hope its going better today.

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It's a matter of "Sticks and Stones". If long time friendships mean anything to you, accept their apologies amd move on..

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This type of thing happens no matter how long u have been friends...or if ur an amputee. It hurts; makes u spitting mad. BTW this type of action just happened to me....best girl friend type relationship...many years. I finally forgave her, but deep inside I know it will never be the same. I am sad :sad: but thats the way things happen I guess. The fun and trust just will never be there again...we r just friendly. The funny thing about it is the fact others have told me for years she was using me to back her when she had problems with others {which I did}....at least Hubby didn't say I TOLD YOU SO...

Advice to u is be friendly to them when u see them and make some new friends that u can trust. That's what I am doing @ the present time. I also agree with the above two comments. Take your choice. :smile:

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Take some time to think about things. See if your life is better or worse with your friends. You're the only person who can let them back into your life.

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Sorry to hear about your 'mishap'.. Life can take us down some strange roads indeed....Almost a year ago, I had a "good" friend, betray me.. If it hadn't of been for my hubby, I'd probably stomped her butt into the earth....However, I just decided to walk away, with my head up.... that bothered her more than anything because then, she didn't have anything to fight against... No "yeah but" or anything else... I knew that things would never be the same, and with a person like that, I don't have to dodge the daggers either, by walking away....... Give yourself some time, and if you feel like it, have a face to face with the person who butt dialed you... Anger can get the best of us sometimes, especially if we tend to be hot headed.. (yes, I can get that way too). If you feel that you want to listen to the voicemails, do so..if not, then delete them.... You have to live with yourself, regardless of what you did, or decide to do... It's all up to you... Just don't choke on your anger and hurt... You have to find a way to eventually let it go, or it will eat you alive... Time does help.. even if what we are saying sounds like a platitude.... I guess your big question is, what do you want?

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Awful lot of good advice here...another way to think about it is, who are you punishing with your hot temper and hurt feelings? If these so-called "friends" really don't care about you as a person, why would they care about your reaction? I know that sounds harsh...but they sound like they did something pretty harsh to you. Following Higgy's suggestion, it may make you feel better about yourself if you can "take the high road" and just walk away with your head held high and find yourself a better class of friend. Letting their comments keep you simmering in a rage and feeling confused only punishes YOU.

It's good that you have your brother around...when a family member is supportive it means a whole lot more than "sympathy" from someone who doesn't really know or care about you. Go ahead and confide in him...and maybe the two of you can help keep one another from "flying off the handle" over rude comments from rude people! :wink:

The fact that you worked your way back onto your basketball team as a high-schooler is really admirable...the fact that you let some jerks yank your chain and wound up quitting something you loved is unfortunate, but hey, you were a kid at the time! So just keep in mind that, if you hadn't been effective in your role as point guard, the jerks probably wouldn't have bothered to try and tick you off.

Yes, it helps to develop a sort of zen-like attitude when dealing with public perception of amputees...but that can be a useful attitude for anyone who's dealing with life as we know it!

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Sorry to hear about your 'mishap'.. Life can take us down some strange roads indeed....Almost a year ago, I had a "good" friend, betray me.. If it hadn't of been for my hubby, I'd probably stomped her butt into the earth....However, I just decided to walk away, with my head up.... that bothered her more than anything because then, she didn't have anything to fight against... No "yeah but" or anything else... I knew that things would never be the same, and with a person like that, I don't have to dodge the daggers either, by walking away....... Give yourself some time, and if you feel like it, have a face to face with the person who butt dialed you... Anger can get the best of us sometimes, especially if we tend to be hot headed.. (yes, I can get that way too). If you feel that you want to listen to the voicemails, do so..if not, then delete them.... You have to live with yourself, regardless of what you did, or decide to do... It's all up to you... Just don't choke on your anger and hurt... You have to find a way to eventually let it go, or it will eat you alive... Time does help.. even if what we are saying sounds like a platitude.... I guess your big question is, what do you want?

SO YOU'RE A BUTT STOMPER, HUH. {laughing}

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Yep....... I can stomp it with the best of them...... :laugh: I won't say that I haven't had mine kicked, but I think it was by my dad....anyway, when it comes to white hot anger, I can remember it very plainly... If I'd of went after her, I'd of hurt her badly,I'm afraid...before I got hold of myself... End the end, it would of been me just rolling right on it to what she had set up.... As it was, she didn't have anything to fight against, and I could set in the back ground and laugh about it, having lost nothing and not having had to spend any jail time for battery....

If they are honestly trying to get in touch, then maybe they are truely sorry for what happened.... Sometimes, people do get "caught up" in a moment, but that isn't saying that it was right....

Do what it comfortable to you Gimp, and the rest of it be damned.........

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I know the title of the forum is reaching out, but I can't have much sympathy for anyone who feels that violence is a solution to anything... I have known people who massively over react to situations without thinking them through in a similar way and they tend not to keep friends for too long. Relationships are complicated affairs and never black & white, give your friends a chance... sounds like you can't be sure all of them said somethng anyway, if I was one of them and I hadn't been saying anything but just happened to be there, I'd be thinking maybe you aren't the sort of friend I need... seems this is nothing to do with being an amputee?

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