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Heather Mills - Amputee Forum
tonya

Mom had her surgery

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My mother had her breast surgery yesterday. Initial pathology test say it in NOT cancer. finally some good news for a change. She is really bruised and sore. Took her forever to wake up. Went home and helped her get settled before I left.

hopefully they realize I am the same person, just a slightly different outside package. Find out from a relative that came to the hospital that Mom told them not to call me or visit me. She still has not accepted what happened to me and just wants to hide me away. But I now refuse to hide. I am who I am now. I am a true survivor. People will just have to accept me for who I am.

I also found out that my husband yelled at my parents. They can to visit and siad you are ok nothing is wrong with you , you dont need medicine. Well my husband told them to open there eyes and yelled at them about a few other things.

Any suggestions about dealing with parents who just do not want to accept or understand.

Tonya

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Hi Tonya! really glad to hear that your Mom got along well :) .

You sound like and are a true survivor. I really don't understand being judged for external appearances - even before my amp I always looked to the inside when making friends - the person within is the true person not the package we're wrapped in.

I'm glad you have such great support from your husband - hopefully he gave them a wakeup call.

I met parents of a young man at rehab five years or so ago and they were devestated witrh the loss of his leg. I told his Mom that it didn't change who he was or is - that he was still their son and so lucky to still have him. I met her again a year later and she thanked me for those words - I had no idea at the time the effect it would have. So maybe the words to your parents from your husband will register.

You have so much to deal with and it sounds like your're on a good path now - don't let anyone knock you off. How long has it been Tonya -since you lost your leg - have you tried sitting down for a one on one with your parents? Would they be open to this?

I remember when diagnosed I felt there was so much I couldn't control - so i decided not to put my energy in those areas and into those that I could. You can only control how you handle things not how others handle them. I think you are doing just that - just by your being determined and strong will show your parents you are the same person just a more special package huh! ;) I wish you all the best! Stay on your path! Wendy :)

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Hi Tonya, good to hear your mum is doing ok and that it is not cancer.

I am tempted to say don`t bother with your parents until they do accept what has happened to you, after all you cannot get back what has gone. As i said i am tempted to say this but your mum and dad have a lot on their minds at the moment so give them another chance. Leave things for a couple of weeks until your mum is a whole lot better and then maybe try to sort things out. You can only talk to them, tell them that you are the same person still and that you need their support and understanding. I am afraid if they are not ready to listen and accept your situation yet then there isn`t much more you can do. There will come a time when they realise that there is nothing different about you, that you will come through this and be just as you were before your op, as far as walking is concerned i mean, the real you inside didn`t change anyway.

Keep posting and letting us know how you are, we are fighting this one with you and we will win. :)

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Hi Tonya,

I'm really glad it was good news for your mum.

I think that when your parents see how well you are doing, and how your life does on go as before, then maybe, they will see that you are the same person. They have had a lot to cope with lately and maybe they need some time to adjust. For me and mine, the more I do, and the more I return to normality - then they seem to adjust and see me and accept me for who I am.

Good luck.

Sue - Cardiff - UK :rolleyes:

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Hi Tonya, so glad to hear your Mum's breast surgery went well and NO cancer, thank goodness.

You are so right girl...... you are, who you are and should NEVER hide from anyone, anywhere, anytime. Those who can't except you, let that be their problem. I'd say, you have enough on your plate to deal with, without worrying about everyone else. I know, you say your mother still has not accepted what has happened to you, only perhaps she isn't doing it intentially. It's just that I think, some parents would rather not face, what they couldn't save from happening to their children, no matter how old they get. Because a mother is always there to protect and she no doubt probably felt helpless this time, so is having a harder time dealing with the reality of it all. If that makes any sense at all. :rolleyes:

I believe, we all are true 'SURVIVOR' and deserve the respect, for who we are and what we've been able to endure. Your husband was right in sticking up for you and as far as I'm concerned, it's absolutely no one's business, but the two of you, what goes on in your house. So I guess what I'd do is, just let some time pass by for awhile, until you both feel strong enough and you feel comfortable with it, then you and your husband both, should set it straight with your parents..... just my opinion. :wub: Good Luck and keep up that good possitive attitude, you'll be surprised how much more in control you'll feel. ;)

................

Sheila LBK

Maine USA

Keep Smiling :)

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My amp was 9/17/03. So I have not even had my ! year anniversary yet.

Mom wanted me to go home with her after the surgery. I did. I help her in the house, got her ready and put her in bed, got her some food and sat and talked about what she could expect.

This is what I would have done before my illness.

There is alot of things that we have not discussed. My parents believe if you ignore it, it will go away. To confront them about anything would not be good. They do not know how to deal with things. They like to keep secrets.

Tonya

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Sounds like you parents have the ostrich syndrome and i am afraid if they deal with things by sticking their heads in the ground until it goes away then they are in for a shock, this time it will not go away. Don`t be angry with them, we all deal with things differently. I know it is not fair on you that you cannot open up and get the people you love to listen but at least your husband is now giving you more support, he is closer to you than anyone so lean on him and let your parents be for a while. There is no point wasting energy on things you cannot change, use it for getting yourself through and settling into your new home when the time comes. Selling and moving house is going to be stressful enough you will need to be prepared.

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Hey Tonya!

I like how Meggy put it "Ostrish Syndrome", and if this is the case - then put yourself first. you need time for you - you don't have the energy to comfort everyone right now. With all this and selling your home your plate is FULL! Just take time for you right now - keep smiling! :) Wendy

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