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cazzy1

'Intimate relations'....

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Okay, here goes because this is a subject I haven't seen anyone broach at all on this board and I hope noone is offended. Me personally, I was SOOOOO self-conscious of my leg and how ugly it made me feel that I thought for years I couldn't possibly be attractive to someone else. However, my, umm, 'track record' would beg to differ and these days because I've been settled in a long term relationship for quite a few years now, it's far less of an issue. Although, it can be a bit of a turn-off I guess when you have to interrupt at the least opportune moment to complain your leg is getting in the way so you have to take it off ;)

I want to know what other people's experiences are on the subject and whether you have also found the problem was more in your head than in the 'eye of the beholder' so to speak. Do you find it's more of an obstacle to having a really 'close' relationship or are you and your partner/s perfectly okay about it?

There was recently a disability awareness campaign here in England, and one day I saw this ad on a billboard on a public highway which for me was so refreshing-it went a little something like this:

Depicted are a man in wheelchair and his wife sat on his knee. The caption said something like: 'Yes sex is sometimes a problem-Helen's a screamer' :lol: Absolutely brilliant and a real shot in the arm for me too.

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Trust Cazzy to get to the nitty gritty without flinching for a mere iota of a second.... :lol: Yes...well..errr..umm, intimate it is...Yes, well, i.. err.. keep my foot on at all times . You never know if you might have to dash off in the middle of a steamy tete a tete...hehehe.

No, it doesn't make me feel less attractive. I think if you stay physically fit and feel good about your body, weight, etc. This overshadows the 'insecurities' one may have of missing a limb.... did that make sense?? Hope so.

Oh, and one of my mottos in life are (sounds a bit harsh but i speak it softly....)

If you don't like it, lump it...... :D

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Pray tell Kaz-WHAT could be so important you need to dash off in the middle of a steamy tete a tete as you put it????? :lol: :P

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I dread to think what Kaz is nipping off for, then again i don`t think we want to know the details, or do we :lol: lol!!!

I personally have not had any problems relationship wise but then i am 16yrs married. My husband is so used to seeing me with all my scars, on my legs, my stomach and my back, he has never had a problem. I put up with him being bald so he can put up with me warts and all :)

I did have a small concern at first but my husband soon put that right, it was more how i felt about how he felt if you know what i mean. Things aren`t quite as spontaineous (sorry about the spelling) as before but then again with a 14yr old boy spontainity (and again) went off a while ago, although we can still surprise each other now and again. Oh and by the way, i don`t let the leg get in the way, there are ways around these things, with a bit of imagination lol!!

I suspect this may be more of an issue when in a new relationship but then if a partner can`t accept you as you are then keep looking.

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Heeee Heeee Heeee....

Veeee chaaav ouwa vaaaays ov making yuuuu spiiiieeeekkkk .....

Oh no, it aint gonna work....

Tut, tut... Gadget and his accomplices....not a chance!

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Wow!

very interesting questions and answers

and I dont have any right now but maybe

when I am a lot older

and I guess I have thought!!! about it a little

but its not like that

its like whenever I get a boyfriend

which will never happen.

Lesley

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WOW , what a question .

OK , here it goes . When i was injured m i thought i lost what i knew was one of my best features and had serious doubts about wheaether or not i would ever be accepted again . I was with my partner before the injury and am still together . It was VERY VERY hard for me personaly to accept this " new look " an dhave been lkie sooo very self consious about my look that i realy wondered if i would evwer again be desireable as a partner . Well , i guees i goit me answer since everything is now as it was before.

OK , some things are a bit different , i mean , the use of crutches to get to wherre i need to be but , as i have been remnded alot , i am STILL the same on the INSIDE and the missing parts should not relfect who i am inside. I guess that i am just now starting to slowly , finally sort of accept who i am now and how i look and for those who wish to judge a person by the way they look and don't care to see what's " inside " , i have only one thing to say , SEE YA , wouldn't wanna be ya .

