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Heather Mills - Amputee Forum
jberna

The People Who Stare

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Come on guys you cannot brand every one with the same name... its people like you that make kids the way they are... If they are rude and offensive then its because its the way we are expected to behave.

I personally find people treat me the same way in which they treat other youths although I know for a fact that I am completely different.

Remember respect and politeness is a 2 way thing!!!!

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It's funny but when I was using wheelchair, crutches or hobbling with sticks I found it was teenagers who'd go out of their way to open doors for me or stand back to let me through. It was the 30 plus lot who'd just barge past me or stand in the way while they carried on with their business (I'm 45 by the way).

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Hi All:

People stare / that's it.

When I am out and about in legs or out, generally speaking I find that all people, young, teenaged, oldies etc, go out of their way to help even though it is not needed.

I accept this and always pass a TXs regardless. Then I "smoke" by them and leave them in my dust.

ED

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Why would I have been joking?  Far from it.  And I don't have "a problem" as you so bluntly put it, except with the lack of respect and disclipline displayed by the youth of today.

I wasn't asking if you had a problem, I was stating a fact...

Saying ALL the youth of today have no respect is plainly ludicrous and offensive... try and think a little bit more positively, it'll help you more than anyone else if you do.

I do think positively. I just know that all the teenagers I have encountered have been disrespectful. I've done voluntary work with disabled people for several years now, and I am disabled myself. I have seen the way people behave and I think it's disgraceful.

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Guest onelegwendi

i may be weird or nieve but I like the attention. I won't embarass adults for staring unless they are really looking stupid. But kids (little kids) will just walk up and touchit. I am a huge hit with all the preschoolers at my children's school. They ask to see my stump and I am the center of the class when I take of my prosthesis. The first timers stand back a little but the ones that have seen it before know that it tis OK to touch and feel. In private I have met adults that are curious and will touch and feel also.

I am not the least bit embarrassed. This wasn't my fault and If I can help other people feel at ease then I will. After all if I see some person with a lot of tattoos or a lot of peircings then I am curios as to why they would do that and I want to look at them. Best way to look at them is to talk to them.

WEIRDO onelegwendi

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Hi Wendi

Thats fantastic, I wish I could be more like that.

My eldest has a pet day every now and then but nothing like that. If I'm brave one day and the situation arises I might suggest to be a guinea pig.

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I am surprised that I have not encountered many rude people...I can say that only once I felt a little uneazy because while I was taking a walk with my sister, we passed a young couple who were kissing each other... I was talking to my sis when she turned back to the couple and asked the lady if she had stared enough???? I was embarressed by my sis behavior than I realized, it bother her more than did bother me.

Now about politeness, I thought enough about it, and I will say that all my life, blacks, no matter what kind of nationality, have been much more polite to me than any other race. I can pass a black person and count on receive a smile and a 'how are you", everytime. About age...well I guess that depend upon their mood. If they are having a good day...they will act like it...if not, some will show it too, but all the little kids I meet here or in Brasil, while I am visiting my grandsons (6 and 9 years old), they all feel kind of wow about my artificial leg and some of them even had asked if they could see my stump, they all asked if it hurts etc...after a while it is over and they go out to play. Once I told a group of teens that losing a limb is something that can happen to any person who drives or rides on a car or motorcicle. You have it now...and maybe wont have it tomorrow, just think about it.

Dea

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I'm 15 and would like to stick up for my 'generation' as we are not all like that. Proof of that is at school, no-one gives me a second glance, even the first time I word my bionic leg to school.

And I don't have "a problem" as you so bluntly put it, except with the lack of respect and disclipline displayed by the youth of today
The only look i got was from a middle aged woman stood at the bus stop so its not just 'the youth of today' who have a problem!

I think you need to accept that anyone and everyone will look becasue they are just interested and want to know more. You just have to smile nicely at them and let them get on with it not get narky becasue they are taking an interest in you.

I don't mean to rant but i want to stick up for people my age who are assumed to be rude. You probably get as many looks from older people, but because we stand out more to you, you only notice the looks from younger people.

Liz

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It's Ok Lizzie, not all of us are 19 going on 95. Some of us old farts can still remember being young and being chided for not having the manners and respect of the youth of yesteryear.

When I was a teenager I remember cycling along a dead end road that run by the sea. Above it was the promenade, where cyclists were banned. Two elderly people had a go at myself and my friends for cycling along that road but I argued with them that as the road had double yellow lines painted on it it must also have vehicular access as the council wouldn't waste money on paint for a no entry road. They didn't like this and continued moaning, at which point one of my less patient friends told them to F off. Thirty minutes later they came back with a policeman and pointed me out as the cheeky trouble maker. The copper took me home to my parents so I got more stick from them and nobody believed my side of the story. Bollocks to respect :wub:

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Hi

I sometime's see people looking at me when I am in my wheelchair and if it is a bad day I will leave my leg off not very often these day's,I dont find people mean anything nasty I would think when I had 2 good leg's it was possible that I Looked at people with one leg,I think if we are nasty to the people that stare they are never going learn that it is wrong to stare.Just look at them and smile and say do I know you and then say sorry because I dont remember you then you will see in most cases they are very friendly.

Best wishes Pat.

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I know older people can be rude too, but I am yet to encounter a decent young person. Even some of my younger friends who I now rarely see due to them being all over the world on holiday or university; even THEY could be a little rude at times, and we are all extremely well educated and well brought up.