Lesley , I can imagine how hard it must be you being so young and all . I cried when i read what you wrote because it was soo sad . Lesley , if you BELIEVE that you are beautifull , and you ARE , then you WILL , repeat , WILL find that right and special person who WILL see YOU inside and not care about whats not there .

However , as i have also recenlty learned , it is also VEREY important to give people a fair chance . Just be the person you are and let others see who you are . the rest will happen on it's own .

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Lesley what on earth makes you say that????? Course you'll get a bf if you want one-you shouldn't think like that 'cos you're a really special girl and there are plenty of blokes out there who'd be glad of someone half as lovely as you chick and that's a fact-don't let anyone make you think different darlin' d'you hear me!? :P :wub: I used to think like it, and that's why I asked here if people think problems can arise from poor self image and stuff rather than actually what a partner really thinks sort of....didn't I??? I've had too much sun today! Help :rolleyes:

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Hmmmm meggy2342000-what indeed????? Har Kaz, we'll keep working on ya 'til we get some answers d'you heeaaaarr...or..I'll, umm...confiscate your gadget gown and pack you off to Nurse Ratchetts office for a stern talking to about the etiquette (not to mention mental health)of patients liking hospital issue attire. B) :P

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Hey its Lesley

and I hear ya!

I have just had a lot of crap from guys for a long time

and I just know that that special someone is out there

for me

MJ and Cazz,Kazz ya'll are awesome

I just dont think having a boyfriend is what I need

not right now

I need to find out who I am first

and I do understand everything ya'll are saying

and I love ya'll all for saying that.

I think that someday I will find this perfect guy (well not perfect!)

and 3 yrs later we will get married.

Then If I have learned how to drive I can get a house

and learn to live on my own

I really appreciate everything

and dont cry MJ everythings alright

I think I just give myself a really hard time

always have

Lesley

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Interesting, very interesting!!! To start with, I must say we are perfectly okay about it, whatever IT is!!!! :P :lol: Most of the time, we usually sit and sing to each other, that o'l Bob Hope song...... "Thanks for the Memories", then it's off to sleep!! :rolleyes: :P :lol: I guess when ya get older, the only obstacle that gets in the way is, staying awake long enough for your partner to meet you half way!!! :D :lol:

But seriously, he has always seen me the same, before the ampution and after, that being, just a little wacky!! :wub: I figure if you can't has some humor, then what's the point. We both do and that's what's helped us through a lot of things. Of course it was more me at first, having the difficult time looking at myself the same way. I knew I wasn't, on the outside any ways, but once I could see myself in the mirror, beyond just missing part of my leg, then I knew I was going to make it, rather anyone wanted me or not, b/c I wanted to start living again. That I could not go on wondering who'd want me around them. I figure, if I'm not good enough to be around someone, then it's them who really has the problem in life, not me. ;)

I guess that's pretty much my point of view..... for now anyways!! :P

Sheila LBK

Southern Maine

Keep Smiling :)

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I'm lucky in that I don't remember myself before the amp (18 months old) so my body image has always been the same. There definitely is a difference in guys' attitudes towards the leg but its never been negative.

As a teen I had different responses. One guy was so interested in the leg and how it worked once I told him he forgot all amorous attentions! :D Another was so unphased by it, all he said when I told him about it was 'ok, so how do I get this thing off then?' :P

Now I am married to a wonderful caring man who loves ALL of me and when I get a massage my stump gets massaged along with everything else... Oo'er I'll leave that topic there. ;)

If you are confident in your self image it will show and others will not feel uncomfortable around you. If they do then that's their problem anyway!

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I guess some people have better luck then others. I am very happy for all of your super sex babies. ;) I am married to the same "friend" for more than 25 years but we are really friends since I lost my leg. I wasn't any saint before, but now you all can call me "Sister". :rolleyes:

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Okay, I know this is totally none of my business, but is being "friends" how you want things to be? The counselor in me is coming out! I just wanted to be sure that it was mutual choice. If I overstepped just tell me to butt the hell out.