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I actually find that youngsters are nicer than older people, they may look but they dont mind asking question where as old people just see some one whos abusing a disabled parking space.

Especially young kid, they are the best cos they ask u straight out, (my little cousin insists on asking me when my legs are going to grow back).

In school I know i gte a few looks but its more the whispers behind the hands. "thats that girl who was really ill... shes got fake legs" To me thats nice cos the recognise me. it dont mean they treat me any different just the same as another prefect.

But then again i do go to one of the most decent schools in Cardiff.

I just find that it is quite a general comment to make. I dont think that we can say well they look at me. Every body does look at you cos your you and you are different. same as people would look if you had 3 heads, if you have green hair.

Have you ever seen a goth walking down the strett. Do you know HOW many old people look at them as if they are scum....?

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but I am yet to encounter a decent young person

Hmm ... perhaps you should get out more, you're starting to sound like my mother. The world's a big place and the human race is a varied mix young, old, nice and not so nice the combinations are endless. You just have to look in the right places and stop taking people at face value. One of my friends is the most rude and insulting person you'd ever have the misfortune to meet. The other side of him is very thoughtful and extremely generous. He went out of his way to visit me in hospital, bringing me things to read and more fruit than I could eat, despite suffering from a debilitating illness himself. I should add that he's like this to everyone. No exceptions.

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I actually find that youngsters are nicer than older people, they may look but they dont mind asking question where as old people just see some one whos abusing a disabled parking space.

Especially young kid, they are the best cos they ask u straight out, (my little cousin insists on asking me when my legs are going to grow back).

In school I know i gte a few looks but its more the whispers behind the hands. "thats that girl who was really ill... shes got fake legs" To me thats nice cos the recognise me. it dont mean they treat me any different just the same as another prefect.

But then again i do go to one of the most decent schools in Cardiff.

I just find that it is quite a general comment to make. I dont think that we can say well they look at me. Every body does look at you cos your you and you are different. same as people would look if you had 3 heads, if you have green hair.

Have you ever seen a goth walking down the strett. Do you know HOW many old people look at them as if they are scum....?

I went to one of the top (private) schools in the country. When I was younger I went through a phase of being a goth and I didn't get any wierd looks. All I am saying is that young people these days lack respect and discipline.

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I went to one of the top (private) schools in the country.  When I was younger I went through a phase of being a goth and I didn't get any wierd looks.  All I am saying is that young people these days lack respect and discipline.

Bully for you! top (private) school eh... dear oh dear, you're not doing yourself any favours are you...

We heard you the first time.... lack of respect and discipline.... yar de yar...

the only thing is, you weren't listening to anyone else... get over it... but at worst, please don't keep repeating your self centred twisted view.

If that's your experience, maybe you ought to look at why it's just you that's got it...

:D :D :D

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Well I have three children, I say children ranging from 25 down to 14, and don't think they are really any different from any other generation, I meet their friends who come to the house and they are mostly very polite and well mannered.

I have got to say I have been out with them when they were younger, (around the time when they first wanted to buy things in shops etc. and pay themselves) and observed they were constantly pushed in front of by adults, usually older people!

When it comes to staring, I think we all might do it to some extent, maybe I do myself when I see someone else who has lost a limb.

Ann

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they were constantly pushed in front of by adults, usually older people!

That was probably people who assume that because they are older / wealthier / better educated that they have a right to command respect from those they consider to be inferior to themselves.

Nobody has the right to command respect from anyone. It has to be earned.

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Did you ever wonder why 'younger people' were rude to you? Probably becasue you were a hell of a lot ruder to them in the first place with your ' I'm better than you and deserve respect' attitude. As Muz said you earn respect, as teenagers do from adults, not just have it becasue you are older - it work both ways you know.

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This subject is getting ssssssooooooooo boring...please, give it a rest.

Dea

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It doesn't matter a stuff whether people are old/young/black/white/educated/non-educated etc etc, some of them will be decent people, some will not be FACT.

People may stare at us because like it or not we look DIFFERENT to them, most people probably look because they see prostheses etc as interesting, I personally don't care how many people look at me, especially children as it is simply something they are not used to seeing, you can't blame them for being curious. As long as people are not deliberately being rude then is there really a problem...

Mike

RBK

Scotland

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It doesn't matter a stuff whether people are old/young/black/white/educated/non-educated etc etc, some of them will be decent people, some will not be FACT.

People may stare at us because like it or not we look DIFFERENT to them, most people probably look because they see prostheses etc as interesting, I personally don't care how many people look at me, especially children as it is simply something they are not used to seeing, you can't blame them for being curious. As long as people are not deliberately being rude then is there really a problem...

Mike

RBK

Scotland

Couldn't have said it better myself

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'It doesn't matter a stuff whether people are old/young/black/white/educated/non-educated etc etc, some of them will be decent people, some will not be FACT.

People may stare at us because like it or not we look DIFFERENT to them, most people probably look because they see prostheses etc as interesting, I personally don't care how many people look at me, especially children as it is simply something they are not used to seeing, you can't blame them for being curious. As long as people are not deliberately being rude then is there really a problem...

Mike'

I totally agree, by nature we are curious creatures, and how you handle prejudice say's alot about your character. On another point it's been a while since a topic has captured such diverse opinions and myself have been thourghly enjoying your differences.

By the way i only went to a comprehensive school funded by the government!!!!!!

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I would dye my hair bright purple and then they won't stare at you leg anymore-ha,ha.

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I guess i don't know how to do the tag thing.

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