Caroln

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Hey Caroln, what do you think, I would love to have "my life the same crazy way I knew :blink: and enjoyed". but it takes two don't you know? I should not complain because at least we are still under the same roof. :(

Dea

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Dea that's a shame is that. Without wishing to sound like I'm advocating adultery or anythin', couldn't you get a new bf if he just wants to be platonic? A toyboy would be even better 'cos they say women are only just reaching their prime by their thirties, while men on the other hand......pphhhhh enough said :lol:

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My Gosh Cazzy1, it sure is a temptation, isn't it?. To be honest, while I was in Brasil, I e-mail several old friends and amount them was a old bf. Do you know what was my answer when he asked me if I had changed much, "I didn't change one bit" The best part was to talk to someone who remember me just the way I was without any change..until he asked me to meet him for coffee,,, there I said no way, we both are married and let's keep that way... He got so mad that he hasn't e-mail back any more... Cet la vie. :( All my friends made funny jokes about if he should show up and it was a beautiful day, he would invite me to go to the beach.... how soon could I grow a leg :D ? We sure had good time laughing about this situation.

Dea

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Oh Dea :( Well without wanting to sound blaze or anything Dea, there's plenty more fish in the sea as they say gal ;) If I lived nearer I'd take you out on the pull and give cupid a helping hand, but if you want someone who loves you for who you ARE I say go for it 'cos life's too short for regrets and missed opportunities mate.

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I just HAD to share something like waaay important i learned today .

". .... you are a surviver , NOT a victim ..... "

Sorry but like i'm crying big time right now because htis is soo simple , yet , so hard to see sometimes .

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Way to go MJ, we're all survivors here!!! B) Once you fight back, towards whatever it is, that perhaps wants to make you feel like the victim, then you've turned it around and become the survivor. ;)

Sheila LBK

Southern Maine, USA

Keep Smiling :)

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Okay, where do I start?....first with Lesley...I respect you, my friend, for realizing that right now, at 17, you DO need to figure out who you are! I look back and treasure the time I had from 17-20, when I had no boyfriend, or prospect of one (!). I decided I wanted to dedicate myself to becoming a teacher, the best I could be, on my own. Be the kind of woman that would attract the kind of man I might want some day. And you know...it worked! My hubby came into my life and we were such good friends that it took our friends saying, "so, are you guys dating?..." before it dawned on us. It has been a fun 15 years, being married to him. I know a lot because we were great friends while I was 'finding myself". It has helped me stay sane, being at home with kiddos for 12 years, knowing who I am and what my interests are, apart from them.

And about the other topic...if it affects intimacy. I also have a husband who has seen me thru some tough times, both have lost a parent in our 20s, almost lost a baby boy at six weeks of age, several serious spinal cord surgeries, four hard labors....so this is really tame in comparison. I have always believed that *confident is the sexiest thing of all*.....if you have confidence, people (including husbands!) will be attracted to you. That means saying what you want and going to get it....has worked well for us!

AND I have found, as I have been dedicated to the gym the last two months, as I get stronger and feel stronger and more in control of my body, I get more confidence in ALL areas of my life...'nuff said....

So that is my two cents worth....dont tell my husband I wrote any of that...he is very easily embarrassed!

judy

Utah

LBK

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Without divulging to many details how do you manage the art whilst keeping the leg on, is it not cumbersome, too heavy, getting in the way. Or should i go order a copy of the karmasutra for amps. :)

This is an honest question, i am sorry if i embarrass anyone, its just that my leg is my first and it is very basic and heavy, so i always take it off, yet in a couple of replies here it is mentioned that you keep it on.

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Well as an AKA I'm not sure how that would work without it getting in the way. It might be the BK amps that keep it on?

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Sorry i sound sort of like babbly here .

I wonder , would there be any objections if were to post a picture or two about this subject ... the way i see it through art ? You see , image is like this huge thibg for all of us i think and i want to try and somehow show that we ARE complete .

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MJ, when has anyone ever objected to your art on here mate? I love your pictures and I wouldn't have thought anyone would mind here. :)

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